FuzzyLittleNightmare
December 1st, 2011, 05:17 PM
I don't know what I feel anymore...whether I am straight or bi or just nothing. I don't know if I'm even just imagining all of this because I'm so lonely...
Let me try and explain this in a way that might make sense to someone!
I've never been in a relationship...I guess I'm just not the kind of girl that people go for. And I've been pretending that I'm ok with that but I'm not, I'm lonely.
I have been kissed before, but only during a scene or games of spin the bottle with my drama group. And because of the male:female ratio there, I have kissed more girls than guys.
I never even gave a thought to being anything other than straight. My brother is exteremely homophobic and I was raised Christian. Although I have no problem with people of different sexual orientations, my family do. They say that in the bible it doesn't say that people being homosexual is wrong but that homosexual intercourse is...or something like that.
I guess I just....lately, I've been thinking that maybe the reason I've never had any guy want me, or even seem to be attracted to me, is perhaps because I'm not meant to be, with a guy....
I can honestly say that I have been attracted to girls, and imagine what it would be like to kiss them and stuff but I can't imagine having sex with a girl...
I've always felt comfortable and relaxed around guys but sort of shy and awkward around girls...
When I think about the future...I want a man...I want someone to hold me when I'm cold at night and to be the perfect wife for. I want to have kids and stuff....but maybe thats not meant to be my future
I really don't know...and this isn't something I can talk about with my family and I just don't know what to do...I'm scared. I'm already different enough that I have next to no friends....I don't think I can handle anything else...
Let me try and explain this in a way that might make sense to someone!
I've never been in a relationship...I guess I'm just not the kind of girl that people go for. And I've been pretending that I'm ok with that but I'm not, I'm lonely.
I have been kissed before, but only during a scene or games of spin the bottle with my drama group. And because of the male:female ratio there, I have kissed more girls than guys.
I never even gave a thought to being anything other than straight. My brother is exteremely homophobic and I was raised Christian. Although I have no problem with people of different sexual orientations, my family do. They say that in the bible it doesn't say that people being homosexual is wrong but that homosexual intercourse is...or something like that.
I guess I just....lately, I've been thinking that maybe the reason I've never had any guy want me, or even seem to be attracted to me, is perhaps because I'm not meant to be, with a guy....
I can honestly say that I have been attracted to girls, and imagine what it would be like to kiss them and stuff but I can't imagine having sex with a girl...
I've always felt comfortable and relaxed around guys but sort of shy and awkward around girls...
When I think about the future...I want a man...I want someone to hold me when I'm cold at night and to be the perfect wife for. I want to have kids and stuff....but maybe thats not meant to be my future
I really don't know...and this isn't something I can talk about with my family and I just don't know what to do...I'm scared. I'm already different enough that I have next to no friends....I don't think I can handle anything else...