I'm too scared.

[Jupiter]

I believe I am depressed, but I am too scared to find out if I honestly am or aren't. I wish I could just quit being just such a pansie.

To myself..... Grow up, Eric. Move on. She's over you, you can do the same.

Yeah, make a playlist of sad songs. That's smart. You think it'll make you feel better? You idiot. Shut the hell up. You can't say anything. You are just a sissy boy who will never have a family..

[Veon]

Mind if I ask, are you insulting yourself?

[Jupiter]

Yeah, I'll fix this to make it obvious.

[Veon]

Ah, okay.
As I interpret this, you are afraid of a secret (not necessarily a secret) that you are trying to move on from. This says you have no confidence in yourself. Music is only for people who understand it.

And you think you won't have kids in the future :D

Am I correct?

[Jupiter]

Well, if I keep all this drama in my life, no one will want to marry me, and I will adopt. :/

[Veon]

Are you lingering over a girl?
There are plenty of them out there. You should move on if she did. Life isn't always about other people, its about -you-.
Can I guess that, its in your nature to be quiet and shy? You don't speak up much? Not very talkative?

[Amaryllis]

Eric, sweetheart. You're a young, bright boy. You've tried so hard to help so many people and I'm sure they appreciate it very much.

To be completely honest, knowing you're depressed and not knowing you are doesn't make much of a difference. You feel the way you feel. You don't have to be clinically diagnosed. What difference does it make if you are? Psychologists, hypnotherapists and psychiatrists can sit there over and over telling me the same thing, that I have OCD, an anxiety disorder. dysmorphia, anorexia, orthorexia, bipolar, dissociative identity etc etc. But really, what does it matter? My mother won't let me take the medication to help me, anyway.

And if you're honest with yourself, would yours?

Many people seem to think seeing a psychologist or a counsellor fixes everything. It isn't true. No one can fix your problems for you. They can't promise to make it better. I've been to 8 and I still haven't gotten any help from any of them. I got through my eating disorders on my own.

People can push you forward, point you in the right direction, but they can't walk this entire journey for you. Sure, you may not have your family and yes, it's so, so hard growing up on your own. It's horrible having to pick up the pieces your parents leave behind each time they fight or tell you you're worthless.

It's difficult losing someone you love. Especially when you someone you believed loved you back. But life is about falling and picking yourself back up. You'll lose friends and girlfriends, gain, find. It's difficult at first and it doesn't necessarily get easier to cope with.

People come and go, but you're stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. So in the end, you're the only one you can truly rely on.

[Jupiter]

Eric, sweetheart. You're a young, bright boy. You've tried so hard to help so many people and I'm sure they appreciate it very much.

To be completely honest, knowing you're depressed and not knowing you are doesn't make much of a difference. You feel the way you feel. You don't have to be clinically diagnosed. What difference does it make if you are? Psychologists, hypnotherapists and psychiatrists can sit there over and over telling me the same thing, that I have OCD, an anxiety disorder. dysmorphia, anorexia, orthorexia, bipolar, dissociative identity etc etc. But really, what does it matter? My mother won't let me take the medication to help me, anyway.

And if you're honest with yourself, would yours?

Many people seem to think seeing a psychologist or a counsellor fixes everything. It isn't true. No one can fix your problems for you. They can't promise to make it better. I've been to 8 and I still haven't gotten any help from any of them. I got through my eating disorders on my own.

People can push you forward, point you in the right direction, but they can't walk this entire journey for you. Sure, you may not have your family and yes, it's so, so hard growing up on your own. It's horrible having to pick up the pieces your parents leave behind each time they fight or tell you you're worthless.

It's difficult losing someone you love. Especially when you someone you believed loved you back. But life is about falling and picking yourself back up. You'll lose friends and girlfriends, gain, find. It's difficult at first and it doesn't necessarily get easier to cope with.

People come and go, but you're stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. So in the end, you're the only one you can truly rely on.

I guess you're right. It isn't just over a girl. That's just what triggered my melt down. This year is crap, and it's really hard to focus in school for me anyway, so now that hormones have kicked in, I have to worry about my meltdowns, and girl issues. My friends are all girls, so you'd think I'd have someone to talk about.

Wrong.

My friends don't care.

I really appreciate the advice, Z. :)

[Amaryllis]

I guess you're right. It isn't just over a girl. That's just what triggered my melt down. This year is crap, and it's really hard to focus in school for me anyway, so now that hormones have kicked in, I have to worry about my meltdowns, and girl issues. My friends are all girls, so you'd think I'd have someone to talk about.

Wrong.

My friends don't care.

I really appreciate the advice, Z. :)

And I really appreciate getting quoted ;)

Believe it or not, I completely understand what it's like to feel shit because your friends couldn't give a damn. I've always felt so lonely and it sucks feeling that way. The thing is, most people only ever truly care about their own problems and they like talking about themselves. Few actually enjoy listening to you talk about you. It isn't because they don't care, it's just because humans generally care about themselves more.

