I need help

[FullyAlive]

I feel like giving up, just accepting that all this shit is my fate in life. But I don't want to. Not really I want to be like my friends, normal.

I can't stop cutting, I break new blades pretty much every few days just to keep the depth up. I keep saying I'll stop, I make conscious efforts but I can't. I need to cut to sleep, I need to cut just to have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. I've gotten so reckless, I really don't care where I cut now, after all everyone who knows me could probably guess, I don't need excuses for sleeves etc. I just cut whatever part of me takes my fancy recently i've wanted to cut my face, I haven't but probably more for practicality than anything how would I bandage it after all.

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve by writing this I feel like I'm attention seeking or whatever but I literally have nowhere else to turn. My friends they have their own problems and I doubt they give a fuck to be honest. My counsellor cancelled on me three months ago and didn't bother rearranging, the woman at school accused me of having an eating disorder I don't tell her anything anymore. I just need someone to talk to, to tell me it will all be alright.

My head hurts so much, I just want to cry. And I know other people probably have it worse have been through worse. But they must be a lot stronger than me. I can't take much more of this, I just want to feel ok, I don't even search for happiness now, just an end to pain. I'm literally losing the will to live. I just don't know what to do, someone help me. Please.

[XxEmoCheerleaderxX]

:(... don't give up... things will get better... it may not be tommorow or even this month... but things will get better, they have to...

[NightFighter]

Hey Louise,

Undoubtedly you have a lot buzzing through your mind right now. I would just like to offer some comfort to you.

I feel like giving up, just accepting that all this shit is my fate in life. But I don't want to. Not really I want to be like my friends, normal.

First of all, I'd just like to point out that you still have fight left in you. You don't want to give up! Therefore, i believe you wont. You're just in a rough patch. It may seem like this is your life but its not. It wont always be bad; it wont always be good. Just keep fighting and you're winning.

Secondly, you want to be "normal"? Where's the fun in that!? :)

I can't stop cutting, I break new blades pretty much every few days just to keep the depth up. I keep saying I'll stop, I make conscious efforts but I can't. I need to cut to sleep, I need to cut just to have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. I've gotten so reckless, I really don't care where I cut now, after all everyone who knows me could probably guess, I don't need excuses for sleeves etc. I just cut whatever part of me takes my fancy recently i've wanted to cut my face, I haven't but probably more for practicality than anything how would I bandage it after all.

So, now i can offer some advice that helped me. I don't want you to stop cutting. Not yet. I want you to limit the number of times you cut. I want you to resist cutting just one time. Then, write down your feelings about how you managed to abstain from it. Then, in time, refrain from doing it more and more. I don't believe someone can just quit self harming. You need to cut down first. Eventually you'll stop. I believe you can do this.

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve by writing this I feel like I'm attention seeking or whatever but I literally have nowhere else to turn. My friends they have their own problems and I doubt they give a fuck to be honest. My counsellor cancelled on me three months ago and didn't bother rearranging, the woman at school accused me of having an eating disorder I don't tell her anything anymore. I just need someone to talk to, to tell me it will all be alright.

My head hurts so much, I just want to cry.

This overflow of emotion is understandable. Everyone needs to vent sometimes. If you want to cry then do it. You dont need me to tell you that you'll feel better afterwards.

And I know other people probably have it worse have been through worse. But they must be a lot stronger than me. I can't take much more of this, I just want to feel ok, I don't even search for happiness now, just an end to pain. I'm literally losing the will to live. I just don't know what to do, someone help me. Please.

I don't understand why people think this. Every situation is different. Every person is different. Don't depreciate your life like that. You have a life that you live through everyday. Just because some people may have more extreme situations happening to them doesn't mean you need to think any less of your personal struggles. They still count and so do you.

I think it is commendable that you are asking for help and you haven't given up. You still care about yourself. Just keep fighting. It's always worth it.

Speak to me if you ever need.

Take care, Louise

You'll be fine.

[bena3217]

just because people have it worse doesnt mean you dont have it bad too! everybody has problems and they way they deal with it is their own choice! you know you can do it! i have this really good site that helped me alot! PM me if you want it! :) but you can do it! dont give up! remember! pain is weakness leaving the body! so stand strong! you know you can! everytime you want to cut...do whatever you can to distract yourself! you deserve to be happy! people need to understand they need to help you! you need help! you should live your life the way you want to! i believe your friends actually care but they are to selfish to show anything! if you go and talk to them im sure they wont turn you down! stay strong! if you ever need help! plz PM me! i will help you! promise :) stay strong! i believe in you!!!

[Njathind]

Louise I had no idea, I'm so sorry :hug:

Next time your on MSN tell me everything ok!

[RustyRockets]

Hi Louise

I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this at the moment. It's great that you're making a consciuous effort to stop cutting, even if it's not really working out right now. The main thing is that you're here and talking, I'm so sure that all of us together can sort things out, you aren't alone, you're not attention seeking and this period of time will pass.

Please don't cut your face :( The scars on my arms make me upset sometimes because the skin was so clean once, before it got ruined. I don't want you to have something you'll see in the mirror a year from now! Have you thought about getting back in touch with a professional after your first doc cancelled? Can you talk to a friend at all? I know you think they don't care, but I'm sure it's not true. There is always somebody you can turn too!

