How do i tell my girlfriend

[DemonicPanda]

I been dating this girl for 4 months now. To see if i like girls since all i been with is guys and it turns out i like guys over girls. So how do i tell my girlfriend i am gay?

[anonymous53]

Honestly, it was wrong of you to date her just to figure out if you liked girls, I would suggest not telling her that. I would suggest just tell her openly "Hey _____ can we talk? So. I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I want to still be friends if that's okay with you, and it's not you at all. Just me.

[Levy]

"Look at what's between my legs, now look at yours. Why can't you have this?"

[Guillermo]

Brilliant! ^

but yeah you just have to talk to her and tell her straight-up...and just tell her that you want to be friends..might be a bit awkward but just do it

[TheMightyBruce]

DO NOT USE the it's not you its me line...I think the girl might think you're lying and just don't want to be with her if you use it...Be honest, understanding, and open to her reactions...you'll be fine.

[clr9823]

To be honest, you've dug a hole, and anything you do is just going to take a JCB to that hole unless she's an incredibly understanding girl, or she's about to dump you anyways. Either dump her, then come out as gay/bi (your choice), or tell her that you're gay and hope she's understanding. If you come out only to her, and she's hurt, expect her to spread it as far and wide as possible. So yeah, big problem, no easy way to sort it out.

I'd probs just go for ending the relationship for reasons unspecified then only coming out when you actually get a BF, but I do not know if you want to remain friends or whatnot.

[Giles]

Poster above me knows what he's talking about.

Think about it like this. A guy you were dating (or girl, however you want to imagine it) comes up to you after you've been in a relationship for X amount of time and says that they're a different sexuality after your relationship, how is that going to make you feel about yourself - that you have 'changed' someone's sexuality.

The best thing you can do to save her confidence is just break it off naturally for completely unrelated reasons and then tell her some time later. Or just don't tell her at all, but for Christ's sake don't break up with her because you're gay.

[digzchickz]

Meh, this is kinda a mess, its going to be hard to end the relationship without hard feelings, I mean, I understand where you are coming from, but there isn't a great way to say "hey I'm gay but I went out with you just to see if maybe I was straight but it turns out I'm still gay." You would be best to do it ASAP though because it isn't right to continue stringing her along in a relationship that is at a dead end.

[Bmatlman]

yeah dont say that your breaking up with her because your gay. She will take that as "OMG, I turned him gay!" and then she will fell horrible and everyone will shun you. but thats just my idea. try telling her that your just not felling that "special connection" you guys had. it is a easy and clean way to do it. make sure that you include that you still wish to be friends

[shadowhunter320]

I'm sorry dude, but its kinda messed up to do that. If you're sure of it, just tell her. Don't be rude.

[pridepancakes21]

Tell her that you have been confused for a while, but have recently become more aware of you sexuality

[jockguy14]

Honesty is always the best policy.

[Fourth Dimension]

be honest u kinda dug urself in a hole dating her to figure it out but you need to be completely homest with her tell her what you have been feeling

[deleteextreme]

"Look at what's between my legs, now look at yours. Why can't you have this?"

That's a good way :)

[curious_boy_13]

wish i could help...wish i had a gf...sigh.

[zorrodude]

One of my very BEST friends was a girl i was dating at the time I was coming out. Tell her the truth, and that you think she is an invaluable asset and really need her help at this moment of your life :D

[SlightlySane]

Let me start of with this. You have not done ANYTHING wrong, and you have not dug yourself into any kind of whole. The part of this that will be difficult is the honesty because you will HAVE to be honest in this situation.

You started dating someone in hopes that it might work, and it did not. Anyone who has not been in this situation most likely will be. No matter the gender or sexual orientation of the person they are dating. The hardest part about this is being honest about it.

You need to sit down with her or at least talk on the phone about this. DO NOT text or message her, and make sure you do this in a place that is comfortable. Don't go to dinner or to a mall or anything like that. The best place to talk to her about this is actually at her own house.

What you need to do is tell her you have something very serious to discuss with her. Explain that you have been struggling with your identity and sexuality and have come to terms with the idea that you are attracted to men. You don't have to say that you're gay, just say you're attracted to men. Let her know that nothing is her fault. Make sure you speak confidently and sensitively when you are telling her all of this. Maybe even mention that she was the person you thought you were going to be most comfortable with. Mention the things you do enjoy about her, but define that they are not enjoyed in a romantic sense. In most cases you're going to be able to maintain a great friendship with her if you do this well. Don't jump into a relationship with another man right away or talk about boys you like. Just make sure she understands that you care about her, you don't want to hurt her, but that you don't have romantic feelings for her.

I've seen this situation many times, and most times it will go over smoothly. She may be upset for a while but more than likely she'll come to terms and support you. It shows that you do care for her considering you are taking to heart her feelings about what may be happening. Try not to make this sound like a break up, it should be more like taking a step back into friendship. Let her know you'll support her and stay close as a friend to her.

She may feel hurt if she really likes you, but if you are genuine about it things are less likely to be dramatic.

Remember to do this in person if you can, and NOT in a public place. I really hope this helps. Best of luck to you!

[charlie3322]

ive been there before..i just told her i wasnt ready for a relationship.. then later on i told her i was gay..