I wanna help

[SomecallmeTim]

Ok so I have a friend in my second hour mathclass and while she's working I see the scars on her wrists she's a really nice girl and I feel I should help someway, I would call her a friend not a close one but a friend and I want to know is it my business? If so what should I do to help her?

[AppealToReason]

No, I don't believe it's your business. You can always politely ask her about it, but drop the subject if she says no. You have to understand that this is a hard thing for many people to talk about, so don't bug her about it. You can still help her by just talking to her. Believe it or not, just having a friend who cares about them would help so many self harmers out.

[SomecallmeTim]

Ok thanks for the advice, I appreciate it

[Alexithymia]

No, I don't believe it's your business. You can always politely ask her about it, but drop the subject if she says no. You have to understand that this is a hard thing for many people to talk about, so don't bug her about it. You can still help her by just talking to her. Believe it or not, just having a friend who cares about them would help so many self harmers out.

That. If she says no, drop it. That said, you can still be there for her. Just tell her that you don't mind talking to her about it if she ever needs someone. Being able to have someone is the greatest gift to a self-harmer. But don't push it. If she says she needs space, give it to her. If she doesn't want to talk about it, give her a break. Being a self-harmer is hard. And helping one is probably just as difficult.

[FullyAlive]

I wouldn't even bring it up unless the topic comes up itself (unlikely) I've had more than a few close calls recently apparently I've become shit at hiding it. But I hate how i feel when people ask me, it makes everything worse. It makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like feeling like that with people I don't consider friends.

If you've seen her friends have probably seen and she will get support from them, also you said scars so it might not even be a problem anymore.
The very most I would do is mentionit to one of her friends, nothing else.

[Aubrie]

Yeah, I wouldn't bring it up at all. Not directly at least. When people asked me about it, I felt trapped and cornered. It was triggering. If you want to help, just let her know that you're there for her for anything.

[RustyRockets]

Tim

I'd go along with a point FullyAlive made; the furthest you should go directly would be to mention it to someone that she is close too and who you think would handle the situation in a sensible and compassionate way. You're quite right that just raising the subject with her is more likely to make any problem worse than better.

That said, you can do A LOT to help indirectly. Even asking how she is generally and letting her know that people are looking out for her and do genuinely care will start to build a feeling of confidence and safety. The fact that you are concerned in the first place means she's lucky enough to have some support around!

[StoppingTime]

I would not get involved. She may feel very self-conscious about it, and try to not let anyone know about it. If you came up to her and asked her about it, this may even make her feel worse. I would stay out of it, unless, like others said, she asks you. If this were ever the case, don't pester her about it. Just remind her that the only way she can do it is if she believes she can.

[LonelyOleander]

Um, well this is tough because I don't know the girl. But *I* wouldn't mind if someone asked me about it, as long as it was in a place where if I decided to tell you, not everyone would hear it. But that's me. I might mention it to her...but you have to be careful with us over-emotional people...

[logan fields]

i dont know much about stuff but if you really care then it is your business. if i was sad and cutting i think i would want a friend to let me know they care.

[StoppingTime]

i dont know much about stuff but if you really care then it is your business. if i was sad and cutting i think i would want a friend to let me know they care.

No. People who self harm can be very self conscious about it, and that's fine. It isn't other people's business. I really think you should stay out of her business unless she asks you. It isn't your place.

[Sadworld]

Don't ask and don't tell. They will hate it and second guess your friendship. Best way to help them is be a friend, like everybody is saying. Never mention or hint you saw her scars but don't ignore it either. Let them open up to you and when they do 'listen'. Don't laugh even though it is a simple reason for you because for them is huge. Don't judge, don't criticize. Just be comforting and attentive. Let her guide the conversation because she will have a lot to say or want to say.

In short: Just be there.

P.S.: The topic self-harm for a self-harmer is filled with lands mines. So be careful.

[ryantombs]

my advice... be there for her... i know thats really all i wanted someone to care. someone to just talk to or something... just be her friend and if she does say something dont laugh dont criticize and if anything read up on SH not really like published articles but maybe read some forums and so when she comes to you, you can sorta understand the reasoning behind SH most people think that they are suicidal when they aren't really or stupid because they never experienced the pain themselves.

[Megson]

Honestly, it would totally freak me out if someone knew I cut. Don't ask her about the cutting, but maybe try to reach out to her. Be a friend. Maybe in time, she'll tell you herself. Or maybe your friendship can help her out with her self-harming. Just don't confront the issue head-on. Do not ask.

[Amaryllis]

That depends. How close are you to her? How much experience do you have with self-harm? How do you believe she will react? Are you in the position to help her? What do you plan to say and/or do? Do you feel you should tell the school counsellor? Does she trust you? How do you plan to approach her? Would you be able to cope with the stress of helping someone who harms themselves? And most importantly, how is it going to affect you?

I've seen this time and time again. A lot of people try their best to "help" and they do have good intentions. However, they often end up "joining in" and cutting as well. This is never a good thing. Self-harm will only lead to more problems. They do not solve anything. It's a temporary release and your problems will come back harder than ever before. It's like coffee or a sugar rush, you'll feel hyped up for a bit and then you'll just crash harder than you would've had you not started.

Self-harm is something that tends to spread if you do not learn to disconnect yourself from the other person. Their problems are not yours. Do not take on another's pain. You are in position to. All you can do, is help and lend them a hand.

Consider telling the school counsellor, if you feel the counsellor has the experience and empathy needed to help someone who cuts themselves.