Crushed and Confused

[DrRumack]

Hi all,

My first post on this forum, and it's going to be a doozy.

For some history, as I would think it would help, I kinda stopped having girlfriends at the sixth grade. It was probably because I moved to a new school thousands of miles away, but I'm not sure. Anyways, these relationships were all kinda limited to school. The height of my romantic career was asking a girl to prom.

Now, at 15, I have realized that something is very wrong. I haven't had the experiences that most 15 year olds have had, and I really don't know why. I don't think of myself as a loner or a nerd. I have a tight group of friends who I tend to hang out with, but I can generally go up to anyone in my grade and strike up a conversation. I am somewhat intelligent, but I also like to think that I dress well and don't look half bad.

At my school, I thought that I'd never find someone that I liked. Now, I have. But I have no idea what to do. I think she likes me, but that really doesn't matter. She talks to me, and laughs when I tell stupid jokes and hugs me in the hallways. But the thing is, I can't tell if she is being friendly or genuinely likes me. We sat next to each other on a long bus ride, and we told stories and shared food and earbuds. I really think that it has come to the time to ask her out, but I really don't know what I should do. Should I ask her out to a movie? And then what? Sure, we hang out in school, but what after that? Do we go to each others houses? More movies? Since I would be in a relationship with her, parties? Do we just hang out? And how do I know if she wants to kiss? Like I said, I am a complete novice at this high-school dating game. I'm used to the kind of dating where it's "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" "Yeah, sure." Then you share Animal Crackers.

Also, if you read this far and don't have a shotgun barrel between your teeth, riddle me this. Like I said, I don't think of myself as the unpopular kid, and think that I socialize well in school. The thing is, I don't get invited to a lot of parties. I hear these people talking about how awesome the parties are (Yes, I do realize what goes on in the pates), and I get really jealous because I, for some reason, don't get invited to them.

Please, help me out.

Many thanks for solving a problem that has been bugging the crap out of me.

[Salader]

When it comes to the dating game for myself. I'm a complete idiot. But for some reason or another. When i got a mate who fancies someone else. I see a obvious change in his/her behaviour. He'll not talk to some people. Or he'll be spending very much extended times with him/her. For example. I have a friend called Lewis. He one day starts to bring up this girl in his year. (He is two school years younger than myself) And i don't know who she is. I tell him just to talk to her be natural. He soon enough is talking to her all the time and ignoring most others and cussing (Swearing) at them when they try to talk to him when he is with the girl. So that there is a obvious change. Next thing you know. There talking all sort of secrets and close and stuff. I ask him if he is going out with her. He says no. I say, dude if any time is the time to ask. Now. Do it. He goes out and gets a girlfriend.

Not the same scenario? Ok. I have a another friend who had fancied a particular girl since he started secondary school. And we're in the end of secondary school now so he has had a while to get with her. Years past until about two months ago. And they're strong friends. In the friendship zone? Yep. In escapable. I think not! She broke up with her boyfriend and was very upset. He was just there to simply give her a hug and a "I'm so sorry" She just wanted the company. She admits along the lines that she's come to like him for what he's done. He is overjoyed. As expected his behaviour changes. But this time he is asking around for advice and being reasonable. One thing leads to another. They get together. So on.

Why am i telling you this? Well to quickly explain. The point would be either do what either of my friends did above or you could do this: You could do what comes naturally to you. It's more than great that you like her. And yes. You'd be spending a hell of a lot more time together. How would you know if she wanted to kiss? Three ways. Ask her. She tells you. Her actions. By her actions i mean. She gets intimate, or she's bringing it up in conversations. More movies? Sure. If that's something you two do and like to do together. Parties? Possibly? It depends. If she gets into parties alot of the time then more likely than not. If she doesn't then i doubt it. But i don't know the way your school and living area works.

I probably missed stuff out. Accidently, i assure you. If you want anymore information i'll check back here later.

[MusicRox]

Wow, that is a dosey.

