Not even sure anymore..

[Jupiter]

I feel like I am on the boiling point at all times of the day. I already argue with my friends on a daily basis. It feels like there are only 5 people that I can truly trust, but I used to be a person kinda guy, ya know? It just feels like everything I do get's screwed up, and everything I do IS a screw up. It's almost like.... I'm not even sure..

There's these two sides of me..

Side one: Darkness.. I just wanna get into a fight. Break a nose, yell.. something. I just want have someone to talk to who I can honestly trust. No one who will backstab me. Just one person. Is that really too much to ask for? I mean.. I swear.. just about every person in my life.. has done.. something? No.. plenty of things to lose my trust. Even when I forgive easily. I lost all trust for everyone. Good luck getting it back, everyone.

Side two: Jumping for joy! I finally found that girl. She isn't new either. We had this thing going on, but over the summer... this........ OTHER girl.. had to start flirting again. What can I say, I'm a sucker for flirters. But she was dating my best friend.

And back to darkness....They knew each other for THREE MONTHS AND were saying "I love you :S" and I knew her since fourth grade.. and that's what, almost 4 years? I told her for the first time this summer that I loved the other girl. Love= Lost. I'm such a loser sometimes. I suppose you aren't even reading this anymore. Anyway..

[Bob_]

Hah... I know what you're saying. I can't even get my hopes up with the stuff I have to deal with. But, I finally meet the one girl I can make a serious personal relation to, and for the past 4 days, she won't even make eye contact with me, let alone even talk to me. So yeah, it's not fun losing one of the few people you trust any more, but through life there are more people, more chances, more successes, and more failures. You'll experience these for as long as you're around, but though it all, there will ALWAYS be a reason to be happy. I still have my one friend to trust, and I've got his back wheenever he needs me, too. Life is a love-hate relationship, so learn to love the hate, so you don't hate to love. Might as well be glad, you've still got at least one person there for you, and that's all anybody needs.

[Amaryllis]

Hey, Eric. Firstly I'd like to say there is no time in attraction - as in, just because you've known someone for longer does not mean they are more likely to fall in love with you than they are with someone they've known for a few months. Also, "love" is subjective. It is very hard to define, but I'd say it's a deep caring, however, the amount of care varies and often is not long-lasting, especially in youth.

It sounds like you genuinely like her, but, allow me to say I think you might also desire a relationship - someone you're very close with and you can call your own. But you have a lot of time to find that someone, sweetie. And at times it is better to find peace with yourself than it is to find frustration in a meaningless relationship built on desperateness.

As for the "two sides" of you, well, I wouldn't call them sides. It's you. Not everyone is -one- emotion and personality throughout, all the time. We all have parts we don't necessarily like about ourselves and parts that may seem "bitter" or parts that may seem "fake" but that's all part of life.

Life is about experimenting, doing all that you can, finding people and learning about yourself. It's looking at the sky each day and noticing how the clouds, colours and lights change every day. It's having many, many roads to choose from and walking down as many paths as you possibly can. We spend our days wishing for what will not come if we are to simply wish - rather than going out and searching for it without the fear of not finding it.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

[Jupiter]

:) thanks, Z. That's really.... like.. amazing... and powerful.