Not doing it right

[Nevermore]

So, I've been struggling with self injury, since, well forever. Anyway I just needed to vent. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but I compare constantly my cuts with others, and I hate mine. Mine aren't as deep as theirs sometimes and I get really subconscious and triggered, and feel more like a failure. I feel like, " Geez Sammy, you cut yourself because your a failure, and look you can't even do that right.. you worthless piece of shit, what am I going to do with you, you're better off dead." I've been cutting deeper and deeper because of other people, and its scaring me. I'm afraid one day I'll go too deep... I guess the reason I needed to vent about it, was because my one friend was talking about it, and how horrible their other friend was, and 3rd degree burns etc. and their arm is a mess. I've been trying really hard to stay "clean." It's been a struggle. Last week I almost committed suicide, and tried ODing. And this week I'm on new meds and getting readjusted to things, and it's like I don't care anymore and I'm just trying so hard, because I'm afraid once I start, one I won't stop, and two i'll go too deep. And the scary part is a part of me doesn't care, and wants me to go too deep. So I have this internal head battle and end up doing nothing.. or scratching, and I just want this to stop! I don't know how not to be triggered by other people. Does anybody else have this problem and if so what do you do when you are triggered and how do you not let it affect you?

[bena3217]

it doesnt matter what your friends do to themselves...i know this sounds selfish...but worry about yourself and not them...it doesnt matter how deep the cuts...how many cuts or how bad the burns...its the fact that they and you doing it that is the problem...okay and now the suicide...there is no point in kliiling yourself...alll that means is that there is one less beautiful girl on earth...people will miss you...suicide is never the option...now with the triggering...like i said...worry more about yourself than you worry about hpw bad they look..you got your own problems and you have to get through them before you can help others...mabye you can teach yourself not to look for it...personaly i look for if people cut themselves because i want to help...but try and distract yourself from seeing what other people do to themselves...if you see it then think about other things...think about music...sing your favorite song in your head...just try to aviod thinking of it and when you get home and you get the urge to cut or burn or whatever...distract yourself with the things around you...do your homework as slow as you can(i know that sounds stupid but it works) go and watch tv..go take a walk...call a friend...be creative...but suicide is never the option! stay safe! i hope ypou feel better!! :)

[Nevermore]

I know I shouldn't care, and it's not the worrying it's just how it affects me seeing it... And thank you but I am far from beautiful. I know it's not the option, and I'm no longer suicidal, which is good. :) I'll try to not worry about them though. Maybe if I don't speak to them it'll help or not see them. I'll try that thank you so much <3

[bena3217]

everybody is beautiful in there own way! you might see it diffrent that other people do! but you are beautiful!! :) and its a huge pleasure! just stay safe! :)

[kidkizzet]

I know what it's like to feel you're not doing it 'right' for one reason or another. In fact, I know pretty much exactly how you feel on this one.

When I used to feel I'd 'failed', I started wondering why the fuck I was doing it. Obviously there was reasons for my self-harm, but the idea I was failing at it really messed me up. I dont remember exactly what happened back then, but I remember trying to pull myself away from the triggers, to avoid them, the mentions of self-harm was something I was sure to keep away from. I ended not cutting as much because it was like 'if I can't do it right then I might as well try to stop, at least then I can succeed in something'. If I couldn't cut right then why stay on the fence? I decided at least if I didn't do it I couldn't fail. Quitting was hard and I relapsed a fair bit, but the idea I could succeed at something stuck in my mind. There were some other things I thought that weren't constructive and So I ignored them and just stuck with the idea that quitting is better than failing in this case. It was hard but I'd rather relapse any day than 'fail' at cutting when trying to do it 'right'. It's more effort than its worth and it really messes you up inside. Why even attempt to do it 'right' when I never succeeded? I came to the conclusion that if I quit then even if I relapsed, I had proof I could kind of succeed at something. I wouldn't be a total failure.

I'm not sure if that helps you at all, it's just part I my story.

[Amaryllis]

Sammy, there is no "right" to self harm and nothing good comes of comparing your injuries to others. Believe me, I've been there. I understand that you feel you're not as "bad" as everyone else but deeper and more does not necessarily mean in more pain and more "experienced."

Next time someone tells you about themselves or their friends self-harming say "Please, I don't want to listen. I find it very triggering and I'm recovering. Is it alright if we change the subject?" Avoid pictures of self-injury at all costs, they do you no good. Do what makes you happy instead. Search up jokes, create art, listening to -happy- or at least not sad music, chat with a friend who talks mostly about lighthearted stuff and just do everything you can to remove yourself from the depression and self-harming scene.

Good luck, honey. You can do this.

[Consumemysoul]

I feel the more I cut, the more beautiful I am because my innate attraction to scars. It leads me to not be as worried while cutting, my only goal is to create something I find aesthetically pleasing.