What is hapening to me?

[Ryukuuzi]

1234

[Psychintraining]

I think what your going through is very common. A lot of people have feelings, or the lack thereof, at times that they least expect them. Sometimes we find death funny, or someone achieving a goal, discouraging. Our emotions are not definite or defined things, and when they crop up in our day to day is just as random.

I don't know you, and you mentioned thinking of yourself as always being a cold person. How do you describe your feelings toward your friends' successes and failures? In other break ups or past relationships how has your level of interest felt toward those individuals? How old are you?

It is not uncommon following rapid and traumatic events to go into shock. I am not an expert and cannot comment too clinically on shock as a symptom, but as I understand it, it would not be unheard of to experience feelings of withdrawal from people you are close to, feelings of alienation, isolation, and loneliness because of being in shock.

Again, I cannot stress enough these are not facts and my opinion is not based in clinical or professional experience.

I would give you two pieces of advice: Talk to an adult. Maybe someone you wouldn't expect, not a parent, or a sibling, but perhaps a teacher? or a therapist? You would be surprised, most adults, even in unlikely positions, want to help you out. I recently talked to my Biology teacher about a legal situation I was in, and she was very helpful. Secondly, don't beat yourself up. Let yourself feel how you need to feel, and don't give yourself emotional expectations.

Also, a third piece of advice, check out the book, When Children Grieve; I read it for pleasure, and to expand my knowledge, but found it invaluable in understanding misconceptions about grief, and a better approach to handling it. The reading style is simple, and easy to understand and it's the kind of book you can read in parts, meaning it's not a novel.

The best of luck. Keep your head up. Remember you deserve to, and that these feelings are less than what you are, but also that these feelings are valid, and justified.

[Vegito]

Everyone experiences death in a different way. Some belive it is a passing into a better place, some celebrate it, some belive that they come back and they get to see them again, and many more.

In your case, you are most likely in shock.

Although this might seem a bit hard, one of the best ways to get rid of this shock, is to do one of 2 things.

1) Just sit down and let your emotions flow. Focus on all the sad things in life, from death to the breakup, anthing and everything. Similar to a bad clog, the emotions might be able to burst open your flood gates and make you cry. Crying will relive your stress, and possibly releive your shock, try it. Although you might want to kill yourself for a little while before you cry, just keep thinking until you do cry.

2) Focus and let your emotions flow. Think of all the happy things, anything you can. Focus all of that, laughter, good times, love, and anything else, just focus on it, and let it chizzle its way through your shock. Although this might take a little while, and might not break through all the way for quite some time, it lets you not experience the sadness of th first step. Enjoyment is much better than sadness.

In all truth, doing the first one, then the second it probobly the best way, tthat way you get sad, then happy. Make sure that after that, you hang out with your friends, family, and all those people who can make you laugh when you dont even want to smile, they are the best at times.

I have had similar reactions in the past, it has to do with shock and your horomones.

Enjoy life when your done, start anew, maybe have a chat with your x gf, and one with your family. Explain whats been going on. And lastly, enjoy life!

[Amaryllis]

I looked my mother straight in the eye today and told her I didn't love her, didn't love anyone, didn't give much of a fuck and my father could die for all I cared as long as he left me in his will.

Point is, I think a part of me deep down inside knows I care but I choose not to, because were I to let myself feel, I'd drown in a world of pain. It's called desensitising. It's how we cope when the hurt is just too much. We convince ourselves of the void because this emotionless void is easier to cope with than the absolute misery.

You may appear to be cold but believe me, your emotions our still there. This is just a wall we build to protect ourselves. But sweetie, sooner or later something will break your dam down and the water will come rushing in, stronger than ever before.

We need to learn to cry, hurt and deal with our pain because it is only when we acknowledge the hurt and accept it - that we are able to move on.

[Ryukuuzi]

Thanks for the advice, I will try to just move on. It can't be that painfull