Fallen in love with someone I've never met..

[ClaudiaX]

I recently became friends with this guy on facebook. We talked a bit, and, after a few months, I fell in love with him. He's so sweet and nice, and a while after, he fell in love with me too. And it is love, I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep thinking about him too. And I'm pretty sure he loves me too. He tells me he does, and I trust him. And he's not a 50 year old paedofile or anything, we've skyped eachother so I know that. The only problem is, is that he lives in America and I like in the UK. So we're not gonna meet for a long time, if ever.

Has any one else been in a similar situation? Please share your thoughts on this with me. :P

PS. I didn't really know where to post this but I kinda only want girls to answer it. Feel free to move it if you want to.

[Psychintraining]

Hmm, I apologize because I am not a girl answering this but I have met a few people online and would like to comment.

Personally, I think online relationships are not as valid as personal ones. What I mean by this is there is an enormous aspect of virtual relationships, primarily virtual communication that is missing compared to a healthy real world relationship. Now I don't mean to dismiss your feelings in anyone, I definitely identify with the sensation of "falling in love with" or feeling strongly attracted to someone you have never even met in person.

My ex (we dated for a year and I consider her my first love) met online because she added me on Facebook. Granted we met up shortly after meeting, and didn't start dating till after we had met, but I "liked" her before meeting her. The reason I mention this is because I can relate to the feelings you go through; I texted her all the time, I thought about her, and I imagined us together.

As far as how healthy I think purely virtual, and in your case VERY long distant relationships are is I think it (despite it's inherent benefits, such as someone to talk with, a person to trust etc.) has many detrimental effects on the psyche. These effects might include false hope. The fact of the matter is you or your guy might move on and meet some in real life, a person that you or he can't compete with, a new level of a relationship to which you can't compare. This will only lead you to get hurt. Furthermore, without any physical aspect to the relationship, no kissing, or any form of intimacy it might damage future relationships, or make the potential "first meeting" that much more uncomfortable, to the point where the relationship won't function in a non-virtual way.

I have more thoughts on the matter, and these are only my preliminary musings, but it's definitely something I would think through and maybe talk to a counselor about; you don't want to be hurting yourself in the long run. Overall my advice would be to ask yourself a few questions such as:

1) What do you get out of the relationship?
2) What do you feel is lacking, or what do you wish you could have?
a) How realistically can those parts be established, and how critical are those parts to your happiness?
3) Do you feel as if you can make another person happy over such a geographically, cultural, and societal gap?
4) Is meeting up a potential option in the future? If so, how far in the future?
5) What restrictions, or ground rules do you want to establish for the relationship, if any?
6) Are you prepared for unexpected, or sudden changes virtual relationships can entail? For example, he can up and stop talking to you if he wanted to, how will you handle that?
7) Who can you talk to about this relationship? Do you have a support network in place, that is understanding of the relationship's special circumstance, because not everyone is.

Best of luck.

[ClaudiaX]

I know. It's hard for me. I wish we lived closer. We've already both agreed, that, if we want to move on, or do anything with anyone else, we can. I think it's hard for both of us, but I can't help loving him. Thanks for your help! :)

[Psychintraining]

It was my pleasure

[aubrin]

Well if by Skype you mean video chat and you can see heis not old old I guess it's okay but he could look older than he is and if he is over 18 it doesn't mean he is bad buthe could go to jail because it's illegal to be romatically involved a minor..... But good luck