Discontent

[ImCoolBeans]

I don't know if I would consider this a mental crisis, but it feels right to post it here.

I just can't help the feeling of being so discontent with life right now. I've been my usual self and all, but here and there I just feel so down about everything and its starting to really negatively affect me. I just feel so unhappy about everything. I feel detached from everything and everyone, like I don't belong. I feel like a disappointment to my mom, I've let her down in so many ways in the last year and it pains me to even think about that. I'm disgusted with myself over it. I can't help it either, during the day I'm fine, but when I get home from school and I'm thinking, I get so disgusted over myself that I can't bear it. I don't know what to do.

Carrying the guilt and disgust over what I've done has stressed me out to no end, I rarely sleep - and when I do its not good sleep. I don't wake up refreshed, I don't wake up happy, or with a smile on my face. I go to sleep feeling lonely and I wake up feeling lonely. This stress has also caused the quality of my schoolwork to decline. I've developed such an "I don't give a fuck" attitude. If I even bother doing my homework at this point its horrible, sloppy, lazy work that I did so I wouldn't have to make up a bullshit excuse for it.

The feeling of loneliness is what bothers me the most. I can't shake the feeling either. I've gone my whole life feeling unloved by my father, and I guess that's started this whole thing off. And at this point I just feel like he doesn't care what so ever and that my mom is disgraced. I hate it. The feeling makes me want to cry.

As I sit here with a knot in my throat, I'm afraid. What can I do? I don't want this to last forever.

[Mirage]

I know how you feel. This is a hard time in your life, so you need to be more focused on the good things in life. You have good things and bad things happening, so attach yourself to the good things. Every time a bad thing happens, just think about a good time or memory. It should cheer you up a little, if not much.

Good luck.

[Dimitri]

Honestly Mike I would say you need to talk to someone, talk to a good friend.

And also, you are not a disgrace, you help so many people here and you endlessly amaze me, you have been such a wonderful attitude when I speak with you, we need to catch up, I miss you, I feel we can help each other out.

I want you to wake up every morning and say I am awesome and I want you to make a habit of this, tell yourself that you are to turn yourself around and make a difference....

[ImCoolBeans]

Its just so much easier said than done. I want to do something about it but I don't know how.

I want to wake up feeling awesome, and saying that I am. But I'd just feel like I'm lying.

I feel like my help and advice is almost to no use. I'm just another name on the computer screen when it comes down to it.

[Dimitri]

Its just so much easier said than done. I want to do something about it but I don't know how.
Then tell someone, don't use this as an excuse or crutch, you need to try!!!!

I want to wake up feeling awesome, and saying that I am. But I'd just feel like I'm lying.

No, this attitude ^^^^, right here is what make sit hard or near impossible to do something, you need to get your ass in gear, you can do anything you set your mind to it, without determination you will accomplish nothing, you can't just sit on your ass and not expect something to happy just out of the fucking blue, you need to be proactive....

I feel like my help and advice is almost to no use. I'm just another name on the computer screen when it comes down to it.

Don't even say that, I bet if I created a pole on here that you would be surprised with how many people you have helped....you are amazing and a true inspiration to the website, you need to realize this, you would not have been chosen if you were not thought to be acceptable for this, you ARE AWESOME AND WILL ALWAYS BE!!!!

[Amaryllis]

Mike, you don't have to be lonely. We're here for you - no matter what. Even if you try to push us away or act like you don't give a damn.

I know people say this over and over again but what's done is done. You can never change what's already happened. Instead of asking yourself "why am I such a failure?" "Why am I so stupid?" ask yourself "How can i learn from this?" I know it's easier said than done - most of the time the mistakes stand out more than what you learn from them.

You may not see what we see in you but we do. We love you, Mikey. And you'll never be alone. One of us has -got- to be online whatever time of the day it is and we're just a message away. So any time, we're here for you.

As for feeling disconnected - that's probably how you "protect" yourself from disappointment and having to live up to expectations. But angel, you can't change what anyone else thinks. You can only change yourself and flip the words around in your head so you're kinder towards yourself.

The things we go through when we're young often live with us for a long, long time but it doesn't have to be this way. The loneliness is bothering you - but you don't have to be lonely. Make a concerted effort to come closer to others if that's what you wish. Or learn to be at peace with yourself. It's okay to be alone, sometimes that's nice.

Habits are hard to break - it takes time and effort to change the way you feel about yourself, everyone else and just life in general. But find the beauty and humour in everything. There are lessons to be learned and connections to be broken and made in every situation.

You deserve so much more than what you've been given so far, Mike. Perhaps you'll never be able to change your parents but you can change yourself. And that will create a ripple effect. When you start trying to be happy instead of telling yourself you aren't, one day you really will be happy.

And remember, we're here. Always.

Love,
Z

[ImCoolBeans]

Mike, you don't have to be lonely. We're here for you - no matter what. Even if you try to push us away or act like you don't give a damn.

I know people say this over and over again but what's done is done. You can never change what's already happened. Instead of asking yourself "why am I such a failure?" "Why am I so stupid?" ask yourself "How can i learn from this?" I know it's easier said than done - most of the time the mistakes stand out more than what you learn from them.

