Brad387
December 16th, 2011, 04:53 PM
I am beginning to believe that I may be suffering with social anxiety. Whilst I know that self-diagnosis is never a certain, it does seem as though I match some of the symptoms. I mean, I do have difficulty in certain social situations; meeting new people is a real challenge and I often avoid wearing particular fashion styles or saying/doing particular things for fear of being judged. But, even if this isn't social anxiety or some kind of social disorder, I certainly suffer with being extremely shy and would very much appreciate some advice on the matter.
I'm just so god damn lonely. Other than my family, I truly have nobody. Sure, you could say these two guys I hang out with school are my friends but I know better. To be honest, they know very little about the true me and...how do I explain it? Well, they are just such a bore! They never want to hang out and the only discussion I can ever make with them is about video games. Sure, I like them but I want to go to the shops, go cinema...all the stuff that people normally do my age. Frankly, I have drifted apart so much from these two recently that the only reason I hold onto them as friends is out of fear that I shan't be able to make new ones.
Most people think I am either being rude or simply don't wish to know them when I don't speak up very much around them. However, this is far from the case. I yearn for a fulfilling social life with true friends who get me and actually want to hang out. Unfortunately, when it comes to speaking up around people...well, I just get as nervous as mouse around a cat. I have never had a good experience making friends though. My first ever friend from way back at my first days of nursery randomly got his elder brother to beat me up and, only a few years ago, my second true friend betrayed me when I found out he was hacking my online accounts, attempting to steal from me and spreading rumours behind my back all whilst using me to help him with his homework, buy him gifts for his birthday and play games of a higher age rating behind his parent's back.
The tipping point was today, however. In the final lesson of the day before breaking up for the Christmas holidays, this guy who I have had a massive crush on since two years ago decided to sit next to me. He is good looking, but even more so is smart, funny and seems to be a nice guy...well, at least to me. He has previously said I'd be sexy if I did my hair this way, said I should speak to him more, that he likes my laugh and he has just been abnormally nice to me lately. Heck, he even caught me staring at him once in lesson and, despite this, just smiled back. The only reason I haven't spoke to him about this yet is my total lack of confidence and, whilst I seriously doubt he is gay/bi, I'd like to be friends with him at the very least. This guy even signed my cast (I fractured my wrist in football at school around two to three weeks ago now), which is more sympathy or concern than even my supposed friends could raise.
There are plenty of other people in my school who have been really nice to me; certainly nicer to me than my "friends" as of late who just told me to stop complaining when the incident occurred and threatened to whack my broken wrist when I pissed one of them off by trying to talk to them about the issues I mentioned earlier in this thread. My confidence, social anxiety or whatever it may be is holding me back. I want to beat it and get out there (and socialise).
Now, the title of thread may seem drastic but I honestly feel this to be ruining my life. I feel so lonely. As I said, the only people I really have are my own family and, even then, there are certain times lately where we do not see eye to eye. I don't care what it is that makes me get so nervous, but I want to end it. Please, if anyone could offer some advice, I'd be thankful.
I'm just so god damn lonely. Other than my family, I truly have nobody. Sure, you could say these two guys I hang out with school are my friends but I know better. To be honest, they know very little about the true me and...how do I explain it? Well, they are just such a bore! They never want to hang out and the only discussion I can ever make with them is about video games. Sure, I like them but I want to go to the shops, go cinema...all the stuff that people normally do my age. Frankly, I have drifted apart so much from these two recently that the only reason I hold onto them as friends is out of fear that I shan't be able to make new ones.
Most people think I am either being rude or simply don't wish to know them when I don't speak up very much around them. However, this is far from the case. I yearn for a fulfilling social life with true friends who get me and actually want to hang out. Unfortunately, when it comes to speaking up around people...well, I just get as nervous as mouse around a cat. I have never had a good experience making friends though. My first ever friend from way back at my first days of nursery randomly got his elder brother to beat me up and, only a few years ago, my second true friend betrayed me when I found out he was hacking my online accounts, attempting to steal from me and spreading rumours behind my back all whilst using me to help him with his homework, buy him gifts for his birthday and play games of a higher age rating behind his parent's back.
The tipping point was today, however. In the final lesson of the day before breaking up for the Christmas holidays, this guy who I have had a massive crush on since two years ago decided to sit next to me. He is good looking, but even more so is smart, funny and seems to be a nice guy...well, at least to me. He has previously said I'd be sexy if I did my hair this way, said I should speak to him more, that he likes my laugh and he has just been abnormally nice to me lately. Heck, he even caught me staring at him once in lesson and, despite this, just smiled back. The only reason I haven't spoke to him about this yet is my total lack of confidence and, whilst I seriously doubt he is gay/bi, I'd like to be friends with him at the very least. This guy even signed my cast (I fractured my wrist in football at school around two to three weeks ago now), which is more sympathy or concern than even my supposed friends could raise.
There are plenty of other people in my school who have been really nice to me; certainly nicer to me than my "friends" as of late who just told me to stop complaining when the incident occurred and threatened to whack my broken wrist when I pissed one of them off by trying to talk to them about the issues I mentioned earlier in this thread. My confidence, social anxiety or whatever it may be is holding me back. I want to beat it and get out there (and socialise).
Now, the title of thread may seem drastic but I honestly feel this to be ruining my life. I feel so lonely. As I said, the only people I really have are my own family and, even then, there are certain times lately where we do not see eye to eye. I don't care what it is that makes me get so nervous, but I want to end it. Please, if anyone could offer some advice, I'd be thankful.