Kdude146
December 21st, 2011, 10:18 PM
I have been depresed for the longgest time and even tho I try to get better nothing works I just keep getting hits all the parts of my life family, friends, school, work and love I have been going to cousnsaling and I think it helps a bit but by the time I go again there is always a lot of new BS that has happend since the last one.
so I might as well give my life story. (sorry it's going to be long)
my dad as been emontionly abusive to me my whole life and he is very controling and when ever I have a dream he just comes a long and crushes it. growing up was hard cuz of that and going to school was hard cuz I had people picking on me all the time and I did had a hard time keeping up with the other kids in my class but when I got to high school I stated to get better marks but anyways over the years I have lost friends and had people just pretend to be my friend. I got picked on a lot in middle school cuz I had only 3 ture firends and the hottest girl in school flrted with me to the point I asked her out and she made me the biggest joke of the school.
Then the summer going into high school I want to summer camp and met a girl there that I started dating and she just used me to get her x-bf back then used him to get a older guy she was in love with to ask her out after that the girls I asked out grade 9 - 11 made a joke out of me and used me for stuff. the summer going in to grade 11 I lost a friend who I had been friends with since grade 3 cuz of stuff he did and I talked to someone about it and that made him not want to be my friend anymore. grade 12 I stayed low got picked on a bit here and there. I have knowen I was bi since I was 13 and then in May I tryed dating a guy I met online who was from my city but he had all these reasons why we could not meet then he told me I can't have any other friends but him. I dumped him and we have not talked since.
Then I stared to come out to friends at the end of the school year and I met a guy online who was love at first sight and we saterd dating at the end of June and having him made me decide it was time to come out to the world. My Mom said its just something I am going though and I will grow out of it and my dad looked distoryed then when I changed my FB to say I was bi he told me posting that will make no one want to give me a job and I cant get in to college now. after I came out to my mom and dad his dad found all of our megs and said he could never talk to me again. two weeks later we started talking again and he said we should just be friends. I don't here from him again for a week and I hit rock bottom and he ended up talking me out of killing myself and told me he was crying when I told him that then we ended up dating again right after that talk and it lasted two months then his dad found out again and if we ever talk again he will be cut off everything. Then after that I was once again in a long distcene relationship with a on again off again friend and that ended badly cuz he never even was my friend, he emotionly abused me and cheated on and used me to get stuff on a online game he plays and after all that he asked me to be his **** buddie.
now back to my family life my mom and dad got devorsed two years ago and I have relised that b4 that happend my dad was talking to a lady he dated many years ago and right after my mom moved out he started to see her and two year later the get married and me and my sisters and her kids where not welcomed at the wedding and they don't even live togther atm she as a good job 3 hours away from where I live so they talk on the phone every night and only see each other on weekends. Resantly when she was over she said me and my sister should get kicked out for being up past 11:00pm and went on to say a lot of things I don't want to get into but she was sceaming from 11:30pm - 1:30am at my dad.
Now to work I had a hard time finding a job and this stared looking at 15 and got one at 18 and they told me I will get 10 hours a week now they keep hiring new people and I only get 5 hours and I saw on the list this week that they are giving some people 0 hours and I am afired I might end up losing my job and I really need the money for college cuz I want to move away and my partents will pay for school but not me to live away from home. also cuz most of this stuff as happend since the end of September my grades have slipped to the 60's and 70's and I was gettig 80's last year and I am finding myself grow a part from all my friends and I feel so alone.
The last thing I am going to say is a online friend who was always happy to help me with my problems said to me I hate you and never even liked you cuz your ugly and very messed up for writting love poems and no one will ever love you so you should just go die cuz no one will miss you and I feel he is right about me being alone forever cuz I don't even feel that I am that good looking and I am a dork and a freak with only a few friends so who would want to be with me. 2011 was the worst year of my life and I don't see anything getting better cuz nothing good ever lasts in my life.
so I might as well give my life story. (sorry it's going to be long)
my dad as been emontionly abusive to me my whole life and he is very controling and when ever I have a dream he just comes a long and crushes it. growing up was hard cuz of that and going to school was hard cuz I had people picking on me all the time and I did had a hard time keeping up with the other kids in my class but when I got to high school I stated to get better marks but anyways over the years I have lost friends and had people just pretend to be my friend. I got picked on a lot in middle school cuz I had only 3 ture firends and the hottest girl in school flrted with me to the point I asked her out and she made me the biggest joke of the school.
Then the summer going into high school I want to summer camp and met a girl there that I started dating and she just used me to get her x-bf back then used him to get a older guy she was in love with to ask her out after that the girls I asked out grade 9 - 11 made a joke out of me and used me for stuff. the summer going in to grade 11 I lost a friend who I had been friends with since grade 3 cuz of stuff he did and I talked to someone about it and that made him not want to be my friend anymore. grade 12 I stayed low got picked on a bit here and there. I have knowen I was bi since I was 13 and then in May I tryed dating a guy I met online who was from my city but he had all these reasons why we could not meet then he told me I can't have any other friends but him. I dumped him and we have not talked since.
Then I stared to come out to friends at the end of the school year and I met a guy online who was love at first sight and we saterd dating at the end of June and having him made me decide it was time to come out to the world. My Mom said its just something I am going though and I will grow out of it and my dad looked distoryed then when I changed my FB to say I was bi he told me posting that will make no one want to give me a job and I cant get in to college now. after I came out to my mom and dad his dad found all of our megs and said he could never talk to me again. two weeks later we started talking again and he said we should just be friends. I don't here from him again for a week and I hit rock bottom and he ended up talking me out of killing myself and told me he was crying when I told him that then we ended up dating again right after that talk and it lasted two months then his dad found out again and if we ever talk again he will be cut off everything. Then after that I was once again in a long distcene relationship with a on again off again friend and that ended badly cuz he never even was my friend, he emotionly abused me and cheated on and used me to get stuff on a online game he plays and after all that he asked me to be his **** buddie.
now back to my family life my mom and dad got devorsed two years ago and I have relised that b4 that happend my dad was talking to a lady he dated many years ago and right after my mom moved out he started to see her and two year later the get married and me and my sisters and her kids where not welcomed at the wedding and they don't even live togther atm she as a good job 3 hours away from where I live so they talk on the phone every night and only see each other on weekends. Resantly when she was over she said me and my sister should get kicked out for being up past 11:00pm and went on to say a lot of things I don't want to get into but she was sceaming from 11:30pm - 1:30am at my dad.
Now to work I had a hard time finding a job and this stared looking at 15 and got one at 18 and they told me I will get 10 hours a week now they keep hiring new people and I only get 5 hours and I saw on the list this week that they are giving some people 0 hours and I am afired I might end up losing my job and I really need the money for college cuz I want to move away and my partents will pay for school but not me to live away from home. also cuz most of this stuff as happend since the end of September my grades have slipped to the 60's and 70's and I was gettig 80's last year and I am finding myself grow a part from all my friends and I feel so alone.
The last thing I am going to say is a online friend who was always happy to help me with my problems said to me I hate you and never even liked you cuz your ugly and very messed up for writting love poems and no one will ever love you so you should just go die cuz no one will miss you and I feel he is right about me being alone forever cuz I don't even feel that I am that good looking and I am a dork and a freak with only a few friends so who would want to be with me. 2011 was the worst year of my life and I don't see anything getting better cuz nothing good ever lasts in my life.