Help Me

[Fiction]

I don't know what to do. I really don't. I've put on weight. I'm trying to get help and no one wants to help. I've seen councellors, i've seen my doctor i've been to support groups and just no one wants to help.

I spent 10 minute sitting in front of my mirror in tears, because I can tell i've put on weight. I hate myself. I need to get better I just don't know how the fuck to get there and no one else seems to either.

I can't fucking cope.

[Amaryllis]

Kathy, have you talked to your counsellor about this? If s/he can't help, you need to find another. I sifted through 5 psychologists, hypnotherapists and psychiatrists during my eating disorder recovery. Even then, they never helped. All my friends had left me by then, as well.

You don't need anyone but yourself, sweetheart. This is your own inner battle with yourself. No matter how many people push you on, point you the right direction, in the end, this is you. This is your choice. Your life.

Read books on how to recover from eating disorders. Read, a lot. That's what helped me so, so much. And join the website, Something Fishy. Another thing I did was write in a journal. Just write everything. And make paper stars. For each step towards recovery that you take, make a star and put it in a jar. Forget what stumbles or "steps back" you may have made. Think of food as life. Because it is. They're not calories or whatnot. It's life. It's love. Do you have calorie counters? Weighing machines? Throw them out. You may come back to them, I did. But I just kept doing it, until I didn't need or want it anymore.

Turn away from the mirror. The camera. Stop looking at yourself. You are more than your appearance. Forget how you look. Beauty doesn't lie in a mirror, it's inside. A skinny body and a pretty face will only get you this far in life. Let yourself cry. Scream. Let out all the emotions you held inside, the pain you threw into your eating disorder. Affirmations. Stick them everywhere. You will stumble, but keep on going. Keep picking yourself up, keep trying. Because, when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up.

Only you can do this, Kathy. You're doing better than you think. Don't rely on anyone too much in this world, because even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness.

I didn't think I'd ever get here. I didn't think I'd ever bounce back from 50 pounds. God, it was horrible. I was so, so miserable. It got to the point where I didn't sleep. I was bordering on death. Yet I couldn't bring myself to drink a bottle of gatorade for the life of me. Even when I started bingeing, I felt sick, I hated myself. I hated myself so, so much. To be completely honest, I still look in the mirror sometimes, well, maybe most of the time, I look at it and I hate what I see.

But no matter how much I hate the way I look, I'm not going bad there. It was horrible. Worst than anything I've ever been through. My mind, my body, everything, every aspect of my life was focused towards slowly killing myself. My eating disorders. I was trapped. Nothing, no pain will ever beat the pain of your body fading away. It was horrible.

You have to keep going, no matter what. Just keep pushing. Don't ever, ever give up. I don't love myself. I won't lie to you. I don't need self-love to beat this, though. Because it's terrible. And... I know I don't deserve this. A part of me knows, my eating disorders, I didn't, don't deserve them. I was such a pretty girl. My eating disorders destroyed everything. Don't let yourself fall as far as I did. No one deserves the pain of an eating disorder. No one.

Someday I will love myself. Just not today.

[Jupiter]

Kathy, you are beautiful. Let's face it, you got the boyfriend, the mod position, the hair. Why worry so much about appearance? My post isn't going to be nearly as long as "Jordon's," but you really are stunning. You got this, Kath. Why don't you talk to Aaron about it?

[Fiction]

Kathy, have you talked to your counsellor about this? If s/he can't help, you need to find another. I sifted through 5 psychologists, hypnotherapists and psychiatrists during my eating disorder recovery. Even then, they never helped. All my friends had left me by then, as well.

You don't need anyone but yourself, sweetheart. This is your own inner battle with yourself. No matter how many people push you on, point you the right direction, in the end, this is you. This is your choice. Your life.

Read books on how to recover from eating disorders. Read, a lot. That's what helped me so, so much. And join the website, Something Fishy. Another thing I did was write in a journal. Just write everything. And make paper stars. For each step towards recovery that you take, make a star and put it in a jar. Forget what stumbles or "steps back" you may have made. Think of food as life. Because it is. They're not calories or whatnot. It's life. It's love. Do you have calorie counters? Weighing machines? Throw them out. You may come back to them, I did. But I just kept doing it, until I didn't need or want it anymore.

