In a difficult position...

[jhv222]

This is going to be a long post, but I would really appreciate advice on the situation I am in.

I am a freshman in college and I am interested in a freshman girl who lives two buildings down from my dorm room. We have gotten along great and both like to spend time with each other. There is some flitting involved but not much. The reason for this is because she has a boyfriend, which seems to be a decent relationship (I haven't really heard her complain or praise it).

Her boyfriend is from the same high school, and they have had a relationship since a bit before prom. The boyfriend does not go to the same university because he goes to a Community college, but is still about a 25 min drive away.

I guess the advice that I'm looking for is...What should I do so that I can be in a position where I can have a possibility of going out with her if something happened with her boyfriend.

I don't want to break them up since I think thats a very cold thing to do to someone. Also if she were to get with me and cheat on him, then there would be nothing stopping her from doing the same thing to me.

I also am worried because I like hanging out with her, but don't want to be in the friends zone so that she just always looks at me as a friend even when single.

I realize that they may not break up for awhile and I am not trying to focus on just her, but she is the only girl that I have met so far that I'd be interested in a relationship with (though I'm keeping an open mind)

So ill restate my question again: What should I do so that I can be in a position where I can have a possibility of going out with her if something happened with her boyfriend.

Sorry if this is a bit hard to understand but I am just trying to get my idea out.

I would appreciate any advice on this situation.

Thanks,
Jason

[anonymous53]

Just be her friend. When they break up, give her a week or two to feel better. Be there for her.

[jhv222]

I don't know if I should tell one of her friends that I am into her because I know she kinda likes me. Like I said I'm not tryin to break her and her boyfriend up though. I like our friendship and don't want to risk loosing her as a friend.

[Mr. Awesome]

Im actually in pretty much the exact same situation as you atm.

So i realize where you are coming from and what your going through.

Personally i have told the girl how i feel and i still flirt a bit, even tho ive told her i dont want to be the reason they broke up, it confuses the hell out of me cos she knows i like her and shes told me she cant help but like me.

Its just confusing..... i dunno good luck, but ive found that having everything out in the open is easier, in my case anyway

[jhv222]

Im actually in pretty much the exact same situation as you atm.

So i realize where you are coming from and what your going through.

Personally i have told the girl how i feel and i still flirt a bit, even tho ive told her i dont want to be the reason they broke up, it confuses the hell out of me cos she knows i like her and shes told me she cant help but like me.

Its just confusing..... i dunno good luck, but ive found that having everything out in the open is easier, in my case anyway

Thanks for the advice, It really is a confusing position to be in and its annoying cause its on my mind. I think I'll be telling her soon, I am fairly sure she likes me but can't be certain.

I'm just angry I can't stop thinking about it and let it go. I just hope after I tell her it doesn't feel awkward and we still hang out like we used to.

Thanks again

[countrystyle]

Coming from a girl.
I would want you to tell me, but make it clear that you don't want to ruin the relationship I have now. But say you am going to support me on what ever my choices are.
Don't force it on her, just be like hey can I tell you something, then let it all out.
Hope this helps!
Goodluck hun!

[jhv222]

Coming from a girl.
I would want you to tell me, but make it clear that you don't want to ruin the relationship I have now. But say you am going to support me on what ever my choices are.
Don't force it on her, just be like hey can I tell you something, then let it all out.
Hope this helps!
Goodluck hun!

Thanks. This really did help me a lot. I am still nervous about telling her. As I have said I like hanging out with her. If she does like me as just a friend and I tell her, do you think we will hang out as often? Also do you have any advice for the wording I should use? Should I say that I love or jut tell her that I have been interested in her and then go on to explain how I don't want to intervene win their relationship.

[countrystyle]

Thanks. This really did help me a lot. I am still nervous about telling her. As I have said I like hanging out with her. If she does like me as just a friend and I tell her, do you think we will hang out as often? Also do you have any advice for the wording I should use? Should I say that I love or jut tell her that I have been interested in her and then go on to explain how I don't want to intervene win their relationship.

Yeah it's normal to be nervous don't worry about that just don't stall. And if you say that you like her, but make it clear that unless she feels the same then you will not let it effect your friendship because that is what means the most to you! Make sure you say that, that friendship is more important. Or you could say I know you porbably don't feel the same and I know you have a boyfriend. But I didn't want to be lying to you, i wanted you to know the truth, Please don't let this affect our friend ship, because that is what means the most to you. I hope. You could mention that you would rather her in your life as a friend then nothing at all. But most of all you want her happy.!!
I really hope this helps!
If you want you can pm me.

[jhv222]

Yeah it's normal to be nervous don't worry about that just don't stall. And if you say that you like her, but make it clear that unless she feels the same then you will not let it effect your friendship because that is what means the most to you! Make sure you say that, that friendship is more important. Or you could say I know you porbably don't feel the same and I know you have a boyfriend. But I didn't want to be lying to you, i wanted you to know the truth, Please don't let this affect our friend ship, because that is what means the most to you. I hope. You could mention that you would rather her in your life as a friend then nothing at all. But most of all you want her happy.!!
I really hope this helps!
If you want you can pm me.

I tried to PM you but it said i had to have 101 posts before I could send it.

But anyways thanks for your help on this thing about this situation. Its really driving me crazy haha.

I feel like I may tell her within the next two weeks (since I'm on vacation right now and would rather do it in person) but Im worried that if she does like me, which i kinda get the feeling she does, or at least i know she definitely used to in the past week, that it could create some unwanted drama since it could leave her confused about what to do.

[countrystyle]

I tried to PM you but it said i had to have 101 posts before I could send it.

But anyways thanks for your help on this thing about this situation. Its really driving me crazy haha.

I feel like I may tell her within the next two weeks (since I'm on vacation right now and would rather do it in person) but Im worried that if she does like me, which i kinda get the feeling she does, or at least i know she definitely used to in the past week, that it could create some unwanted drama since it could leave her confused about what to do.

oh haha my bad. Didn't know that. =/ um I have msn if you want lmao doesnt matter, you sound like your set!

Well yes deff do it in person. Or else it doesnt feel right.
and honest she might get confused but she will figure it out
and you have to support her no matter what though.
As long as you are both mature about it, it should be okay..
Really hope it works out for you!
Just remember you want her happy first!

[jhv222]

oh haha my bad. Didn't know that. =/ um I have msn if you want lmao doesnt matter, you sound like your set!

Well yes deff do it in person. Or else it doesnt feel right.
and honest she might get confused but she will figure it out
and you have to support her no matter what though.
As long as you are both mature about it, it should be okay..
Really hope it works out for you!
Just remember you want her happy first!

Thanks for the help! Im feeling much better about the situation and just have to play the waiting game, still on vacation for awhile lol. But I definitely feel a lot more confident and don't think it will be too hard telling her.

I definitely appreciate all the help!

[countrystyle]

No problem!
As long as you are confident it should all go well! (:
Good luck hun.

[Tamia]

I think you should kinda tell her how you feel without actually telling her. And just be a friend. When and if they break up, you will be a shoulder for her to lean which I guess is a good thing :)