You may not see what we see in you but we do. We love you, Mikey. And you'll never be alone. One of us has -got- to be online whatever time of the day it is and we're just a message away. So any time, we're here for you.

As for feeling disconnected - that's probably how you "protect" yourself from disappointment and having to live up to expectations. But angel, you can't change what anyone else thinks. You can only change yourself and flip the words around in your head so you're kinder towards yourself.

The things we go through when we're young often live with us for a long, long time but it doesn't have to be this way. The loneliness is bothering you - but you don't have to be lonely. Make a concerted effort to come closer to others if that's what you wish. Or learn to be at peace with yourself. It's okay to be alone, sometimes that's nice.

Habits are hard to break - it takes time and effort to change the way you feel about yourself, everyone else and just life in general. But find the beauty and humour in everything. There are lessons to be learned and connections to be broken and made in every situation.

You deserve so much more than what you've been given so far, Mike. Perhaps you'll never be able to change your parents but you can change yourself. And that will create a ripple effect. When you start trying to be happy instead of telling yourself you aren't, one day you really will be happy.

And remember, we're here. Always.

Love,
Z

:')

The fact that you guys care really means a lot to me. More than you know.
As I said, and you did too - it is easier said than done. But I don't want this feeling to engulf my life. I don't want it to haunt me anymore.

I've fucked up in the past and in the present, but I'm afraid of messing things up in the future. I don't want to hurt anyone =\

As for being lonely, I do it to myself. It's not a conscious decision - it just happens. I get close to people and then I distance myself, and get close again and then go back to distancing myself. I hate it. It pains me every time it happens - the feeling of my best friend becoming almost out of touch, basically a stranger, hurts. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want this to happen ever again.

[AppealToReason]

Strange, we have a lot in common (even our names :P)



I've fucked up in the past and in the present, but I'm afraid of messing things up in the future. I don't want to hurt anyone =\

Sadly, we all will most likely hurt someone. It may not be intentional, but it's going to happen. You can let that fear hold you back. If you do, the only person you'll be hurting is yourself.



As for being lonely, I do it to myself. It's not a conscious decision - it just happens. I get close to people and then I distance myself, and get close again and then go back to distancing myself. I hate it. It pains me every time it happens - the feeling of my best friend becoming almost out of touch, basically a stranger, hurts. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want this to happen ever again.

I do it too. All.the.time. Even on here, a safe site, I distance myself from everyone. I guess this is just a habit you have to break with time.

Damn, I hate typing so little, but it's late and I wanted to post something before I forget in the morning. <.<
Really though. I hope you feel better one day, other mike.

[TheMatrix]

Mike, don't think so negatively about yourself. It's no good for anyone.
From what I can tell, what you need is a friend, a friend that can relate to you. Someone who you can share your day with, what's making you happy, what's making you feel down. That friend can then help you in the latter situation, and make your day better. But that friend won't be the only one. Chances are high that that friend has friends of their own, who will also want to meet you and become acquainted with you. Eventually, you can turn to them, too, for help.

I know, easier said than done. But you've already taken the first step: joining a forum like this one. A friend you meet here can also be like the friend I described in the above paragraph. That friend has introduced you to other friends. Now all that you need to do is be outgoing, and share your problems with someone you trust.

I, as well as many other members, are more than willing to help you. Good luck, and my good feelings to you :)

[ImCoolBeans]

Mike, don't think so negatively about yourself. It's no good for anyone.
From what I can tell, what you need is a friend, a friend that can relate to you. Someone who you can share your day with, what's making you happy, what's making you feel down. That friend can then help you in the latter situation, and make your day better. But that friend won't be the only one. Chances are high that that friend has friends of their own, who will also want to meet you and become acquainted with you. Eventually, you can turn to them, too, for help.

I know, easier said than done. But you've already taken the first step: joining a forum like this one. A friend you meet here can also be like the friend I described in the above paragraph. That friend has introduced you to other friends. Now all that you need to do is be outgoing, and share your problems with someone you trust.

I, as well as many other members, are more than willing to help you. Good luck, and my good feelings to you :)

I have these kinds of friends - on here and personal friends. I don't know where to start.

What do I say?
How do I go about saying or doing this?

I don't open up to many people, which is a part of the problem at hand. I want to tell my friends I just don't know how.

[TheMatrix]

I have these kinds of friends - on here and personal friends. I don't know where to start.

What do I say?
How do I go about saying or doing this?
Strike up a conversation. Be outgoing, say that you need help. All it takes is a simple chat message, or even a simple text message. If the person you are asking is a true friend, they will be happy to help.

I don't open up to many people, which is a part of the problem at hand. I want to tell my friends I just don't know how.
You don't have to say it in person, necessarily. All it takes is a message via skype/whatever saying "I feel depressed". A true friend, albeit myself or someone else, will be happy to respond.
But don't limit to one person. Tell multiple people. You will gain friends, maybe even lifelong friends.

You can get through this. I know it :hug:

[Donkey]

hey mike you big cutie pie come here and give me a hug :hug:

i'm on skype if you need anything <3 <3