Other people have it worse than you

[Megson]

I HATE IT when people use that card. "You shouldn't be complaining. Kids in Africa are staving. Stop taking what you have for granted."

My mother told me, "I should put you in an orphanage so you'll see what REAL suffering is."

So, my pain doesn't mean anything because it isn't 'as bad' as someone else's? So, I should just 'suck it up' and deal with it? I'm taking what I have for granted?

I hate when she does this. She treats me like I'm being some sort of drama queen when she has no idea how I feel. And it just makes me hate myself more for wanting to cut, since other people DO have it so much worse.

[georgiamay]

When I saw the title, I was like, "oh god, here we go, another self harm bashing thread." But now I realise it's not. :P

The thing is, I am greatful that I'm not a starving kid in africa, I'm greatful that I don't have cancer, and I'm greatful that I don't have some kind of deformity. People don't realise that just because you self harm it doesn't automatically mean you're ungreatful. Mental health is just as important and just as valid and physical health. Just because you're not dying, it doesn't mean you're not suffering at all.

Just because a mental illness can't kill you, it doesn't mean it can't take over your life and make you wish it did kill you.

Most people with a mental health problem are greatful that they aren't dying in africa, but the people that are saying "you're ungreatful because you're depressed and self harm," really should be greatful that they don't have a mental health problem.

[Fiction]

At the end of the day, there is ALWAYS going to be someone who has it worse than you, and even then, how can you measure it?

It annoys me when people use that too. There are very few people who understand depression, and saying things like that doesn't help it only adds to depression. I know I feel guilty for feeling how I do.

Just ignore her. She obviously doesn't understand what you are going through and you know that, so don't let it get to you. There are plenty of people in the world who do understand. :)

[Cloud]

My mother told me, "I should put you in an orphanage so you'll see what REAL suffering is."



So, my pain doesn't mean anything because it isn't 'as bad' as someone else's? So, I should just 'suck it up' and deal with it? I'm taking what I have for granted?
want to know this wonderful thing that helps relieve yourself of pain? find someone who is worse off than you. oh your mothers already highlighted some of those for you how nice of her.
how about instead of focusing on why your life may suck or why your suffering or whatever is wrong.
Try focusing on them and on helping them, not because they have it worse off, but because if you can actually do something for them by putting your effort into helping them rather than into making yourself feeling worse and dwelling on what is wrong for you, it will help you out and help lessen your personal pain.

I hate when she does this. She treats me like I'm being some sort of drama queen when she has no idea how I feel. And it just makes me hate myself more for wanting to cut, since other people DO have it so much worse.
maybe shes not doing it to make you feel bad, but as a wake up call? maybe shes doing it so you can realise your not the only one whos having a shit time with life? And that shes trying to take your mind of your own personal problems?

At the end of the day, there is ALWAYS going to be someone who has it worse than you, and even then, how can you measure it?
you cant, but in every situation there will always be someone worse off

you can walk 25 miles easier if your looking after someone than you can if you are on your own

It annoys me when people use that too. There are very few people who understand depression, and saying things like that doesn't help it only adds to depression. I know I feel guilty for feeling how I do.
and there are also a lot of people who doubt others knowledge on the topic, this isnt a dig at any one in particular but just because at first glance they might not seem to know alot they can offer a pretty dam good insight for you.

[StoppingTime]

I agree, this statement can be used in ridiculous ways. Yes, its true, there are people who have it worse than us. But that is on a entirely different scale. We have no idea how we could ever be put in their situation, and that's OK. It is obviously OK not to think of yourself as the most selfless person on the planet. Saying those things make no sense to me. If someone is suffering, it is on their own scale. It doesn't matter how badly others have it, its your life, and its about how you deal with it. Don't listen to this. It makes no sense on the grand scale. Of course you aren't taking things out of proportion. You have had to go through everything, and expect to make it out unharmed on the other side. So really, there is no real way to say how much worse others have it then you. Its just all about your situation. Taking things out of context like that does not prove anything.

Don't feel about anything, or how you are feeling. You will beat this. :)

~StoppingTime/Steven

[dontcare97]

What I get upset about is that the same people will say "Suck it up, kids are starving in Africa" but they will go on and on about how unfair life is because their parents took away their iPhones or school sucks because they make you learn and do stuff. Kids all over the world wish they could get a chance at an American education and many certainly don't have iPhones.. They are such hypocrites! That what makes me the maddest. They will sit and bitch, not jokingly either, about how they get and areopastle jacket or can't go to the mall or hang out with friends.

"Omg!! forgot my lip gloss and Jake totally loves Karen, fml!!!!" but the mintue you say you cut, that same person will turn around and talk about how others have it worst. Do you help make it better? do you send money to "Africa" or help out the homeless or do you track you stupid music idol's every move and twit about the new twilight movie?

