sad.

[Jonni]

I don't know what's going on, but i'm not myself lately. I've been sleeping a LOT lately but I haven't been tired. All I ate yesterday was a bowl of oatmeal and an orange. Today I haven't ate, i've been getting 14+ hours asleep a night just because I don't want to be awake so I go to sleep early. 4, 5, 6, 7. Napping. I'm not seeing Michelle until after the holidays (therapist) but I don't really want to. I still don't think I need help. I want to cut. I like how it feels. I want to be happy, but I don't want help. Daddy taught me to be strong, right? I don't feel strong. I feel like i'm sorta the 'glue' to the family. If I crash, everyone will. Seriously, it's happened. And I don't look forward to the next day, minute, hour. I don't want to be around people.
I feel secluded, and I don't know how to deal with it or what to do.
I haven't cut in two something months. I don't wanna. But you know, that razor is still in my jewelry box. Michelle and my counselor at school and my step mom told me to get rid of it. And I did, but not all of them.
I don't wanna give up.
But i'm sad.