i wrote you a poem

[ReasonsForWeeping]

i wrote you a poem
i wrote it on my wrist
i wrote it with a razor blade it ended in a twist
the blade was sharp and narrow i did it to kill the pain
as i finished the first sentence the blade hit a vain
i watched the poem run down my arm
i watched it drop to the floor
then i saw no more

[Bath]

Beginning reminds me of After by Amy Efaw:

She can paint a lovely picture, but this story has a twist.
Her paintbrush is a razor and her canvas is her wrist.

[embers]

Angsty as fuck

[Syvelocin]

I do love the flow of the first few lines, it's a very nice metre. The next bit has the same metre, maybe format it the same? But then you drop the metre. That's what threw me off. That's something I rarely think about when I'm writing poetry as well but I often see when I'm reading it.

You have 'i wrote you a poem / i wrote it on my wrist / i wrote it with a razor blade it ended in a twist'
and then 'the blade was sharp and narrow i did it to kill the pain / as i finished the first sentence the blade hit a vain.' I'd actually split it so it's the same format as the previous line, to exemplify the metre. Something like 'the blade was sharp and narrow / i did it to kill the pain / as i finished the first sentence the blade hit a vain.' Know what I mean?

And then just the last bit, but it could easily be reconstructed to have the same metre as well.

Subject-wise, I feel it's a bit descriptive for my tastes. But I know this was probably more of a getting it off your chest sort of deal, I know, I've written my fair share of poems like that, mine leave nothing to the imagination and I've only let fellow patients in psych wards read them the morning after I write them (assuming I wrote them while I was hospitalized, which is usually the case) and then they end up in a folder on my computer never to be opened again. So really, I can't say anything on that part can I.

[Jupiter]

:( this really.. just makes me sad. I mean.. come on, it's.. i..

loss of words. its really good though..

[ReasonsForWeeping]

its just how i felt