Grr.

[RAWWR]

So today in college I was low and was speaking to my tutor about it, she knows I SH and asked if I had blades on me, I decided to be honest and say yes, she asked if she could have them for the day, and give me them back when it was time to go home, so that I couldn't self harm while in college. I agreed to this as I trust her, but when it got to the end of the day she refused to give me my blades back because she can't let me self harm. Grr!
I'm so upset right now I just want to OD. I don't think i'd be so upset if she'd even just told me in the first place that I couln't have them back. I've been crying for half the day and just freaking out. I feel like I can't trust her anymore and like I need to go back into hiding how I really feel because bad things happen when i'm honest. I'm never gonna get better.

[Charlotte93]

That totaly sucks that she took them away but did you really think she would give them back, then she would just be enabling you to continue sh. I know it sucks that she did that but she was just trying to help, i think you should still trust her and it's ok if your low sometimes plus it soo helps to talk it out.

[RAWWR]

Yes, I did. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have, but this particular teacher knows exactly what I'm going through, as she's been there herself.

[Charlotte93]

so she knows where your coming from and i bet it was a tough thing for her not to give back the blades and think she probably whishes there was someone when she was sh to take away the blades.

[RAWWR]

She should know how it feels not to have them, the complete panicky feeling you get, and that it's usual to do something even more dangerous if you can't cut.

[Charlotte93]

ya i do agree with you there it's kindof conforting to have them on you so you know if you get into trouble than you have what you need and maybe she was kind of rushing you out of that mind proccess. do you think you still trust her

[RAWWR]

Exactly. I do actually. I don't want to, but I do.

[Charlotte93]

that's good cause even though she did that you still need someone close you can trust. What she did probably wasn't the best way of trying to help you but she ment well, she deserves your trust.

[RAWWR]

Yeah. She's away next week though and i'm kind of worried about that.

[Charlotte93]

ya well i geuss im always open to talk to, but it does suck that shes going away

[RAWWR]

Thanks :) Time zones are awkward for us though lol. I'm only able to talk to you because i'm being an insomniac.

[Charlotte93]

haha lol i know how that is the only reason my parints stoped makin me go to bed is cause i have trouble gettin to sleep it's 12 pm here and anytime

[RAWWR]

Aww, how old are you? My mum just lets me go to bed whenever I want too. It's nearly 5am here.

[Charlotte93]

haha ya even though my thing says im 15 im only 14 soposed to go to bed at 12 but u see how well thats workin out for me and wow 5am

[RAWWR]

Haha, I didn't even look at your age thing, i'm too tired to think lol. I'm 17 so my mum just leaves me to it, but it was 10pm until I left school -.-

[Charlotte93]

ya durring school mine is 11 since i cant sleep much anyway but they still think i need to have a "bed time" even though they don't really enforce it and ya everybody says i talk like a 25 year old so it's not like i even speek like a young person

[RAWWR]

Aww, I hated having a bedtime. Lol, I know, I can act so much older than 17. But I can also act like a 5 year old :P

[Charlotte93]

ya i definatly knowhow it is to act like a 5 year old:D

[RAWWR]

Haha. I'm hungry -.-

[Charlotte93]

lol i always get hungry when i stay up

[RAWWR]

Haha, well I didn't have any breakfast or lunch yesterday, and only a few mouthfuls of my dinner as I haven't been feeling too well.

[Charlotte93]

uggg that sucks i hate getting sick............

[RAWWR]

Yeah, it's horrible. Right, i'm gonna try and go to bed cause it's gone 5am and my brothers friends will be knocking on the door in half hour! Thanks for chatting to me, it was a good distraction. Night night.

[Charlotte93]

haha pm me anytime u were a good destraction too!