It's coming back again.

[schrei jess]

I’m feeling the urges again and they get stronger every day. I’m having a lot of stress from school, and I still haven’t learned a healthy way to deal with it yet, and all I can think about is cutting or burning myself again. The more I think about it, the more it appeals to me, and the more I want to do it. Ever since I stopped, I’ve been feeling like a fake, like I’m not myself. And when I think about doing it again, I imagine myself feeling complete. I want to feel complete, and I want to feel real. And the only thing I can think of to make myself feel that is to hurt myself. I just don’t know how to cope with the stress, and I don’t know how to feel like I’m alive.

And I know that I’m asking for help here, sort of, but the sad part is, is that I don’t want help. I know that I want to do it again, and I want to feel the pain. It’s all I want right now. It’s all that I can think of to do. What is wrong with me, why can’t I just leave this all behind? Why is my mind always resorting back to this behavior?

[NintendoFanboy]

It's satan knotting at your soul. He wants you to believe that the only way to make yourself feel better is to hurt yourself. I don't really care if you're an athiest, a christian (Which I hope), or whatever religion. But still, there are other ways to relieve stress than hurting yourself. For Example: Video games. They work for me. Do something you love to do, (other than hurt yourself, mind you) and go do it! NOTE: I am no professional, no 13 year old could be. I just know what I know, and I believe and have faith in what I believe.

[Sapphire]

The urges are all part and parcel of the love/hate relationship we share with SI. As far as I have gathered through your posts and threads you came to depend on the pain as a coping mechanism. In your subconscious you associate the pain with feeling better about situations you found yourself in, yourself and your life. This dependence you had makes it harder to leave behind.

You are not alone, however. I am in the same boat as you, almost. Just try to stay strong and distract yourself with different activites. Be it listening to music and mooching about online or reading or watching tv. All that matters is that you occupy yourself with something and therefore distance yourself from your immediate desire to harm yourself.
Try to stay strong
:hug:

[schrei jess]

Thanks for the advice guys :)

The urges vary in strength each day, and some days Ill barely feel it all. But then something happens, even something insignificant that makes me crazy and stressed and Ill feel them creeping back up.

Im doing a good job at ignoring them, though, I think. I havent done anything yet, and Im still hanging on, but that could change in any moment, and Im very aware of that.

[Everglow]

aww jess..i'm soo sorry that the urges are comin back..i get them to..every now and then..it's really tough for me to keep my head sane atm, especially with annoying stressors like school, but i hope you keep at ignoring the urges..sounds like you're doing alirght so far :) which is definately a plus!! i feel terrible that i hadn't said anything earlier..my dad was being a computer nazi over the weekend and yesterday..i wish i could have been there for you like when you were there for me.

if you wanna talk don't hesitate to ask me..i'll get back to you asap :)

take care friend :)

[Bobby]

I know you gave in Jess, from reading the other thread.

You need to take that experience and learn from it. It didn't help you, it felt like it did, but it didn't. Cutting isn't the answer.

[schrei jess]

I know it's not the answer to my problems, I really dont have any right now aside from the stress. But that's what it helps, it helps the stress, and it helps me deal with whatever Im feeling on the inside. I dont have anything else that does that, Ive never learned another way, which is the whole problem here.

Through my research on SI for that school project, one of the reasons people get addicted to SI is because they had never learned a way to cope with stress and emotional pain. That is exactly me right there. I have no other way.

Im sorry. Mostly sorry to myself, but sorry to everyone else on here that cared and tried to help. Whenever I get an idea in my head, I usually never let anyone talk me out of it.

[Bobby]

Maybe you should try to pick up a new hobby, like excersise, or writing.