i hate myself and want to kill myself

[green]

so i used to have "friends" and now no one actually wants to hang out with me. guess they got tired of pretending the liked me and so have just started saying it straight up. I never get invited to anything. They will all go to the movies and ill be at the mall and they will all be walking around in their big group and they will see me then try and avoid me so they dont have to talk to me. They even just tell me to go away and they call me names, like faggot, fat arse and say shit about me behind my back. I cant take it and for some reason i keep going back. Maybe its because i have no one else. if i didnt hang out with them at lunch, id be the kid who sits of to the side of the basketball court and sketches shit while all the other kids get to have fun and laugh at me. It makes me want to kill them and i know that i wont its just how i feel some times. other times i want to kill myself. Im not even good enough for my family. My parents are always dissapointed in me cuz of my grades. My mum gets angry at me because i cant get motivated for anything and i wont talk to her about any of my problems. Im pretty sure im developing depression and that scares the shit out of me.

I dont want to go to a fucking psychiatrist and have them analyse everything i say. If anything i just want to get the pills and go. then theres the part of me that doesnt want the pills. because i know they wont help. I cant think of anything that can help me. I cant think of a way out of this. the music helps a bit but it is making it all go away. what should i do to fix myself.

[SimSailorNick]

I feel like that sometimes. What i try to do this analyze the situation. Why do they hate me in the first place? Did i do or say something bad to them? or What can i do better? Do they think i'm being shy/fake and need to show my personality more?

If you find the root cause of what's causing this, find the best way you can solve it and i'm pretty sure you'll be happy again soon. You could always talk to me if you need help or just someone to talk to. Good luck!

[green]

i know exactly why they hate me. Im different. I am outspoken alot of the time and that makes their friends angry at me which turns them against me. its always been like that. i cant help it, its just who i am.

[SimSailorNick]

Maybe you can tone it down a bit. Try experimenting and see which is the best one that will benefit not only them but you as well. :)

[Hopeless-_-Heartache]

So nobody can just wave a magic wand and "fix" themselfs, but honestly i dont think any of us can be broken in the 1st place. if theres one thing i can tell you trying to kill yourself isnt worth it... chances are it wont work and you'll end up in a institute for the meantal ill like i did. and believe me... THATS hell...

Peace love and smiles,
Corieann</3

[Mirage]

i know exactly why they hate me. Im different. I am outspoken alot of the time and that makes their friends angry at me which turns them against me. its always been like that. i cant help it, its just who i am.

This.

This is how I am, and it is what brought me to this forum in the first place. I feel your pain. Please don't kill yourself. The cons outweigh the pros.

[MalditoDia]

Im sorry you feel that way. maybe you can try to get new friends. i had this same problem. Just find people who understabd you.

[PrincessFallen14]

i had sorta the same situation. i left school for a year. before everyone knew me and i hung out with alot of people and it was fun and everything but when i came back-it was like i never existed and all of my 'friends' were talking about me and starting rumors. i agree-it sucks and you do get alittle suicidal, but know what helped me? by making friends. sounds crazy at our age but its really easy. just start hanging out with people you never even said hi to before. theyll be happy for a new friend and accept you. as for the mom thing? maybe if you talked to a cousin or bestfriend-someone you trust-she'll leave you alone. she just has to know that you have someone to talk to even though its not her-she'll feel better to know someones helping you. goodluck!

[ocdseeking]

I know how you feel.
For a year I was attending a school where I was treated like that. I thought everywhere it is like that, I lost self, I forgot self, I broke mentally several times and...yeah, it was horrible.
But then I changed school and things where better in the new one.
And I coped with my personality problems.
And you know what I realized once my true personality was back? That I was wrong.
I was wrong for blaming myself for the fact they didn't like me.
I was wrong for caring what they think about me.
I was wrong for thinking having friends is important.

So what I advice you is....
Do what you want to be. Be yourself. If you don't know what yourself is, make a "yourself" for yourself. At home, engage in activities you like. If you don't know what you like, use the intent to find out.
At school, forget about others and enjoy yourself. Dunno. I always browse Internet or read books, but that's just me and it can be something different for you.

Also, I don't know your situation but nobody tries to "pretend" to be anyone's friends. Perhaps they did like you but you just developed in a different way? No reason to try taking their path. No reason to regret it.