Meh. this wasn't supposed to happen.

[alley]

So I was really onto something, quitting, I mean. I was doing really well. I had nearly reached a three weeks, which is a personal best..
there had been several times in those three weeks where i had wanted too, desperatley. But had resisted the urges. And it was hard. But I really thought I was getting somewhere.

Anyway, about 2months ago, my dad, finally decided not to ignore my sh any longer (after ignoring my sh for over a year after i'd seeked help from him) and he said i should see a councilor, and i relunctantly agreed. I mean, i'd begged for help, and for a year, he'd ignored me. and he finally was giving me some. (my mum has never cared, and has always ignored it/yelled at me for it). so, i was kinda pleased he was showing some care. we organised it through the school, with the councilor there. however, i was put on a waiting list thing, because they kept forgetting to book my appointments, and apparently, i wasn't a high enough priority.
i was waiting nearly 2 months, until my form tutor at school finally came up to me and said i could go and see them next week. i don't even know why i had to wait so long.
then, later that day, a girl came up to me who i don't know, i mean i know of her, but don't know her. and she goes 'do you self harm?' I immediatley denied it, and was like 'where did you hear that?' and apparently the councilor had told her i did. because the councilor had been recieving emails from my tutor explaining the situation. and she'd gone and told some randomer, i dont even know why.
so anyway, i ent going to the councilor anymore. i didnt realise they could tell other people your problems. but im not going to reveal anymore to them, even though i havent even met them. what if they tell others more stuff..:s
3 weeks leading up to this, i hadnt cut at all.
after hearing this of the girl, i have cut both friday and saturday..
partly because my darkest, secret, what i'm most ashamed of, now some random girl i dont know knows. what if she tells people?
im so scared. why did the councilor do this.??
i'm not trusting anyone anymore. and this has successfully put me off counciling.

and in the process, ive let down my family, friends, and boyfriend. as if they weren't upset and cross at me enough as it is.

[jacknife]

Well first of all anything you say to a councilor is supposed to be confidential. It works different ways in different places, and they can tell your parents or the authorities certain things depending on if you are suicidal or have thoughts of hurting other people, etc. But under no circumstances should a councilor be telling other students your personal information. So that is just really bad on her part.

It might not be all negative though. Maybe the girl who asked you is also a cutter? Maybe that's why the councilor told her (still does not excuse the councilor's behavior, mind you). Maybe you could seek this girl out and talk to her?

Humans are really bad at keeping secrets. No one can keep secrets for ever, and keeping secrets is, in-and-of-itself, very unhealthy. Secrets ruin relationships, friendships, personal lives, etc. I understand you do not want everyone finding out, because it can be embarrassing, but it might not turn out as bad as you think. High school kids can be especially intolerant and ignorant, and that is unfortunate; but if your secret does get out, it might lead you to find some new friends who share the same secret you do.

Just a thought. Stay positive. If you need to talk, let me know.

[georgiamay]

It should be confindential, the councillor had no right to do that at all. Things like this make me really angry. How do they expect you to open up to them if they just tell people?

Anyways, I still think you should go and see them. Maybe ask her why she told this girl? Confront her about it, and tell her that you don't think it was appropriate, and that you want it to be confidential.

If the counciller doesn't work out, you need to find someone to talk to. I mean, talking to a professional, or someone who knows what they're talking about would be best, but everyone needs to talk to someone. Does anyone know about your self harm that you feel comfortable talking to? Maybe a friend, or your boyfriend? If you can't see a professional, a sympathetic ear is the next best thing.

Good luck, and please don't give up just yet. :hug:

[alley]

thankyou for the replies guys ^^

yeah, it was pretty maddening. i don't know how they can possible employ people like that..but still. I will have to carry on..

and no, i spoke to this girl. she doesn't. she was using me as an example of someone who goes there. makes me mad..
and i'm looking at going elsewhere, sort this out some other way.

[jacknife]

and no, i spoke to this girl. she doesn't. she was using me as an example of someone who goes there. makes me mad..
Well jeez, that's terrible. I don't know what kind of councilor would do something like this, but obviously not a very good one.

It might not be worth the potential drama of confronting her and/or telling someone above her what she did; but you still might consider doing that. A councilor who cannot be trusted is worth nothing and should not be providing help to students.

Glad to see you're doing alright on the whole, though!