kenoloor
November 1st, 2011, 12:05 AM
It's been 17 months, as of Oct. 30th, since I last cut myself. It really doesn't feel like that long. It aggravates me that my scars have faded since May, 2010. I wanted them to stay there forever, evidence of my past, and trophies of my "strength." Every time another anniversary arrives, I feel good about it. I'm glad I don't cut anymore, and I'm glad I'm not in that place anymore. But really, self-harm is still hanging over my head. An addiction that I'll never truly be rid of. I struggle daily to keep myself from cutting again. Is it really worth the struggle? I don't know. All I know is that the last time I cut feels like yesterday. And I wish it were. I feel like I'd both be fulfilling my wishes, AND letting myself down if I cut again.
I don't know.
I don't know.