This girl sounds amazing, she really does. And there are three ways of going about the whole asking her out thing.

1) The simplest but undoutbly the hardest...just ask her. I should say, it DOES hurt when you put yourself out there and then get shut down (did that recently), but if she says yes than all to ya.

2) Do some digging. You say you can socialize easily and so if you have a few good mates (rly good ones) than ask them to find out if she likes you. A little childish I know but I've done it before.

3) Just wait...the second hardest thing. Wait to see what happens. When you have those feelings for someone and they just won’t go away until the hurt, it kills to do this. She may ask you out or drop plenty of hints and then go for option 1.

Now onto your questions. I'm sure that these aren’t all of them so I'll try to cover everything. I live in country Western Australia and at my school we are sort of blunt about it. If you like someone and finally get the courage to ask them this is the sentence we all say
"Will you go out with me?"

Dates are a definite YES!!! It’s romantic and helps a relationship soooo much. Movies are a definite option and try to get something you both like. If there’s a movie she said she wanted to see, than go see it with her.

Kissing...you will know. I know it’s vague but it’s the best I got. If she’s looking into your eyes and you hers and if she leans into you a little closer than normal...hint!!!

As for after dates etc. Take her back to your place if you want, if she’s comfortable with it and if her parents and yours are good with it too. Remember that just because she’s at your place doesn't mean sex!!! And you don’t sound like that kind of a person.

Parties...umm...if she wants you to go than go...that the long and short of it.

Remember that a relationship is a wonderful amazing experience and every relationship changes you, for better or worse. Pace wise, move at a speed that feels comfortable to you and her. And the BIGGEST advice I can give...COMMUNICATE. It may seem stupid but talking really is the best thing. With my gf we felt like we could talk about anything and the relationship was amazing. We knew where each other felt comfortable and happy.

Experiences...don’t worry about them. We live long and adventurous lives and they are filled with experiences. In my opinion, life doesn't start till Uni (17 going on 18yrs in Australia)

Good luck and she sounds amazing and I hope you two works out for the best.

P.S. PM me if you have any questions. I am here for any advice you may need. Seriously, I’m an open book and I've had some very different relationships.

[DrRumack]

Thanks for all of the awesome advice, guys!

Thanks for seeing what I meant by "going to each others houses". With this girl, for some reason, sex is the last thing from my mind.

I was just throwing parties in their as an example, but now that I think about it it does seem like a weird place for a couple to go.

I think that that the main reason I was asking where to go is that it just feels weird if we are still and school and we go out for lunch :P. And I think that movies would get boring after a while.

I was also asking this question because I am still trying to figure out if she genuinely likes me, or if she is just being friendly. I guess the only way to figure out is to ask her out, huh?

Still, thanks a bunch. Hopefully I can man up and ask her soon.

[Salader]

No problem man. Give us the results when it comes to it

[MusicRox]

Sorry Man,

I can't believe I missed those points. Umm...the question about her liking you is a hard one. I read your description and I really have no idea. I have close female friends and sometimes there actions can be classed as flirting but it's just that we are like brother and sister.

I was in your situation about a month ago, liking a girl who gave all the signals but not knowing whether she liked you. One night I just sent a txt telling her how I felt. It didn't end badly but she said she didn't like me that way, brothers and sisters remember. So, I don't know. With the girl I asked one of my closest friends to do some digging for me and yer, same answer.

As for dates...yer lunch dates are maybe a little odd. Movies after a while will get boring. Do you have any local fetes or shows? Any little attractions like mini putt or something like that? If so than go there...it may see stupid but going to mini golf is different for 15-16 yr olds. The main thing with a date is that you two spend time alone together. Even walking around your town or hanging at the local park. Something where you spend 'quality time'together

DrRumack, you sound like an amazing guy and the nicest person. She sounds like an amazing person to and I really do hope things work out for the both of you. Good luck. And I wanna hear what happens...please.

P.s. you said that sex was the last thin on your mind with her. You really like her. Love ya man and all the best