Seeking Happiness
November 14th, 2011, 11:50 PM
Alright, this has been taking place for a few years. People have limited my freedom since they have been making decisions for me all this time. This is how it went.
A few years ago I moved to a specific country (my country of origin). Unforunately, I did not like it at all. Many of the people I saw there were ignorant and not open to reality, I got the worst behavior from people in school directed towards me, and I did not like the nature of the country at all.
Now this is a small country in the middle of nowhere, of course people there will not be open minded towards the rest of the world. Also in school I used to be made fun of because I came from another country (US) and thought they were better than me. All this time I wish I could have returned to the US because that's where I felt happier. I understood everything about the US, because that is where I lived most of my life. The school system there was completely different from the school system in the US, actually a lot worse! It is super strict. You have to wear a uniform they give you (from an unbiased point of view, they were verrrry ugly), and the education there is very tough. Pretty much because you have to memorize (not study=the tests were designed for memorization) a whooole lot of chapters for 1 test (they crammed everything together). As soon as you get the test, you notice that about 30=40% actually covers what you were taught in class. Clearly I would fail in this case because I never learned anything on the test! After that, the teachers would say in front of everyone in class: oh why did you fail???, which therefore led to the majority of the class to think I was stupid, when in reality, I KNOW i am not! It was horrible! Trust me. In addition the nature of the country is sickning. No trees, no grass, no aligned roads, none of that! Everyday I look out the window I feel disgusted, since the view is deadly. Now this only took place within only 1 year. I was thinking that after that, I would move back to the US and resume to my normal life once again. But that's not what happened. I ended up in another country and they speak another language in which I don't understand. School systems are a bit different from the US, and I am still very confused here, because I'm an alien to it. I've never lived in this place before. I don't like the place I'm living at all. It is confusing here for me and yet people do not understand me. People never understood me in fact. All they say that iti is a wonderful oppertunity to be here and to have been to my country of origin. After going to that country, I could not feel any connection whatsoever with the people there (even though that's where my parents are from). Since I grew up far away from it for the majority of my life, I obviously would not feel safe and relaxed there. People keep on saying: ohhh that is your homeland, you must respect it! but why should it be considered as my homeland if I did not like it or fit in there at all?! People always tell me these things and it annoys me. I am fed up with that country and don't want to thing of it ever again, even though people around me always talk about it. I really wanted my life to return back to normal, but apparently it couldn't. People say that this is a great thing to happen, but I don't see anything nice about it. I haven't lived in a place in which I feel safe in for a long time. I am still in school now. I was hoping that after school, I would return to the US now and start a good life. But people have other plans now. They want me to go to college HERE instead and to graduate after 4 years from starting. This is sickning! I tell them that I don't want to be here because I don't feel safe, and they say: you're so negative, you always see the bad side of things, i wish i had this oppertunity if i were you. Now the university they suggested is great for what I want to study, but is the location great for where I want to be?
People making my decisions and not giving me a chance to decide, when will this end??
T__T
A few years ago I moved to a specific country (my country of origin). Unforunately, I did not like it at all. Many of the people I saw there were ignorant and not open to reality, I got the worst behavior from people in school directed towards me, and I did not like the nature of the country at all.
Now this is a small country in the middle of nowhere, of course people there will not be open minded towards the rest of the world. Also in school I used to be made fun of because I came from another country (US) and thought they were better than me. All this time I wish I could have returned to the US because that's where I felt happier. I understood everything about the US, because that is where I lived most of my life. The school system there was completely different from the school system in the US, actually a lot worse! It is super strict. You have to wear a uniform they give you (from an unbiased point of view, they were verrrry ugly), and the education there is very tough. Pretty much because you have to memorize (not study=the tests were designed for memorization) a whooole lot of chapters for 1 test (they crammed everything together). As soon as you get the test, you notice that about 30=40% actually covers what you were taught in class. Clearly I would fail in this case because I never learned anything on the test! After that, the teachers would say in front of everyone in class: oh why did you fail???, which therefore led to the majority of the class to think I was stupid, when in reality, I KNOW i am not! It was horrible! Trust me. In addition the nature of the country is sickning. No trees, no grass, no aligned roads, none of that! Everyday I look out the window I feel disgusted, since the view is deadly. Now this only took place within only 1 year. I was thinking that after that, I would move back to the US and resume to my normal life once again. But that's not what happened. I ended up in another country and they speak another language in which I don't understand. School systems are a bit different from the US, and I am still very confused here, because I'm an alien to it. I've never lived in this place before. I don't like the place I'm living at all. It is confusing here for me and yet people do not understand me. People never understood me in fact. All they say that iti is a wonderful oppertunity to be here and to have been to my country of origin. After going to that country, I could not feel any connection whatsoever with the people there (even though that's where my parents are from). Since I grew up far away from it for the majority of my life, I obviously would not feel safe and relaxed there. People keep on saying: ohhh that is your homeland, you must respect it! but why should it be considered as my homeland if I did not like it or fit in there at all?! People always tell me these things and it annoys me. I am fed up with that country and don't want to thing of it ever again, even though people around me always talk about it. I really wanted my life to return back to normal, but apparently it couldn't. People say that this is a great thing to happen, but I don't see anything nice about it. I haven't lived in a place in which I feel safe in for a long time. I am still in school now. I was hoping that after school, I would return to the US now and start a good life. But people have other plans now. They want me to go to college HERE instead and to graduate after 4 years from starting. This is sickning! I tell them that I don't want to be here because I don't feel safe, and they say: you're so negative, you always see the bad side of things, i wish i had this oppertunity if i were you. Now the university they suggested is great for what I want to study, but is the location great for where I want to be?
People making my decisions and not giving me a chance to decide, when will this end??
T__T