runincircles
October 27th, 2011, 06:08 PM
Sorry if I'm doing anything wrong in this post lol, but I just discovered this website and registered maybe like 5 minutes ago..
Anyway, I've had issues with eating for at least 4 years now. It started in middle school. I starved myself so I'd look good once I got to high school. Then every once in awhile, I found it impossible to stop eating. I would binge and binge. Then I'd feel guilty and try to cancel it out with exercise or puking. Now it's reached the point where I'm barely ever able to starve myself. I don't try so much anymore. I only try to be normal now. But I can't even do that. I binge nearly everyday and wind up running on the treadmill until I burn 1,000+ calories. My weight is stable. It's at the higher end of the healthy range. No one has any idea that I have a problem, or at least they don't care enough to help. Today I tried so hard to have a "normal" day. But then I wound up eating 2 bagel thins with cream cheese, a can of soup, goldfish, 2 eggs with toast, peanut butter on toast, a banana, pasta, an uncrustable PB&J, 4 oranges, a granola bar, and then I attempted to stuff down some of the dinner that my mom made so that I wouldn't look suspicious. I honestly don't even know how I'm capable of fitting so much food inside of me day after day, or how I'm able to hide at least 90% of my binging from my family... Now I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't throw up some of this and then go for a run. I'm getting so sick of this routine. If this is what my life is going to be like forever, I don't want to live.
Anyway, I've had issues with eating for at least 4 years now. It started in middle school. I starved myself so I'd look good once I got to high school. Then every once in awhile, I found it impossible to stop eating. I would binge and binge. Then I'd feel guilty and try to cancel it out with exercise or puking. Now it's reached the point where I'm barely ever able to starve myself. I don't try so much anymore. I only try to be normal now. But I can't even do that. I binge nearly everyday and wind up running on the treadmill until I burn 1,000+ calories. My weight is stable. It's at the higher end of the healthy range. No one has any idea that I have a problem, or at least they don't care enough to help. Today I tried so hard to have a "normal" day. But then I wound up eating 2 bagel thins with cream cheese, a can of soup, goldfish, 2 eggs with toast, peanut butter on toast, a banana, pasta, an uncrustable PB&J, 4 oranges, a granola bar, and then I attempted to stuff down some of the dinner that my mom made so that I wouldn't look suspicious. I honestly don't even know how I'm capable of fitting so much food inside of me day after day, or how I'm able to hide at least 90% of my binging from my family... Now I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't throw up some of this and then go for a run. I'm getting so sick of this routine. If this is what my life is going to be like forever, I don't want to live.