Eating Problem

[Alexis goes Rawr]

it seems that over that past ...... 3-4 years food and i hav had some issues with eachother, mainly the weight the food causes me to gain.

I say eating problem because nothing, bad bad has happened yet, im no where near stick thin, on a good day i weight 138 nd im just barely 5'2.

I seem to hardly eat i never have any appetite, even when you can hear my stomach grumbling i still dont *feel* hungry.

But in the past three or so months i've seriously cut back on my food consumption, my upper stomach almost always feels like i hav cramps from being hungry but im not hungry and the thought of food makes me feel sick i have trouble swallowing it.

I don't eat breakfast, i have a propel and half a soft pretzel everyday at lunch and even though i make dinner every night i dont touch it, i dont want any and wen my mom makes me eat, i take a shower right after swallow a bit of water while im in the shower bend over a bit and everything i ate just pours right out of me. If i dont do that, throw up, i feel sick for the next couple days.....
Im really not sure what i should do im not really losing any weight, i check every morning on the scale we have in the bathroom, but i know this isnt really normal and i should want to eat, but i dont and i never feel like i want to eat.....


Im not sure whats wrong with me :/ and i have more issues then i need already so this just complicates everything more

[Amaryllis]

I know you're really afraid of getting fat right now. Or maybe you already think you are(Which you are definitely not!) But sweetheart, [-]I know I'm a broken record,[/-] skinny isn't worth the consequences.

I genuinely wasn't trying to be stick thin when I went on a drastic diet and exercised like my life depended on it. But next thing I knew I was standing on the scale at the doctor's office crying. It read 63lbs.

And when you've gone that far. It's so hard to turn back. I still kept dropping till I had to be put on a drip. My mother finally decided to get me help then. Not that the help actually helped. I was the first eating disorder patient the professionals had treated(I don't exactly live in the richest, most developed country) You're different, though. You need help, sweetheart. It's much easier to stop now. When you become severely underweight, you actually end up -wanting- to lose more.

The human perception of beauty is pretty warped. Would you think of the sun as fat and ugly? Is a skinny tree more beautiful than a strong, big, sturdy tree? Is a thin bacteria better looking than a wide one?

Why do you want to be skinny or what you believe to be beautiful? To make people love you more? Admire you? Believe me, I dropped to 50lbs and I lost all my friends. No one gave a damn about me. Well, I'm sure they did. But I was a walking black hole by then and they didn't want to get sucked in. Neither did they know what to do.

I put on all the weight I lost and more now. No, I won't lie, I'm still far from loving myself. But I'm so much more loved. I actually have a life now. It isn't as good as before my eating disorders(they really do destroy your motivation to do anything) but it still is better than when I was semi-starving myself.

I was so skinny, I was in pain every single day. I could feel myself dying. It was horrible. My point is, people who don't know you so well may just see what you are on the outside, but, once they get to know you that will change. Would you rather have a bunch of people who look at you and go "Oh yeah. She's skinny." or the select few who stand by you everyday, love and care for you and believe that you are an amazing, wonderful person inside?

I don't know about you but I choose the latter. Outer beauty only gets you so far in life. It's only skin deep. Inner beauty is what people will see in the end and that's what makes them stay when you're 70 and old.

Do you really want to live like this forever, honey? There's so much more you could do with your life. You deserve better. Have the courage to ask for help and the strength to get through it and never turn back.

[teendanica]

I agree. I guess its all about you.. Please, don''t be too rude to yourself. Whatever you look, whatever you do, then they don't fucking care. There are people around you that loves you for who you are, so don't waste your time thinking about what others think about you.