DefianttotheEnd
November 5th, 2011, 11:04 PM
THIS ISN'T AS LONG AS IT LOOKS, PROMISE! It'll take maybe a minute or two at the most to read it, please just read it.
To get a few things out of the way first: Yes I'm a male, I'm bisexual. He's my best friend but I also love him,(he doesn't know, and I think it's best that way, at least for now) and you can't tell me to just forget him or "try to move on".
I'll try to keep this short, if I let myself add too much detail it turns into a novel and no one reads it then I go hang on the edge of my deck for a few minutes...
Anyway, started last Winter, around 11 months ago. My best friend told me he's moving, and like I said I love him. I'd kill my family if it kept him from getting hurt, even though I'd only known him for a bit more than a year. I loved him from the minute I met him.
So he says he's moving, my heart falls through my chest, out of my feet, and a couple miles down into the ground before becoming the size of a basketball and me sitting there just unable to even move. I loved him so much, even though he'd only move an hour away, I knew he wouldn't want to hang out with me much (long story) if at all.So the time came, he moved, I was talking to him ALL THE TIME for the first month after he moved(in beginning of February). Then we kind of slid apart just a little bit, we only talked a couple times a week for another month. Slid apart more, a few times a month, but he really does still want to be friends.
And now, he hasn't talked to me in 5 months, and I don't know how I get up in the morning, or how I do anything without antidepressants. I've tried to talk to him a few times, I tried leaving him alone for a whole 2 months without ONE attempt at contact, and he still ignores me even though I know he wants to be friends. I figure either someone told him I do drugs or something (wouldn't be unbelievable, I was holding something for someone last year and got caught and everyone thinks I'm a stoner now and I've never even seen anyone doing drugs). He could also possibly think I'd be a bad influence on him or something because I had pretty much all Fs last year because it was the last year of middle school, and my best was moving.
I just don't know where to go from here. If he were a more open person I'd have no problem just sending him a text with something like "hey dude, why won't you talk to me? what did I do wrong?" but he's really closed off, in a good way. He doesn't like talking about personal issues at all with anyone, just making jokes, talking about music, watching movies. So I really just don't know what to do at this point. Like I said, I can NOT get over him, I've had almost a year to try that, and it's worse than a drug addiction, and I don't want to get over him because I don't have many friends to start with and he's just a great friend. If you even say anything that suggests trying to forget him or anything I'm going to have to ignore you.
Help... I can't go through life without him.
To get a few things out of the way first: Yes I'm a male, I'm bisexual. He's my best friend but I also love him,(he doesn't know, and I think it's best that way, at least for now) and you can't tell me to just forget him or "try to move on".
I'll try to keep this short, if I let myself add too much detail it turns into a novel and no one reads it then I go hang on the edge of my deck for a few minutes...
Anyway, started last Winter, around 11 months ago. My best friend told me he's moving, and like I said I love him. I'd kill my family if it kept him from getting hurt, even though I'd only known him for a bit more than a year. I loved him from the minute I met him.
So he says he's moving, my heart falls through my chest, out of my feet, and a couple miles down into the ground before becoming the size of a basketball and me sitting there just unable to even move. I loved him so much, even though he'd only move an hour away, I knew he wouldn't want to hang out with me much (long story) if at all.So the time came, he moved, I was talking to him ALL THE TIME for the first month after he moved(in beginning of February). Then we kind of slid apart just a little bit, we only talked a couple times a week for another month. Slid apart more, a few times a month, but he really does still want to be friends.
And now, he hasn't talked to me in 5 months, and I don't know how I get up in the morning, or how I do anything without antidepressants. I've tried to talk to him a few times, I tried leaving him alone for a whole 2 months without ONE attempt at contact, and he still ignores me even though I know he wants to be friends. I figure either someone told him I do drugs or something (wouldn't be unbelievable, I was holding something for someone last year and got caught and everyone thinks I'm a stoner now and I've never even seen anyone doing drugs). He could also possibly think I'd be a bad influence on him or something because I had pretty much all Fs last year because it was the last year of middle school, and my best was moving.
I just don't know where to go from here. If he were a more open person I'd have no problem just sending him a text with something like "hey dude, why won't you talk to me? what did I do wrong?" but he's really closed off, in a good way. He doesn't like talking about personal issues at all with anyone, just making jokes, talking about music, watching movies. So I really just don't know what to do at this point. Like I said, I can NOT get over him, I've had almost a year to try that, and it's worse than a drug addiction, and I don't want to get over him because I don't have many friends to start with and he's just a great friend. If you even say anything that suggests trying to forget him or anything I'm going to have to ignore you.
Help... I can't go through life without him.