Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

[fattyacid40]

I have been going through this depression for about 2 1/2 years now and it just keeps getting worse. I've dealt with a pill pusher and I stopped seeing him because I was sick of pills being thrown at me for everything. I'm not saying maybe I don't need some medication, but I was on 4 psychiatric meds at one time, 5 if you count one I take as needed.

I see a counselor but I am afraid to be completely honest because I don't want to be thrown in a mental hospital. I have suicidal thoughts, but I have no intentions or plans. I feel like I'd be better off dead. I have scratched myself and cut myself in the past.

I have no friends in school and I am a major outcast. I try so hard but everyone ignores me.

The reason for me posting this is I'm wanting to know if there is anyone else out there like me, or who understands where I'm coming from. I have other issues too but I don't feel like typing it all. I feel so alone. And I'm sorry if I depressed anyone from typing this because that is not my intention. This is my way of venting because I don't want everyone else around me feeling miserable just because I do.

Thanks for reading. :)

[trooneh]

Hi Eric,

There are plenty of people in the world that are in a similar situation as you. You are not alone at all. There are always people willing to listen. People like those of us on the forum. People here will always try to help you as best as they can.

I know you are nervous about possibly being placed in a mental institution, but sometimes it can be the best possible thing that can happen. Speaking from experience, when I was 17 I was placed in a mental hospital because I was barely getting out of bed and going to school anymore. I was stressed out on so many levels. However, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I finally was able to get the help I needed at the time, and I met my current therapist, who still helps me get through a lot of my current problems.

You need to be completely honest to the professional that you see. Their job is to help you, and they will do their best to do so. Some professionals might do a poor job, but there are those out there that will try their absolute best to help you. You can always talk to us here, too.

[fattyacid40]

My problem is I don't want to be induced with drugs as soon as I get admitted. I am honest with my therapist but the psychiatrist I was seeing had me on 4 drugs: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, BuSpar, and Abilify, 5 if you count Ativan as needed. I was getting worse and then that's when I cut myself. I was ready to kill myself then. I still have suicidal thoughts but no plan or intention to do it. I'm trying my hardest to stay out of the psych hospital, but my therapist is getting me an appointment with another psychiatrist. Thank you. :)

[trooneh]

That's quite a lot of medications. Some doctors are more into giving you medicine while some are not. If you're open up front with a psychiatrist and tell them that you do not want medication except as a last resort, they should listen. Would you be against the idea of taking a single medication out of curiosity?

[fattyacid40]

No, I have before. I've taken a lot of antidepressants before taking so many at once. I took Prozac first, and at 40mg it was ineffective. Then I took Effexor after that, then switched to Zoloft. Zoloft made me sleep way too much so I tapered myself off of it. Then I was put on Lexapro, and after 2 months I was getting worse so the psychiatrist added BuSpar, Wellbutrin, and Abilify. Along with Ativan for severe anxiety/panic attacks because I get that a lot too from social anxiety. The Ativan works great, but I limit myself to 1-2 a week because I know how benzodiazepines are extremely addicting.

I am not against taking a single medication, but when I see this new doctor I will see if I can get on Prozac again and up the dose a little bit because I feel like it may have helped more than I thought it did. Effexor XR helped but even after a month I got so sick at my stomach in the morning every time I took it.

[trooneh]

Hopefully, the Prozac will work for you. Also, you do need to be open to your counselor. They can't do their job unless you are completely open to them.