One Big Mess

[Alexis goes Rawr]

So since my mom found out i cut, its been pretty bad, well really bad. Whenever I get upset or annoyed over anything she goes off in one of those high pitched patronizing voice ''Oh im soooo sad and i hate my life and everyone i know just hates meeee. Everyone is soo against me i need to go slit my wrists and kill myself.'' she doesnt get how much it bothers me and she wont let me do anything anymore im not allowed to use the knives in the kitchen even tho im the only one who cooks, im never allowed to be on my own anymore, i 'lost the privallege' of closing the bathroom door, and my mom has my little sister check my arms for any new cuts and got rid of all our razors for shaving, which i never used to cut in the first place. All of which just makes me feel worse and want to cut more, which i never did in the bathroom. And every morning wen i wake up and see her she ask 'so u little bitch u still wanna kill urself?'' she dsnt get that i dont want to die, or why i do this and she just gets angrier whenever i try and explain anything. Shes now threatening to throw me in this specialized mental hospital and promises to make sure i never get out...... I dont know what i should do, can she actually do that?? Im really scared and confused

[StoppingTime]

I don't think she can do that. I can't be sure, and I'll research and get back to you.

Anyway, the way she's acting, it seems like it will take a lot to get her to understand you. But don't worry, you won't be doing it on your own. Are there any friends of yours that knew you cut? Can you talk to them about whats happening? That always helps but it won't help the situation with your mother. For this, I think you need to seek professional help. Maybe start with a school counselor, and they can take appropriate actions from there. They really can listen and help you. I wouldn't start trying to change your mother's mind, because I think it would be pointless if you tried, and would only make things worse. I really don't think she can take any action about putting you in a Psych Hospital, so don't worry about that. Just promise me you'll get help.

She's just confused herself, and doesn't know why you used to SH. Of course it doesn't mean your suicidal, or anything like that. Also, with the urges. I saw a really good suggestion on here that may work for you. Keep a diary. Write down how your day was to the last detail, what you mother did, how it made you feel after she said it, etc... If you have a friend you really trust, show it to them and talk it out with them. If not, once you find a psychologist, and you trust them, you can do it there. Or, until then, if you feel comfortable, you can blog it here. Nobody's out to judge you here.
There are other things you can do to help the urges. Reading, running, writing, drawing, or just simply talking and being with people. You will get there.

Just please promise me you can try to talk with someone. It will seem hard, and it will be. But if you can find someone you trust, things will start to turn.

We are always here for you, and I'm always here to listen.
Good Luck, and remember you really can do it! :)

~Steven/StoppingTime

[love is louder]

your mum is rather confusing she says these horrible things to you yet she takes away sharp objects and tries to prevent you from doing it. surely this means she cares about your well-being?
as far as i know you cant be kept indefinitely for self harm. professionals have a more relaxed and more understanding way of dealing with cutting.
i dont know where your from but if someone ever tried to have me "locked up" for self harm all ill have to do is shoe them im sane and they cant detain me for more than 48 hours. it would be horrible to go through but i hope it makes you feel better that they cant put you away just like that.
to be honest im not really good at making people feel better i just kind of add a logical perspective.
is there anyone you can talk to about your mother? another relative. a teacher maybe. you dont have to tell them about your self harm because even the things she is saying to you isnt right and should be brought up and stopped!

[Amaryllis]

Oh jesus. That is -terrible-. Trust me, sweetie, I can definitely relate to you. When my mother found out she beat me up and screamed "Why!? Why are you crazy? Why would you do this to us?! What's wrong with you!" She didn't let me close the door to anything. She did full body checks on me and I couldn't use anything sharp, not even scissors. It was horrible.

She doesn't understand, honey. She doesn't know what to do or how to help. And she may not even -want- to understand right now. Admitting your child has too much pain is like saying "I've failed as a mother. I couldn't take care of my daughter. She has a problem bigger than what I know how to cope with. I don't know what to do and I need help."

A lot of adults tend to think it's as easy as just stopping. If you get along with your mum, be gentle with her. Try to explain why you do it. Encourage her to look it up and be patient. Say you need professional help.

My mother and I don't get along -at all- and she's mentally unstable as well. So I just lie to her and pretend I'm okay. I strongly -do not- recommend that, though, sweetheart. It's pretty difficult getting by on your own. Good luck, honey! And remember, think of yourself first. Take care <3

[Alexis goes Rawr]

thanks guys so yea i had a diary, i never wrote anything specific in it, but thats how my mom found out she found it and flipped out so i dont wanna try that again, my mom and i do not have a good relationship never have and i dont think i could ever forgive her enough to have one, she the abusive unstable type, both mentally and physically
Im too afriad to talk to her to get her to understand because she obviously doesnt right now.....