Seeking Happiness
November 15th, 2011, 08:53 PM
Well right now I am in my last year of school. This is wonderful for me, because I get to leave the town I live in. This town is devistating, I am surrounded by people who make me feel hurt and cry, and I am always being labeled as someone who I am not. Where I live, you have to get at least and 80% average and then you can go to university. If not you will have to take another grade ahead. So far I am not too satisfied with my marks and my teachers say that my marks are good. However they have no idea of the fact that I am trying to run away from the town so I can be free of my pain. Last year my marks weren't so great because I was really depressed and could not focus well enough on school. I had way too much on my shoulders and school was the least of my worries. I even wanted to drop out so I can just leave everything and move on with my life. Now that my marks aren't that great, I can't just tell my teachers that I want to get high marks just so I can leave. It's not the right thing to do. I even want to get out of this country because I was forced to come over here. My family cannot leave because it is their job to stay here and would prefer if I stayed close for university (not in the same town, but in a nearby city that is nice). But I can't. It's too much pain for me, becuase it is not where I belong, since I was forced ot come here. I used to cry all the time because of all this pain and now I self harm (I even hid a knife in my room one time so no one could see it).
Now I don't know what to do with my future. Should I go to college here, a different country, or should I take another grade here? I would really like to graduate early so I can just LEAVE to another country, but that can't happen with the current grades I'm getting. I can't just tell my teachers or parents that the only reason why I want to go to university in a different county is just for me to get away from all my pain and to be free. It will disappoint them and they might take it the wrong way. Becuase of this, I am STUCK. I don't know what to do next. I won't ask teachers to raise my marks so I can get out and I can't tell my parents I want to leave them just so I can avoid all my pain. I ony have one year left, time is running out, and I don't know what to do. If I don't get high marks I will not be able to graduate and head off to university and will have to stay in the same town so I can take another grade instead of university.
What should I do? I really wan to tell them, but I jus can't! T_T
Thanks for your help.
Now I don't know what to do with my future. Should I go to college here, a different country, or should I take another grade here? I would really like to graduate early so I can just LEAVE to another country, but that can't happen with the current grades I'm getting. I can't just tell my teachers or parents that the only reason why I want to go to university in a different county is just for me to get away from all my pain and to be free. It will disappoint them and they might take it the wrong way. Becuase of this, I am STUCK. I don't know what to do next. I won't ask teachers to raise my marks so I can get out and I can't tell my parents I want to leave them just so I can avoid all my pain. I ony have one year left, time is running out, and I don't know what to do. If I don't get high marks I will not be able to graduate and head off to university and will have to stay in the same town so I can take another grade instead of university.
What should I do? I really wan to tell them, but I jus can't! T_T
Thanks for your help.