want to kill myself...

[bena3217]

i just want to do it...kill myself and get it over with...i dont feel special in anybodys lives...dont feel that it would make a diffrence in anybodys lives...i feel that nobody would miss me if im gone!nobody wants to talk to me anymore...im just sooooo negative...i dont even know how to explain what i feel...im always jealous of my friends because they always having the best times and they never invite me...but then when i tell them how i feel they say they wish i was there and it wasnt the same without me...then the next party comes and im not invited again...i dont feel wanted! i just want to kill myself but i just cant..i try to talk to my friends but they aviod me and use me...the only times they talk to me is when they want something from me...they dont want me as a friend...they say they do...but never show it! i dont feel wanted in anybodys lives...dont know what to do anymore:(

fuck sorry wrong place to post!!!

[Amaryllis]

You know, it's alright if you don't get invited to every single party. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you - there are plenty of reasons why you could've been left out. But hey, even if they don't love you the most in the whole wild world, it's okay. Because the fact is, you can't change what anyone else thinks of you. You can't -make- them like you any better than they do currently.

Ben, they probably -are- showing how much of a friend they are to you. Maybe you're just focusing on what they -don't- do instead of what they -do-. Many people just find it comfortable to know someone is there, instead of telling them how they enjoy their company and hang out with them every day.

Also, it could be you. People tend to prefer spending time around people with something to give. Friendship isn't given, it's earned. You must be worth hanging out with. People tend to prefer those who are cheerful/funny/smart/helpful/kind or whatever it is. If you truly want friends, you must make a concerted effort to put something in the relationship that will make it worth staying.

Of course, that requires change. And often kids who change feel that they loose themselves - but the thing is, when friends find you worth keeping, they will help you when you are in need. -Occasionally.- Most people will not listen to your vents every day.

Loneliness is never something you should kill yourself over, sweetie. I made my first real live semi-friend this year :P And she's just absolutely amazing and I love her to death.

Some things are worth waiting for.

[pridepancakes21]

Suicide is never the answer. I speak from experience! I used to think it was the only way to escape my feelings. If you're friends are ditching you, then you REALLY need new friends. I know there are people out there who will really like to spend time with you and have fun. Maybe you just picked the wrong group of people to call you're friends, so try again don't sit at home considering killing your self, you will only feel worse! Go out and talk to other people and you can make new friends and connections with more compassionate beings.

[Justin98]

suicide is only going to stop you from living life not them so don't do it.

[Ace007]

Gosh man yu need help.. Don't kill yourself.. Yu need to chat with your parents... You got lots of good friends there I guess will help yu...anyway take it easy....

[JournalDreamer]

Hey Ben, Check out your Sig, It says: Suicide only means there is one less beautiful and unique person on earth that deserved better! suicide is never the option!

I guess I'm not one to give advice on this subject since I contemplate suicide almost every day...but not to worry I only try at least once every 2 months(: Haha, but I'm doing pretty good this month, so maybe Next month will be better.

Smile. It helps. It releases endorphin's that can make you happy even when you're not. Plus...Smiling is contagious, a two for one. I love a great deal and that one sounds like the best. Like you said to me, I'm hear if you ever wanna talk. I can even give you my email or somethin and we can be negative together :D. Haha, jk :P But Yeah, Smile, I'm here for you.

Now Honestly, I've never commited Suicide...and I haven't met anyone that has either. So I'm not quite sure if its actually better for you. But I have known people who have passed away because of suicide, and I've also seen the effects its left behind. People who have gone because they thought nobody cared about them...and than suddenly everyone cared about them but nobody took the time to tell them when they were alive.

I don't know you. But you cared enough about me to write me a message to me telling me if I needed to talk you, you were there for me. So please stay there in case I ever need you. I care about you. So when you're feeling down. Remember me? and Remember all the other people that care about you too but don't know how to show it.

[bena3217]

thanks alot :) it really means alot to me to see that people i dont even know cares :) thanks again

[Invincible]

That's one good hell of a sig there man.

Suicide only means there is one less beautiful and unique person on earth that deserved better! suicide is never the option!

Think yourself like a bridge. Everyone uses you, abuses you, occasionally cleans you, and otherwise you're there to wither. But without you, things would be different.

Have a read at the comments above - they're so true. There're unwritten books, unestablished companies, unelected parliament and an unborn rockstar in each and every one of us and for you, it's your anxieties that are keeping you from your true purpose for life.

Don't even contemplate suicide. Really - don't. I've been there, at the rooftop of a 17-storey building. Going up there was my turning point in life. I've learned not to care about the ones that neglect me and put my time towards relationships that are meaningful and things that give me satisfaction :)

Remember we're all here to help you if you ever need and I'm sure many of us have once trodded your paths.

There's always room to grow & change in life but death is a one-way ticket to.. ______

[Ace007]

Hello Ben
Yu are most welcome mate... Yu got lots of friends all over the world are with yu here plus your friends there too... Life is so short these days... So take it easy.... Cheers...:)

[Guyteen]

Hey Ben,
I know how you feel,well my poison isn't relationships but mostly my intelligence.
I feel like the stupidest person in my school program. I try so hard on tests, do my homework and still manage to fail, meanwhile my friends juggle with school, jobs, parties and manage to make top marks. I hate it, and hate myself for not understanding
but I do understand where you're coming from. My friends keep telling me that I should cheer up and relax instead of looking so sad/depressed.
I know why, its because they care and if I were to end my life I know they would miss me as much as I would miss them
Don't do it Ben, and if your friends don't appreciate you, I'd be glad to have you as a friend

[NotASpyingRent]

I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way. I am not able to offer much support as I am in the US, but I found a listing of suicide resources located in S. Africa that may be of great importance to you.

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/south-africa-suicide-hotlines.html

I wish you the best.

[nicnicolas1]

you need to get better friends, do the school play or musical or do a sport to meet new people, your better than that to take the easy way out, plus you wont be in school forever!!