oh my god i just relapsed for the first time

[damaged goods33]

I can't believe I just relapsed I'm such a mess I just I haven't done it in so long and I needed it I needed it so bad but now I'm scared what if my mom finds out she'll hate me:( I'll just die if that happens I'm so depressed nothings working I'm so scared so incredibley scared someone help me

[georgiamay]

Calm down, and breathe for a second. Think about it, will your mum really hate you? No she won't. She might be concerned and worried, but she definitely won't hate you, she's your mother, she loves you unconditionally. She'll try and help you if anything.

You need to take a step back and think about things right now before you rush into conclusions like "I'm such a mess," and "nothing's working." Everyone makes mistakes. No one expects you to suddenly stop without making a few mistakes here and there.

We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up again. Instead of focusing on the fact that you relapsed, try and learn from it, and think about what triggered it, and why you did it. Then you can move on from this, and it's less likely to happen again.

[damaged goods33]

Its just so scary for me and such a big deal I always am hard on myself for everything so not only do I let everyone else down I let myself down too. I'm not sure what triggered it maybe its because for the past two weeks I've been so depressed and I just missed cutting cause when first started therapy I stopped cutting cold turkey it was like out of nowhere. I'm always afraid of my mom hating me for cutting because she gets so mad and emotion and upset with me and it hurts. I feel like my mom thinks this is just a phase I'll grow out of but its not I'm always going to have to battle these urges. I'm so disappointed in myself :( I know I'm going to have to tell my therapist and my mom but I'm scared!

[mikeywrenn]

Hey, hey, never be disappointed in yourself. Whatever decision you make, you do it because you have to, or really want to.

If harming yourself is something you beat yourself up for, then perhaps you should plan a way of relieving your stress in a much more safe manner. Perhaps do something you enjoy, or sometimes, well, you could just have a cry. I know for a fact that crying relieves stress, as you think of the worst, then afterwards everything seems better.

If you think I can be of any help, please do tell me what I can do, I'd be more than willing to help you out. I hope I've helped as it stands now.

And also, your mum wont hate you for cutting yourself, by the sounds of it she loves you very much and she will support you readily. You need to have more faith in her.

[damaged goods33]

To relieve stress I like to paint I'm not very good at it but it makes me feel better but I'm all out of paint and my family isn't the most wealthy right now and I can't bare to bother them asking for material things when we barely have money right now. I love to sing but I just end up singing angry hateful songs that trigger my cutting. The one thing I hate in the world is crying I don't know why but I just hate crying when I was an avid cutter everytime I wanted to cry I'd cut instead and instantly the tears were gone and I felt better its just a thing with me I hate to cry. Thank you so much you have helped me a lot :) I just hope I can move on from this but I just don't know

[mikeywrenn]

I'm genuinely glad that I could help you, you seem like a very strong person, one that can overcome something like this.

What you said about the cutting stopping the crying, perhaps you should let the tears flow, if you need it let off the stress. When you cry, you feel terrible, but then after feeling terrible, things can only feel better, that's how it relieves your stress.

Just remember, you've got a large community of people here that is made up of people that understand what you're going through, and we're all more than happy to be helping.

[damaged goods33]

Thank you so much that means the world to me its comforting to know I'm not alone :)

[mikeywrenn]

I hope that's, at least, sorted part of your problems out, the rest is all up to you and those around you.

[damaged goods33]

Thanks for calming me down!

[scouse-emo-chick]

Don't worry hun, I've been in the same situation a lot lately but it was my bf not my mum. Just keep calm and go cold turky again :) mikey's right- crying helps loads. :) just email me if you need help, feel like this again or even just need someone to rant at or chat to. :3 I'm allways here

[damaged goods33]

Thanks:)

[cpr97]

Its just so scary for me and such a big deal I always am hard on myself for everything so not only do I let everyone else down I let myself down too. I'm not sure what triggered it maybe its because for the past two weeks I've been so depressed and I just missed cutting cause when first started therapy I stopped cutting cold turkey it was like out of nowhere. I'm always afraid of my mom hating me for cutting because she gets so mad and emotion and upset with me and it hurts. I feel like my mom thinks this is just a phase I'll grow out of but its not I'm always going to have to battle these urges. I'm so disappointed in myself :( I know I'm going to have to tell my therapist and my mom but I'm scared!

its good to be hard on yourself its what drives us to succeed n reach our goals. your mom might be "upset" or "mad" but that is only cuz she loves you n cares bout you n it prolly hurts her to see you doin what she gets mad at you for n the best/easiest way for people to deal with hurt is anger trust me your mom loves you n will do anythin it takes to help you through this n yea i may not know your mom but trust me if she didnt care she wouldnt show any emotion or get upset with you at all. your mom knows you can overcome this n your strong enough to just like i know n im sure all your friends n everyone on here knows you can do this, n yes dont give up just cuz you fell once its like ridin a bike your gonna fall off n might scrape your knee or bump your elbow n yea its gonna hurt for a bit but you gotta get back on the bike n try again n everytime you get back on the bike your gonna make it a little further until eventually you can ride that bike like nobody else for miles n miles so just hang in there its gonna get better n just remember if you think things cant get worst that just means things have to get better from here on out. but no matter what dont give up on yourself i have faith in you that your strong enough to get back on that bike n go again n if you fall again all your friends n family will be there to wipe the dirt off your scraped knee n pick your bike up for you trust me you can do this dont let 1 little fall stop you show yourself that a setback isnt gonna stop you from achievin your goals to stop cutting

[damaged goods33]

Wow thank you Cody that was such a sweet and inspiring thing to say :)

[Hajara22]

cutting is like anyother addiction. you have to find another way to channel it out. crying helps some ppl music helps others. writing what your feeling can help too. no one is ever alone. there is always someone who has been through it before. just keep that in mind...

[cpr97]

Wow thank you Cody that was such a sweet and inspiring thing to say :)

no need to thank me :) thats what friends are for n i say what i feel
also if you ever need someone to talk to bout anythin PM me

[damaged goods33]

Thank you:)

[cpr97]

anytime im glad i could help :)