What Am I?

[iLoveCookies]

I get these feelings of pure anger. Anger and self hatred and hatred for other people. I just want to hurt someone.. and its so strange and new to me. In my family everyone gets depressed during winter. This is the first time its happened. My dad said to me 'you seem to be getting the same thing I and your brothers get, and if you need help with it just let me know'. I honestly think it has something to do with my ex. He's ruining me. I used to have the mindset of fuck the world, im me and just deal with it. But now hes gone after me for everything i have. He's told me if you killed yourself I would not care and no one else would either.

How am i supposed to deal with this? I am so lonely and have no motivation.. for life.

[LittleMiss]

I think if you are affected by the weather especially the winter months its something like SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. I wouldnt worry about the fact that ive just gave a name; im like that - I get depressed easily in the winter.. Especially because the cold triggers off my joint pain.

I think you need to try and block your ex out your life. Tell him to back off. Its sounds like harassment in my opinion to be honest. Does anyone else know about what hes been saying to you?

With these feelings for anger- do you normally have any way to relieve anger? I found anger quite a foreign emotion to myself and I tend to just plug in headphone and listen to a heavy-metal song and like.. Scream in my mind (because I just.. dont/cant scream..)

Either that or you could try relaxation techniques to calm yourself down when you are angry. Deep calm breathes. Count to 10. Focus on your breathing and dont focus on anything else, as you are doing it imagine that your body is unwinding and that all your anger and stresses are just following away through your fingertips like water.. May sound odd but ive done it on occasion. Best in a quite atmosphere so you dont get distracted by noise though.

I do really think that you need to at least distance yourself from your ex, if not take further measure. The things he are saying are not kind at all and hes doing it to purposely make you feel bad.. If someone doesnt know about it then you might think of having to report him for continued harassment.. Just tell him to back off and leave you alone. Or ignore him completely so he gets 'bored of it' if you can.. If he cant get a reaction out of you then usually people tend to stop, but if he continues then yeah.. Something will need to be done about it..

..I hope this made some sense hun.. x