And until then and if you can't find anyone, we're all here! :)

Please keep talking and posting and trust yourself not to make any big decisions right now. Make a bit of distance between your thoughts and your actions, that way you'll regret far less.

Stay safe,
Rus

p.s. I'm from Birmingham too and we're tough cookies!

[Amaryllis]

Firstly, it doesn't matter if someone else has been through "worse", because no matter what anyone goes through - you'll still have feelings of your own. You can't deny yourself of whatever pain you're having to cope with.

Now, as for the counsellor, they don't generally schedule appointments -for- you, they wait till you're ready. Because they know that most of the time, children do not enjoy being -made- to do something e.g. seeking help. And he knows he can't help you unless you are willing to accept change, to help yourself and make a concerted effort to cope in a manner that doesn't damage you.

The office lady who "accused" you of having an eating disorder, most likely didn't mean to be accusing. She's probably just very worried. I know when my weight dropped to around 75, people simply could not keep their mouths shut. They're not trying to gang up on you, sweetheart. They're concerned and they want what's best.

And your friends most likely -do- care. Sure, they may not know how to help and because they don't know how, they won't. They just don't want to make it worse. However, there -are- people who -do- know how to help and are willing. Many of us on VT(myself included) are. You just need to give it a chance - and if one friend doesn't help, try another and another.

Honey, I know it's -very- difficult to stop cutting but it isn't as impossible as it appears to be. You -can- do this. And it -does- get easier to go without. You've grown reliant on the endorphin rush you get from cutting, but you don't need that. Other things can give you the same pleasure - you just need to search for it and try.

Love,
Amaryllis

[Oddgirlout]

I know how u feel, I'm 14 and self harm as well. My parents divorced a year ago and not long after my mom remarried, my dad is in alcoholic, and I'm home schooled and have no friends. I'm depressed all the time mostly at night when I'm all alone, So my life Is all screwed up, just like u I really need someone to talk we can talk.

[content removed - please don't give out contact information ~georgiamay.]

[Love.Hate]

I know this is of little use, but people have said everything i want to say.

Hang in there sweetie, im here if you need me, you know that.. dont hesitate to pop up on chat if your not feeling great.. take all the support you can :hug:

[FullyAlive]

So, now i can offer some advice that helped me. I don't want you to stop cutting. Not yet. I want you to limit the number of times you cut. I want you to resist cutting just one time. Then, write down your feelings about how you managed to abstain from it. Then, in time, refrain from doing it more and more. I don't believe someone can just quit self harming. You need to cut down first. Eventually you'll stop. I believe you can do this.


I have tried this approach I did it by picking a day I wouldn't cut on each week, it never really worked for me I really think I need to just stop. So long as I keep cutting I'll always have how good it feels in my mind and I'll never really have the motivation to stop if you understand?

pain is weakness leaving the body! so stand strong! you know you can! everytime you want to cut...do whatever you can to distract yourself! you deserve to be happy!

I'm sorry distractions have never really worked for me really. Not going to agree on the happiness either, but thankyou :)

Louise I had no idea, I'm so sorry :hug:

Next time your on MSN tell me everything ok!

It's ok, if I can't keep saying sorry neither can you :P thankyou :hug:


Please keep talking and posting and trust yourself not to make any big decisions right now. Make a bit of distance between your thoughts and your actions, that way you'll regret far less.

This is really good advice I'm really going to think about this thankyou :)

Ps. I'm trying extra hard wouldn't want to let birmigham down :P

Now, as for the counsellor, they don't generally schedule appointments -for- you, they wait till you're ready. Because they know that most of the time, children do not enjoy being -made- to do something e.g. seeking help. And he knows he can't help you unless you are willing to accept change, to help yourself and make a concerted effort to cope in a manner that doesn't damage you.

That's the thing though I was really getting somewhere with my counselling, it was tough going I won't lie but it was starting to have an affect. He omly cancelled through illness and I'm not sure why I never had another appointment, I'm not discharged and I did phone up but yeah :/
Thankyou for your reply :)

I know this is of little use, but people have said everything i want to say.

Hang in there sweetie, im here if you need me, you know that.. dont hesitate to pop up on chat if your not feeling great.. take all the support you can :hug:

Thankyou, same applies to you Fred! :hug3:


Argh, I just feel like I mess everything up and there's absolutely no hope for me any more. I just want to give up let everything that's coming to me happen.
But I can't for the very few people left that still care.
I just wish I could let go of my pretense at being ok, I want to disappear, I want people to forget me. To walk in a room and not notice if I'm there or not. Leave me alone to keep on cutting. Just let me fade away.

[RustyRockets]

I hope talking has helped you out even a little Louise!

Remember, you think only a few people would be hurt if something happened to you, but you also hate how many people take an interest in you. The truth is I'm sure so many people want you to be ok! Rather than thinking of that as pressure, try and feel supported by it.

I know everybody here wants you to be ok too. Keep talking, I think you sound a little better already :)

[FullyAlive]

I don't know if talking has really done anything for me if i'm honest, i know that i have problems that perhaps ntalking can't really fix, its a whole cycle. I guess i was just hoping for a quick solution.

[nate123]

ever tried a prayer. times of desperation. they say he listens and can help. try it?

[FullyAlive]

Not religious.