I remember when I was a walking black hole when I had my eating disorders, haha. In fact, I still kind of am(A suppressed black hole.) My point is, it isn't you. Ah well, you can't change them. But I'm here if you ever need to talk. Even therapists need someone to listen to them, sometimes. :)

[Jupiter]

And I really appreciate getting quoted ;)

Believe it or not, I completely understand what it's like to feel shit because your friends couldn't give a damn. I've always felt so lonely and it sucks feeling that way. The thing is, most people only ever truly care about their own problems and they like talking about themselves. Few actually enjoy listening to you talk about you. It isn't because they don't care, it's just because humans generally care about themselves more.

I remember when I was a walking black hole when I had my eating disorders, haha. In fact, I still kind of am(A suppressed black hole.) My point is, it isn't you. Ah well, you can't change them. But I'm here if you ever need to talk. Even therapists need someone to listen to them, sometimes. :)

:)
Well, you see. I am very hypocritical when I tell people not to bottle their feelings up. I do this. Not just because no one really listens, but because I'm afraid of not just of what it will lead to when I say it, but because when I vent, I tend to cry. "Men don't cry" is the worst things that has ever happened. My brother, my mentor, is at college. I could vent, but it isn't the same over the phone. I want to tell my friends, I have no where to start. 5 years of bottled feelings have lots of meaning behind them.

Yes, 5 years. November 10, 2006. That is the day my grandpa died. I miss him. That is where all these feelings started changing.

[Amaryllis]

:)
Well, you see. I am very hypocritical when I tell people not to bottle their feelings up. I do this. Not just because no one really listens, but because I'm afraid of not just of what it will lead to when I say it, but because when I vent, I tend to cry. "Men don't cry" is the worst things that has ever happened. My brother, my mentor, is at college. I could vent, but it isn't the same over the phone. I want to tell my friends, I have no where to start. 5 years of bottled feelings have lots of meaning behind them.

Yes, 5 years. November 10, 2006. That is the day my grandpa died. I miss him. That is where all these feelings started changing.

We're actually quite a lot alike, haha. I think maybe a lot of people bottle up their feelings, too. I know a lot of people who talk to me who feel extremely guilty for doing so. They're all wonderful people who deserve someone to listen, though. I wish I knew how to help you guys, but I do try.

That "men don't cry" shiz is stupid and sexist. Why shouldn't you be allowed to cry? Crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. I can never bring myself to let any bit of emotion seep through. I won't even cry when I'm alone. It's so hard, coping with all that pain. That's one of the reasons I cut myself. Because that's a pain I know how to cope with.

It's fine to cry sometimes, Eric. In fact, it does wonders. Stop trying to live up to people's expectations because thing is, no matter what you do, there -will- be someone who just isn't pleased with you. Who cares what they think of you. Would you rather have a bunch of partial friends and be miserable, or just be happy? If you're happy, who cares what else you are.

I've never lost someone dear to me. Mostly because I just never let myself grow so close to anyone that I'd actually care. But I've seen what losing loved ones does to a person. It really is terrible. You're a strong boy, no matter what you or anyone else says.

Sorry if I sound like I'm talking to you as if you're a child(You're very mature compared to most kids your age), it's just I feel like I'm 99 most of the time, haha.

[Jupiter]

We're actually quite a lot alike, haha. I think maybe a lot of people bottle up their feelings, too. I know a lot of people who talk to me who feel extremely guilty for doing so. They're all wonderful people who deserve someone to listen, though. I wish I knew how to help you guys, but I do try.

That "men don't cry" shiz is stupid and sexist. Why shouldn't you be allowed to cry? Crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. I can never bring myself to let any bit of emotion seep through. I won't even cry when I'm alone. It's so hard, coping with all that pain. That's one of the reasons I cut myself. Because that's a pain I know how to cope with.

It's fine to cry sometimes, Eric. In fact, it does wonders. Stop trying to live up to people's expectations because thing is, no matter what you do, there -will- be someone who just isn't pleased with you. Who cares what they think of you. Would you rather have a bunch of partial friends and be miserable, or just be happy? If you're happy, who cares what else you are.

I've never lost someone dear to me. Mostly because I just never let myself grow so close to anyone that I'd actually care. But I've seen what losing loved ones does to a person. It really is terrible. You're a strong boy, no matter what you or anyone else says.

Sorry if I sound like I'm talking to you as if you're a child(You're very mature compared to most kids your age), it's just I feel like I'm 99 most of the time, haha.

Well, yes. Losing a loved one can make people go insane. The issue? I'm already there.

I accept I am one of the craziest people you could ever meet. I live a double life, also. I'm not really sure if that's a disease... but if it is.....


I haven't cried since last week, when my sister and I had a 30 minutes screaming argument in public. Before that, it was like 2 months since I last cried. I confess, I cry. People cry. Most people that is....

You do help. You really do. When you say "I wish I could help." I just need you to know, you like... everyone knows you, and everyone is getting to know your story, and people look up to you.

[Amaryllis]

Well, yes. Losing a loved one can make people go insane. The issue? I'm already there.

I accept I am one of the craziest people you could ever meet. I live a double life, also. I'm not really sure if that's a disease... but if it is.....