Basically, people need to think and look at themselves before the criticize me.

[StoppingTime]

What I get upset about is that the same people will say "Suck it up, kids are starving in Africa" but they will go on and on about how unfair life is because their parents took away their iPhones or school sucks because they make you learn and do stuff. Kids all over the world wish they could get a chance at an American education and many certainly don't have iPhones.. They are such hypocrites! That what makes me the maddest. They will sit and bitch, not jokingly either, about how they get and areopastle jacket or can't go to the mall or hang out with friends.

"Omg!! forgot my lip gloss and Jake totally loves Karen, fml!!!!" but the mintue you say you cut, that same person will turn around and talk about how others have it worst. Do you help make it better? do you send money to "Africa" or help out the homeless or do you track you stupid music idol's every move and twit about the new twilight movie?

Basically, people need to think and look at themselves before the criticize me.

Don't think I could have said it better myself. There are times when this phrase is quite true, and I really can't believe it at times. But yea, once you say you cut, then others make you feel bad.

[jacknife]

The saying might be true, but its altogether ridiculous because it asks people to fight all their natural instincts in order to see their life in comparison to people on the other side of the world whom they have no personal connection to.

Suffering is valuable because it belongs to an individual. It is valued by that person, subjectively, and that is what makes it important - not how it ranks on some objective world-wide scale.

Some people go through worse atrocities than others, and we might all be able to sit around and recognize that as true - and even agree sometimes on which experiences are indeed "worse" than others; but in no way is that a convincing enough argument for most individuals to abandon their own interests, feelings, and emotions. It just does not work that way.

There are generations of evolution at work here. Humans are social creatures, yes; but we are overwhelmingly local ones too. Which is why the kind of people who sacrifice themselves to go live in Africa and take care of the starving are indeed rare breeds.

So, I understand what your mom is trying to say, but if you really wanted you could ask her, "If these starving Africans are so important to you, why don't you go help them?" That won't shut her up, but it'll get her rambling incoherently. The truth is that her life is very important to her, and she - for very good, rational reasons, mind you - would only sacrifice part of her life or time or money for people that are close to her emotionally (like you, for example). I guarantee starving Africans are not on that list, as much as she might like to think otherwise.

Having said all that, it sounds to me like she is really just trying to help. Take what she says with a grain of salt, but do try to understand what I imagine to be her primary point: find the good in your life and embrace it. For whatever it's worth, in the grand scheme of things, most of us here live rather privileged lifestyles. I know that does not mean much emotionally, but on a rational level it might help your provide context to your own suffering so you can live with it more effectively.

[AlmostHomeless]

Wow my mom pulled this one on me just yesterday. She doesn't understand at all.

[Amaryllis]

Sweetheart, whatever anyone says, don't take it to heart. Your pain is your pain. Everyone needs to understand that. It doesn't matter if someone else has a "worse" life compared to yours, because no matter what, you're going to hurt. Taking that "right" to feel what you do from yourself will only make it worse.

Society can take away your house, your friends, your blades, family, journal, room, but no one. -No one- can take away your feelings. No one can change them, they can't force you to feel a certain way. You can -act- different from what you feel but regardless of whatever, you will still feel the way you do.

So what if someone's been raped? What if someone else is starving right this minute? Fact is, -you still feel like crap-. Understood, be grateful for what you have. But don't tell yourself you shouldn't feel like shit because your life is better than someone else's because your life is all you truly know.

You can empathise, of course. But no matter what you do, you will never fit anyone else's shoes perfectly because we all have our own special pairs of shoes in life, none of which are exactly the same. All you will ever feel are the blisters on your own feet, you will never have the feet and scratches of anyone else.

Let yourself cry and whine. Tell yourself "I feel like shit." Scream. You have every right to. After you've accepted your situation, breathe and let it go. You don't want to feel like this forever.

The road ahead may seem difficult and long, but you can do it. Your feet hurt right now but one day, when you're far off in the horizon, you'll look back and wish you'd treasured your shoes, no matter how wrecked they were. Don't look at anyone else's feet, perhaps glance at your own from time to time. But careful, don't trip. Sometimes we look so closely at our footsteps, we forget to see what's ahead. So chin up, look forwards and keep going.

[ryantombs]

basically i feel that you cant gauge other people... ok i cant handle a bad break up i get depressed and cry and started my self harm but i might be able to handle a bad grade but another kid will break down like its the end of the world but not care if he breaks up with his gf like you cant say shit unless you were the person... i feel thats one positive thing i really got out of self harm judging people and their problems.

[xxbunkxx]

my life sucks but i just get over it ;/

[Blue63]

Everything that has been said above is completely accurate! I'm going to offer you a quote that I think of when I hear something like that. Though I don't know the exact origin of the quote, I can tell you that it is of Buddhist ideology.

"Suffering is not comparable, it is philosophical truth."