I suppose this is where it'd go.

[Unpresentable]

Almost two years ago, I met this guy. We'll call him TM. So, I met TM and within a month he asked me out. I said no, because I had just gotten out of a relationship and I didn't want to be back in one quite yet. But he persisted and eventually, I said yes. [On December 16th, 2005 to be exact.]
When I was a little kid I always wanted a copy of the book "Twas The Night Before Christmas" and for Christmas, he got me two. An old-fashioned gorgeous version, and a new, cute version. This was when I knew that he was amazing.
And then something happened. It was around Febuary of 2006. There was this guy, CH, and he started telling me things about TM. Bad things. And I guess I got swayed. I broke up with TM, and
somehow ended up with CH. TM and I still acted like we were going out, just how we talked/acted around each other, and CH turned into the most controlling boyfriend I've ever had. Turns out he cheated on me with twenty million other people and when he broke up with me he called me fake, and it turns out he was faker then I could ever dream of being. So, we broke up. And within a couple days I was back with TM. We were together.. and.. it was amazing. I fell so incredibly in love. I had finally found the person I dreamed about for 15 years. He was the one who I could trust with EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, and he wouldn't run away. In fact, whenever I was having a bad day he came up with a new way to make me feel better. He saw me at my worst, and he saved me. If it wasn't for him, I'm fairly positive I wouldn't be here right now.
And then I went to Australia. Something bad happened while I was gone. It was enough to lose all of my friends, and I wasn't even on the same side of the world. I came back, and I had literally lost everyone, and I was about to lose the most important person of my life. We talked it out though, and worked through it and came out stronger then ever. By this time we were planning out the rest of our lives, and they would obviously be linked together. I considered him my soulmate. He was my best friend, and my boyfriend, and I couldn't have been luckier.
And then... Febuary 19th, 2007 happened. He broke up with me. He said he couldn't handle the distance and there were a million other things, but only one thing mattered. I was losing him. I was losing the first person I had ever really trusted, and he didn't want to be with me anymore.
It was horrible. I went to school on tuesday, and I was a complete zombie. Every few minutes I had to curl up, because I felt like I was going to be ripped apart. I could actually feel a wall closing around my heart. I officially decided that I was never going to date again. I would never fall in love again. And I would never EVER feel this pain again. It so bad that I stayed up night after night, carefully planning which bottle of pills I would swallow in the morning to take away the pain. I couldn't see how I could go on without him. I felt like I had my only friend, my entire future, and my soulmate ripped away. I was so incredibily lonely, and whenever we talked, it seemed like he was already over me. It made me question ever thing that he'd ever said to me. What if it was all lies? What if he was just playing with me? 'What if' became a 24/7 mantra that screamed through my head.
Yesterday, he took me off his myspace friends list. I IMed him, and asked why. He said he didn't trust me. He compared me to the person that killed his mom.
I asked him if he cared, and he said no, not at all.
Last night, I didn't sleep. I was back to planning which pills to take this morning.
I thought I had experienced the worst pain ever when he dumped me, but really. It's nothing compared to this. Well, not nothing, but you get what I mean. Every breath hurts, and I feel like my heart is being ripped to shreds inside my chest. TM and I will never speak again, and I have officially lost the best friend I have ever had. He hates me. And... I don't know what to do.

I'm completely lost.

[schrei jess]

You're not lost, rainey. And dont think that even for a second that you've got no reason to live. How could you even think about killing yourself? You're all I have, and you would just leave me? I know that I shouldn't turn this into something about me...but how could you even think about giving up, when Im still here for you? Why the fuck didnt you tell me it was this bad? I know that the new me is a total bitch, but if you had said it was this bad...the old me would have known what to do, she would have, I know it. And I know that what I said to you over that text wasnt what you wanted to hear, but it's all I know to say to you, because it's the truth. If you didnt want the truth...you should have told me, and I would have said something else.

Life is definetly going to be hard without Tony, you already know that - but if you dont let him go, raine...then you'll never get over him, ever. Isnt BW enough to bring you out of this? You've been wanting him forever, and now you have him - is he not enough? I thought that maybe since you got him, that I wouldnt have to worry about you all the time, but I was wrong. Why didnt you just tell me it was hurting you this bad?

Dont you ever fucking kill yourself, because if you do, then I have no choice but to go too. Without you, then I have no one. And you always fucking have me, how could you even forget that for a second? Was it that easy to forget that Im here for you, easy enough to start planning on killing yourself? I thought I meant a lot to you, but was it not enough to keep you from going under?

[ForeverBlue]

I feel almost the same way. I thought I had found "the one," but he broke up with me, and took me off his friends list on Myspace and everything. We didn't talk for a couple of months. But I felt exactly the same, I was a zombie, there, but not really there. I still feel this way, over two months later.
But recently we started talking again. This was weird, but it made me happy.

However, just last night I was talking to a friend of mine and she asks me if she could go out with my ex. I freaked out and said NO.
I was hyperventalating and shaking. I don't know why I felt like that, I just felt so broken up and unhappy that he liked another girl.

That was horrible.

The only thing that really helps for me is to listen to music and go for walks. Well the only positive things anyway. But I am not promoting the idea that you should kill yourself.

Sorry if this was unhelpful, I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way.

[Rinoa]

As lame as this sounds you have to stop thinking of him as 'the one', if he was he wouldn't have dumped you, right? I was the same way when my first longterm guy dumped me, but, weeks later I realised there are four billion other guys on the planet. So it didn't work with that one guy, you're still a great person, and it won't be long before another guy sees how awesome you are.

Think about the plans you have for yourself, other than him. What college are you gonna go to, what do you want to do for a career? In your head you made him your world, he was present and future, but in letting him be that you forgot one thing. Whether or not it works out with that guy you still have yourself. You have the future that you can make for you, you don't need his. You have your life, and yourself...what are you going to do with you?