Worse, better, and back to worse

[HeartCoreHannah]

So I'm cutting again. I had to get stitches last Saturday. My leg still hurts and I feel like a failure. I hate my new school. I only have one friend there. I feel so out of place now. It sucks.

To replace the cutting for a while I started smoking. But now since I'm cutting again I have two addictions. .-. I'm ready to be 11 years old again and just do my life completely over. I hate my scars. People ask when my sleeve comes up at school. I tell them I was in a car wreck and my arm went through the window. Some people believe it. Others tell me I'm lying and they want the real story. One day I got so angry I just looked at a kid and said "I'm a cutter! Okay, jesus fucking christ leave me alone!" then he said he was really sorry and if I ever needed anything I could talk to him. Then I felt like a douche for yelling at him.

ugh, I hope things go back to good again. I hope I can make out the positives instead of dwelling on the negatives.


I really want to stop cutting. I do. I do. I do.

[dark_soul777]

I know exactly how you feel, if only you could turn back time everthing would be fine. But things will get better, you said you have one friend and thats great, im sure they'd be willing to help you.

You want to stop cutting, and thats a start, its not easy to stop, take it from me, but i havent for over a month and it is possible, just start by setting yourself small goals, like I wont cut for 24 hours, then work your way up. I know that cutting seems like a solution and helps at the time but in the long term it makes everything worse. I live in Australia, and because nobody knows I cut I have to wear jackets all the time, it was 38 degrees yesterday, I guess thats just another reason for both of us to stop :)

I am always here for you if you need someone to talk to, about anything, I do care about you and I know you can get through this :)

[Love.Hate]

Are you seeking professional help for your self harm?

I think you could really benefit from it, wanting to stop is the first step. Use that, use your determination to stop. I'm here if you want to talk, it's okay to get angry it's hard when people notice, but his reaction shows you people do care. Your not alone in this, although I recommend cutting down on smoking as much as you can, because in the long run that will make you more stressed.