I hate it, but I can't stop it.

[JournalDreamer]

I feel guilty everytime I eat something. I mess up or I binge and I try all i can to get rid of the guilt. i excercise til I Feel dizzy or try to purge it back up. I hate it but I can't stop...or I'm scared that I will stop. What have I become.

[ezbucketz]

I won't claim that I know a lot about eating disorders, but it saddens me that you feel this way. Whatever you are going through, you must keep in mind that you are a beautiful girl and you don't deserve to be hurting like this. Let me know if there is any way I can help. If you want to talk I am here.

[sliidz]

not really familiar with eating disorders but this seems more of a state of mind issue. possibly talk to a councilor or even your parents. temporary fix; possibly trying to let go of your feeling, relax several times a day clearing your mind. just try to think about other things because you are beautiful and should not feel this way. i really hope you feel better soon.

[portia]

Tell someone in the real world how you feel. If you are loosing weight they will have noticed and be worried but won't want to upset you or mess things up. The only way to get help is to ask for it. xxxx

[Amaryllis]

Remember your first day of school or kindergarten? Maybe you were a brave little girl who walked straight in or maybe you were like me. You step into class and you feel small and afraid - it's a new world and you just want to turn around and run right out. But you don't. Sooner or later you start being okay with school or you learn to at least cope with it.

The first steps of recovery are like the first few days of school. It's horrible but you can get through it. I suffered from a severe case of anorexia, orthorexia and compulsive overexercise. The guilt I would feel for eating a carrot!

I would freak out over that carrot - 17 calories over what I believed I should have consumed. I'd just do push-ups non-stop while whimpering because my body was in so much pain, I weighed less than I did when I was 8. I knew I was dying but death was better than becoming fat - or losing control.

I could count every rib, from the ones near my waist, to the ones under my non-existent breasts up to my collar bone. Every little bone in my hands and knees showed through. I didn't want to live that way, I didn't want to die like that, either.

Recovery was horrid, I'm not going to lie. Sitting down made me feel guilty. I never contemplated suicide though, I don't know why. Point is, I have boobs now - and an ass. I re-made my friends - not all, but some and that'd beat the complete loneliness I went through while I made myself disappear. I'm very much happier. Living doesn't physically hurt as much(however I'm still stuck with some permanent damage) and I'm not as mentally tormented as I was before.

I know recovery seems scary and impossible - but it really isn't. Alright, scary, yes. But the fear subsides in time. And you'll regain control of your life. Eating disorders aren't worth anything, there are much better ways to deal with your problems. Turn around before it's too late. Ask for help if you have to. It takes strength to reach out.

Good luck, angel. All the best.

[dylanstone17161]

[QUOTE=JournalDreamer;1520169]

i feel the same way.