End of my rope

[JackShephard]

For some reason, I feel like everything I should have been feeling in the past couple months is finally coming out. And all I feel is only what can be described as a sense of hopelessness. Like there is no point in anything. Nothing holds meaning. What I am getting to is that I cut again. 3 deep on my forearm, and 2 more on my upper arm. And it's been a long time since I have done that before. Months. And I keep thinking "what does it matter if I die?" you know. Destructive thoughts. I am pretty confident that I wouldn't act on them. But I keep thinking about an easy way out. And that disturbs me.

I don't want to go want very much detail, but lately, I have been bouncing from couch to couch. And I feel like I don't have a place and never will. I feel like I have been left behind by my own mother as she chooses her abusive boyfriend over me. And maybe that sounds selfish. But I don't care. I left because I couldn't take it. I hated watching him hurt my mom, and hurt me. I was a "wedge" as he calls me, driving them apart. But it sounds like they fight a lot less since I've been gone. It was also the recent anniversary of my brothers death so that's not helping a whole lot. Christmas and thanksgiving (if I am having one) looks like its not going to be so joyous. What can I do? Telling me to "see the bright side" doesn't sound very solid but u can give it a try. I need to get out of this slump.

[Amaryllis]

Sweetie, it's alright to feel like poo once in a while. Allow yourself to feel that pain. Cry. It's perfectly fine. No one has a "perfect" life and you're dealing with it quite well if you're still alive.

Domestic violence takes a toll on our minds. Especially when we're so young. I grew up with a mother who scolded and beat me everyday and every time my father visited, they'd fight. It really does turn you into a bitter person.

You've gone through so much, Seth. No one should have to go through what you did but you did go through it and you're still going through it. You survived and you're surviving. That says a lot about how strong you are.

Cutting really doesn't help anything. I haven't cut in... 4 days now. The emotions are hitting me harder, sure. But I felt like shit even when I -did- cut. Do you feel happy, sweetie? You cut and maybe that gave you some release. But are you happy? The pain will come back. Cutting will only make you feel better for a second.

Death isn't much of an option either, honey. Not when you could make something out of your life.

All you can do is learn to accept your situation. Okay, your life's shit. You feel like shit and you want to fucking die. Cry and scream for a bit. Then accept it and move on. You might never be able to change your situation but you can choose to change yourself and how you react to your situation. Learn how to cope without having to cut. Because that isn't coping. It's creating more pain for yourself.

[Antagonist]

Its okay, I know how you feel. I promise everything will be okay. Im sure that if you do leave this world, someone will miss you, cry because your gone.

Talk to the police about your moms bf. He isnt right. After hes gone, no more abuse.