This will just get worse...

[AliceFaye]

This is what i keep telling myself. When i was younger i suffered from anorexia and was in a clinic when i hit 65lbs (im 5'5'), i recovered but i kept gaining weight till i hit 270lbs, then i started occasionally throwing up... It's not all the time, i guess its a form of self harm for me, if im feeling sad or angry or depressed i make myself throw upits maybe 3 times a month or something. I also have anorexia relapses and ill go weeks without eating... i know i have a problem but i keep convincing myself i dont because i dont want to go through the 'recovery' shit again and its not too bad right now...
This is more of a rant than anything else but idk what i can dop anymore... this will get worse wont it? :(

[BrokenButterflies]

To be honest, yes. It most likely will. The fact that you know that is a good sign.
You need to tell someone before it gets any worse then it already is.

Hang in there.

[Amaryllis]

No, it won't.

If you choose to recover - you will. Temporary recovery is different from recovery. It isn't just about gaining weight and staying physically healthy. It's about learning to be okay with who you are because there are some things you will never be able to change. It's about learning how to cope with the stress and anxiety without damaging yourself. It's about seeing beyond your eating disorder, beyond food, calories and weight - it's about living.

Life is short, Alice. And you only get one shot at it. I won't promise you a miracle, but I can promise you that you -can- recover and it -will- get better if you so choose. When I dropped to 50lbs, I never thought I'd get back up. I tried so hard to recover but I just couldn't. It was a horrible, horrible period. But I slowly did recover, however long it may have take. It took buckets and buckets of tears, tons of wasted time and many lost friendships - but I got there.

I'm fully recovered now and I'm so much happier than I was before. Yes, I'm still working on my self-destructive tendencies but it -is- better and people love you so much more when you can see beyond yourself and wanting to be perfect, sweetpea.

It -will- be okay. It will. Trust yourself, have faith that you will be free one day because you will. You're not Ana, you're you. Shake her off - she isn't needed in your life. Find yourself and see beyond your eating disorder because that life is beautiful. Keep going and never be afraid to seek help.