A Love's Save

[amscramhick]

Clock tolls
Death's hour
He places a rose on her grave
And walks away
He can't help but think it's his fault
He could save her from the world
But not from herself
He finds himself standing by the tree
Viewing this time his noose, not hers
He places it gently around his neck
And kicks the chair from beneath his feet
As he feels the rope tighten
He suddenly feels it loosen
As he falls toward the ground
And he sees her sweet faces as it fades away
And she saves him
Like he couldn't save her
It's his time to live,
And even after death
Love makes a save

[jacknife]

I like it but try to put more punctuation and/or spaces between lines. I got confused a couple times on what the rhythm was because I didn't know when a new thought was beginning or ending! For example:

"And he sees her sweet faces as it fades away
And she saves him
Like he couldn't save her
It's his time to live,"

At first, I read that as, "And he sees her sweet faces as it fades away; and she saves him. Like he couldn't save her, it's his time to live,"

Putting spaces between lines to start new stanzas will help. But if you want to keep everything close together maybe using more punctuation will make things clearer? Just a thought!

Also, I think someone once mentioned to me a long time ago (probably when I was your age, haha!) that I began too many lines with the word, "And." I was confused at first, but as I worked on removing "and" from my poetry I found that I was forced to be more clever and creative in coming up with new ways to arrange sentences. It forced me to explore more language possibilities and different arrangements of words.

And the ending to this poem is very sweet. Made me smile. :)