Turn away from the mirror. The camera. Stop looking at yourself. You are more than your appearance. Forget how you look. Beauty doesn't lie in a mirror, it's inside. A skinny body and a pretty face will only get you this far in life. Let yourself cry. Scream. Let out all the emotions you held inside, the pain you threw into your eating disorder. Affirmations. Stick them everywhere. You will stumble, but keep on going. Keep picking yourself up, keep trying. Because, when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up.

Only you can do this, Kathy. You're doing better than you think. Don't rely on anyone too much in this world, because even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness.

I didn't think I'd ever get here. I didn't think I'd ever bounce back from 50 pounds. God, it was horrible. I was so, so miserable. It got to the point where I didn't sleep. I was bordering on death. Yet I couldn't bring myself to drink a bottle of gatorade for the life of me. Even when I started bingeing, I felt sick, I hated myself. I hated myself so, so much. To be completely honest, I still look in the mirror sometimes, well, maybe most of the time, I look at it and I hate what I see.

But no matter how much I hate the way I look, I'm not going bad there. It was horrible. Worst than anything I've ever been through. My mind, my body, everything, every aspect of my life was focused towards slowly killing myself. My eating disorders. I was trapped. Nothing, no pain will ever beat the pain of your body fading away. It was horrible.

You have to keep going, no matter what. Just keep pushing. Don't ever, ever give up. I don't love myself. I won't lie to you. I don't need self-love to beat this, though. Because it's terrible. And... I know I don't deserve this. A part of me knows, my eating disorders, I didn't, don't deserve them. I was such a pretty girl. My eating disorders destroyed everything. Don't let yourself fall as far as I did. No one deserves the pain of an eating disorder. No one.

Someday I will love myself. Just not today.

Thank you Z, I used to weigh myself an count calories but that was the first step I took to recovering. I think tomorrow though i'm going to cover up my mirror. I don't want to look at myself at the moment to be honest.

I'm going back to the doctor soon and i'm pretty sure i'm going to try and talk to her about getting more help, because my coucnellor discharged me and doesn't want to help.

I'm determined to keep going after this, if I can keep going after break downs like that then I can keep going through anything...

Kathy, you are beautiful. Let's face it, you got the boyfriend, the mod position, the hair. Why worry so much about appearance? My post isn't going to be nearly as long as "Jordon's," but you really are stunning. You got this, Kath. Why don't you talk to Aaron about it?

Thank you >< I have talked to Aaron about it. He's been amazing tonight and literally prevented me from a major major breakdown.

[trooneh]

Hey, Kathy.

I don't really know you that well, BUT, you honestly are stronger than you realize. You have come so far like you said. Like Z said, you can do this. I don't really have experience with eating disorders; I'm lucky for that. I just know that you CAN do this, and people here will always listen, and talk, and care. If your counselor did not want to help you, then that's just plain wrong, and they shouldn't be in their current field of work. A true counselor will listen to you and do their best to help you. Don't let one stupid person discourage you. We all care, here. Every single last one of us.

[Fiction]

Hey, Kathy.

I don't really know you that well, BUT, you honestly are stronger than you realize. You have come so far like you said. Like Z said, you can do this. I don't really have experience with eating disorders; I'm lucky for that. I just know that you CAN do this, and people here will always listen, and talk, and care. If your counselor did not want to help you, then that's just plain wrong, and they shouldn't be in their current field of work. A true counselor will listen to you and do their best to help you. Don't let one stupid person discourage you. We all care, here. Every single last one of us.

Thank you, that really does mean a lot. I'm trying my best :)

[trooneh]

Thank you, that really does mean a lot. I'm trying my best :)

You can make it through all of this. You are strong enough. :)

[Fiction]

You can make it through all of this. You are strong enough. :)

I'm not sure I am ><

[trooneh]

I'm not sure I am ><

You are. You've got Aaron, and you've got all of us. You can get through this. You can always message me if you need to talk. I'm online WAY too much, anyways. Benefit of being a college student with no life.

[Fiction]

You are. You've got Aaron, and you've got all of us. You can get through this. You can always message me if you need to talk. I'm online WAY too much, anyways. Benefit of being a college student with no life.

I know I have Aaron and he helps more than anything else. I know I have everyone else and that helps a lot too i'm just really not coping with any of this at the moment ><

Thank you.

[trooneh]

I know I have Aaron and he helps more than anything else. I know I have everyone else and that helps a lot too i'm just really not coping with any of this at the moment ><

Thank you.

It's my pleasure to help you out. The fact you're posting here is a big step, though. It's better than keeping everything to yourself.