blaaaahblah
November 20th, 2011, 12:37 AM
So....about a month ago my grandma had to go to the hospital because she fell and got really hurt (they think she was high on her meds) and my mom decided that she needs to move back up here so that she will be closer incase something like this happened again. She got much better and my mom had found an apartment for her. Well she came home from the hospital (I didn't go visit her at the hospital) and she was staying with us until she could move into the apartment. We hung out and ate dinner and I was content. Then she had a stroke and had to go back to the hospital. I never went to see her and I felt so bad. She was moved to a nursing home in hospice (spelling) about 1-2 weeks ago and I still hadn't visited her because my mother told me that she is hallucinating a lot and looks very sick so I never wanted to visit her. (I know it sounds bad but I was scared to see her, I guess I wanted to keep that last memory of her being well in my mind..idk) but anyway, my mom told me that she wanted to see me so I went to visit her today with my family. And when my mom told her I was here she looked at me and got very excited. I felt horrible. I wanted to burst into tears but I didn't. I was being so selfish to not see her and it broke my heart. I hated seeing her that way and I feel so bad that I waited until now to see her. I've never really had to deal with death so I'm just scared. I feel really depressed and I don't know what to do...