I haven't cried since last week, when my sister and I had a 30 minutes screaming argument in public. Before that, it was like 2 months since I last cried. I confess, I cry. People cry. Most people that is....

You do help. You really do. When you say "I wish I could help." I just need you to know, you like... everyone knows you, and everyone is getting to know your story, and people look up to you.

Thank you very much for telling me that, Eric :) See, that's what I love about you. You're not afraid to say what's on your mind and say it in public. That isn't something everyone can do.

Sweetie, you're mortal. No one is exactly how they look on the outside and you can't expect yourself to smile and feel like rainbows and ponies all the time. Let me be completely honest with you and say I've been feeling like utter -shit- lately. I'm really worried that my friends on here like sach, matt and tim, are just gonna get sick of my complete lack of bubbliness.

What I'm getting at is, they're still talking to me. Which is a goddamn miracle, I think. You'll find people who'll stick with you even if you're not your "usual" optimistic self. It's just that you surround yourself with people who think their lives sucks balls, eric xD Not that I'm saying their lives don't, I'm more than certain it does to them.

But honey, you know how how hard it is to just plaster this grin on your face when you feel like bullpoopy. And helping and comforting others? Ah, that's nearly impossible for nearly everyone. You don't have to do that, Eric. Show your true colours every now and then. It's exhausting, feeling one thing and acting another.

I've found tumblr really helpful, haha. I just vent on there. Nothing beats talking to a real person, though. You might not wanna do that with your friends, but my offer will always be open :)

[Jupiter]

Thank you very much for telling me that, Eric :) See, that's what I love about you. You're not afraid to say what's on your mind and say it in public. That isn't something everyone can do.

Sweetie, you're mortal. No one is exactly how they look on the outside and you can't expect yourself to smile and feel like rainbows and ponies all the time. Let me be completely honest with you and say I've been feeling like utter -shit- lately. I'm really worried that my friends on here like sach, matt and tim, are just gonna get sick of my complete lack of bubbliness.

What I'm getting at is, they're still talking to me. Which is a goddamn miracle, I think. You'll find people who'll stick with you even if you're not your "usual" optimistic self. It's just that you surround yourself with people who think their lives sucks balls, eric xD Not that I'm saying their lives don't, I'm more than certain it does to them.

But honey, you know how how hard it is to just plaster this grin on your face when you feel like bullpoopy. And helping and comforting others? Ah, that's nearly impossible for nearly everyone. You don't have to do that, Eric. Show your true colours every now and then. It's exhausting, feeling one thing and acting another.

I've found tumblr really helpful, haha. I just vent on there. Nothing beats talking to a real person, though. You might not wanna do that with your friends, but my offer will always be open :)

I started this group... for now, there are only 3 people. I know I shouldn't do this, but we smile every moment in the hallways at school. I feel like people don't care about each other enough, so we have to keep others in mind because if our smile kept them going through the day. I just wish more people could do this. Plymouth Indiana, the worst place for a person struggling with issues. Everyone says that they are there, and then when you need them, they aren't.

Here, I can be myself. I can be the little dark, scary, complaining child I really want to be. I'm too afraid of what people will think about me. I know I am saying that "You'll always have haters" but like I said, I give advice, but I don't take my own advice.

[Amaryllis]

I started this group... for now, there are only 3 people. I know I shouldn't do this, but we smile every moment in the hallways at school. I feel like people don't care about each other enough, so we have to keep others in mind because if our smile kept them going through the day. I just wish more people could do this. Plymouth Indiana, the worst place for a person struggling with issues. Everyone says that they are there, and then when you need them, they aren't.

Here, I can be myself. I can be the little dark, scary, complaining child I really want to be. I'm too afraid of what people will think about me. I know I am saying that "You'll always have haters" but like I said, I give advice, but I don't take my own advice.
Understood. I can tell people over and over that they don't deserve having their flesh split open, but like hell do I think I deserve any better! This is gonna sound extremely hypocritical and weird, but I think I need to kill myself and die.

Okay, so that's kind of how you are with yourself ^

I don't think... Ah. I don't think people think I'm such a bad person. And loads of people tell me I'm a -good- person. Point is, if you're going to give advice, you should apply it to yourself, too. Because you're actually really, really hard on yourself. Now, I don't -think- I am. But I -know- I am.

You don't deserve any less than anyone else, sweetie. Putting a mask on isn't going to help you, and you may think it helps everyone else, now. But, one day, you -will- explode and the pain will hit harder than if you'd just let it go before it overflowed.

[Jupiter]

Oh, Z. You and I have beat this thread to death. I love you, because you totally just helped me through 2 mental breakdowns. :)

[trooneh]

Oh, Z. You and I have beat this thread to death. I love you, because you totally just helped me through 2 mental breakdowns. :)

That is why Z is awesome. Yet I don't think she believes it. -_-

[Jupiter]

Z, where do we start. We need to make a Z is awesome group!

[StoppingTime]

Here. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/group.php?groupid=231)

[SosbanFach]

Z, where do we start. We need to make a Z is awesome group!

Such a thing exists!

[Jupiter]

Such a thing exists!

I shall join.