I don't see the point anymore.

[georgiamay]

I don't understand it, I really don't. There's nothing wrong with my life, except me. I'm the problem. Everything bad that's happened has been a result of me and my mistakes for the most part. Sure, some things have happened in the past that weren't my fault, I had no control over them. But in the last few years, I've put my family and friends through a lot of pain, and it's all my fault. You can't argue with me, because it's true.

I can't explain how I feel on the whole. It's a weird feeling, but it's there, and I hate it.

I can't look in the mirror anymore without wanting to cry. Most of the time, I do cry. I try and avoid mirrors these days because they remind me of how much I hate myself. Not just how I look (which I'm also not pleased with), but me as a person. Whenever I look at myself, it reminds me what a horrible, selfish person I am.

Half of me wants to ask for help again. But you know what? I think I'm over reacting. I mean, maybe I am, but maybe I'm not. I don't want to get help again and waste their time when they could be helping someone that actually deserved to get help.

I don't know. I don't know what I want to do about anything anymore.

I don't think I have anything that can be "treated," I think I'm just generally fucked up, and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.
There's so much stuff I have to say, but I've gone on for long enough. And I don't know how to say it at all anyway.

How I've managed to not self harm for so long is beyond me.

[Jupiter]

I am so happy you aren't self harming :)

You know what, I felt the very same this summer. I just wanted to end it all, to smoke, to drink, to runaway. I wanted all these different things, until...

One of my friends told me this, and I quote, "Why? Why would you do these things. You are a great person, and all these things are gonna do is help you in the short term, and not a long term. I love you, but sometimes you can forget about the things that are most important, yourself."

The point is, you are, who you are! You have no way of changing it. I like to be different, to be honest. Being the same really takes away all the feeling.. the good feeling. Call me an attention whore, but... sometimes it's nice to be in the lime light.

If you ask me, I think you should ask for help. If you truly think something is wrong... well.. then you AREN'T over reacting. You are you're worst critic, in fact.

Yeah, everyone puts people through pain. Trust me... I put my mom through 12 and a half years. My brother.. HA! Let's just not start with that one. People screw up, but.. in the end, no one in your family truly hates you. You can never screw up to the point of no return. Please don't hurt yourself. We like you hear. c:

Stay strong, Georgia. And... I LOVE your name.

~Eric.

[Amaryllis]

Honey, do you truly think putting yourself through -more- hell and keeping this feeling of absolute misery makes your family and friends feel better? They just want you to be happy. They don't hate -you-, they just don't know what to do and it's getting too much for them to handle.

But it doesn't -have- to be this way. You can change. You can choose to be different. You don't have to be "fucked up" for the rest of your life. This isn't some written destiny you cannot escape from. -You- are in control of yourself. It'll take some time and effort but you can flip things around.

Acknowledge your feelings, accept that this is how you currently feel - then do everything you can to change that. Pretend you're a different person from this point forward. You're a blank slate - the past is the past and the you prior to this point is someone else. Let go of her and start over.