Overwhelmed.

[Ksndr26]

A lot of my friends have been depressed lately for different reasons, and they aren't the type of people to hide it.

I've had a really rough year myself though, although I don't know if I can be categorized as depressed, over the last 14 months(I know its not a perfect year) my dad has had a lot of health problems(two heart attacks, stroke, and now he has a bit of brain damage/paralysis on one side) which leaves me to take care of him a lot, and he's begun to develop Alzheimers from it as well. He's not the same person anymore, and I miss my old dad a lot, sometimes to the point where I don't feel like I even know him anymore. And my mom works two jobs, both night shifts and is rarely ever home, and my parents mean the world to me, so I feel as though I've lost the two people I care about most. I also have an allergy to perfume, and have missed over 20 days of school this term alone because of kids wearing scents to school(15 of those days I was hospitalized because of heart/lung damage, I'm anaphylaxis and it was nearly too late when the ambulance arrived), and I struggle with social anxiety too, so I'm always having a constant battle within myself to do certain things, and then everything added on has me in a completely unstable state.

But when I'm not struggling with my social anxiety I'm usually the complete opposite of someone who you would expect is suffering from it, and a lot of my friends have no idea of how my home life is. So, I get treated as their therapist a lot of the time. And I've been okay with that up until now... I feel as though they're becoming too dependent on me too, to make them feel better and fix their problems for them. I mean, I love my friends to pieces and I really do enjoy helping others feel better... I want to go into social work/communications when I'm older but if I can't even face MY OWN problems right now, how can someone else ask me to help them with theirs? I mean, I'm only 16.. And I don't really know how to explain to them that I just can't take on their problems too anymore, without making them mad or upsetting/offending them.

Any, um, suggestions, maybe?

Thanks..

Kass

[LittleMiss]

Well, im sorry to hear that you are having so many difficulties at home, etc. I can partly understand some of it as my family is not in good health either (and its been like that with at least someone in my life from a very young age, myself included).

As for friends depending on you- thats a tough one. They'll talk to you because they feel comfortable talking and expressing themselves to someone but yes, you are right- at some stage they will need to help deal with their own problems..

I think you've got alot on your plate at the moment. So its natural you feel overwhelmed; I think alot of people would in your situation, especially because of the time period as well. Do you ever feel like you dont have a 'break' from it all and that you are endlessly running round? For your own health- try (I know it may be difficult considering the scenarios you have) but try and keep a bit of space to yourself so you can just relax and chill and try and not let things overwhelm you. Take things one at a time if you can. Another option is try and talk to your friends about one or two of your home problems; may not be the best scenario considering they are also depressed but on occasion ive talked to one of my friends about problems and shes still been there to help me through it sometimes..

If you want them to be more independent then it sort of depends on the problem they have triggering the depression. If its self image or bullying then its either talk to someone in your school (if you are at school) or try and get them to understand that we are all perfect in our own ways. At the end of the day we can only be who we are and if other people cant deal with it then it is their problem. If its other reasons like family problems, etc then im not sure what to suggest. Maybe similar to what ive already suggested - take time to yourself and try and relax yourself and not let it get to you. Through music or dancing or going out a bit more if you can..

Another alternative is just to give them a few pointers with different problems and just gradually withdraw your opinion. Or just turn round and be frank and say that currently you have alot going on at home that you dont want them to worry about so you'd like to try and keep conversations light and simple for the time being (or whatever).

Im sorry if this hasnt helped at all.. :s