I just can't do this anymore

[dark_soul777]

OK, I don't even know If I can finish writing this. I've been sleeping even less than my usual 3-4 hours a night.
I'm just feeling worse and worse, more and more depressed, every day. Schools finished for the year so at least I don't have to worry about that for a while, however that's bittersweet.
It means I've wasted yet another year I'll never get back. I only have another three years left at school. Everyone else has their friends and their party's and their always hanging out and stuff, but not me.
There are only really one person I care about anymore; the girl I like, but who rejected me (We're still really close though). But I don't want to off-load all my problems onto her, she has her own shit going on.
Because of my social anxiety I rarely ever talk to her except on facebook. and that really kills me.
I haven't cut in 12 days (my best in months), but I know if something doesn't change soon I won't be able to keep it up.
I had another appointment with my therapist today, and my parents came in. I had told them how she wasn't helping and so now I'm not going to see her for 3 months to see if "things change", as if they will.
She seems to think I don't try anything she suggests, but I do. I just always fail at them, like at everything else.
So now, I'm stuck sitting around at home for weeks with nothing to help me. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about it, they either get angry or promise me things which they forget the next day. They don't know I cut, or that I'm considering suicide.
I just don't know what I can do to help anymore.
Suicide and cutting are creeping into my thoughts more and more and I know if things don't get better soon I will do it.

I just don't think I can keep going on like this. This post is the best description I can manage, even though my problems are infinitely more complex.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's not going to help me.

[XxfakexX]

I'm so sorry. I'm going through the exact same thing, realy. I know it's hard. But don't kill yourself, please. Just try, distract yourself. I can't say anything about you cutting and well done on twelve days. Thing will get better for you, i promise. People care more than you think and, i know it's cliché, you could try talking to people about it. Get it out there.
I'm know it not much. I hope it helped a little and you should have more faith. Were here to help.

[dark_soul777]

Thanks, It helps to know you care. It's 18 days without a cut now :)
It does help when I try to take my mind of it, sometimes at least...

[Sire]

Mate, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have never once been invited to a party/social event, infact I am pretty socially awkward xP But, always know that even if it feels as if you have no friends YOU ALWAYS HAVE THEM! You have ALL of VT behind you, I know a guy like you has several people who care for you. Never commit suicide mate. Never. If not for yourself, do it for me.

[joshtheguitard]

Hey man, I know how it feels. I've had worsening depression and anxiety attacks over the past few months. Something I know that helps me a lot is distracting myself with doing artwork, playing music, listening to music, or just doing anything that will prevent me from going to that state of mind. I don't know what you like to do, but maybe put your heart into doing something and keep doing it. I know it really helped me and a lot of my friends, too. Or if you want, e-mail me or message me and we'll talk, anything but keep having these terrible thoughts. Congrats on the 18 days as well. :)

[Amaryllis]

It sounds like you're going through a very difficult time, Robert. Having such little sleep really does bring a person down - especially when you don't get a good amount of rest and peace. I suffer from insomnia as well, most of the time I just read in bed(not recommended :P You should read somewhere else, go back and try to sleep again.)

Depression is a horrible thing to go through but it -can- go away and you -will- feel better. Learn appropriate methods of coping other than cutting, play an instrument, play games, listen to music, talk to people etc etc. The girl you like doesn't have to be the only one you'll ever find/meet/have. Make a concerted effort to make more friends, it's very possible to do.

Expressing your troubles isn't too much of an energy-draining thing to do if you do it in moderation. As in, don't excessively complain about how much you hate your life - but share your pain every so often. If you really need to talk, find a therapist or someone who will understand(Feel free to contact me. I will do my best to understand. No guarantees. xD)

Also, self-help books. Some of them are crap but some are really quite good. Do everything you can to help yourself.

[dark_soul777]

Hey man, I know how it feels. I've had worsening depression and anxiety attacks over the past few months. Something I know that helps me a lot is distracting myself with doing artwork, playing music, listening to music, or just doing anything that will prevent me from going to that state of mind. I don't know what you like to do, but maybe put your heart into doing something and keep doing it. I know it really helped me and a lot of my friends, too. Or if you want, e-mail me or message me and we'll talk, anything but keep having these terrible thoughts. Congrats on the 18 days as well. :)

Thanks, thats basically what I"ve been doing (I've been playing my guitar for almost 4 days straight ;) )
Just distracting myself does help alot, I'm just afraid one day It won't be enough :(
Thankyou too everyone for their replies, It means alot to me.