I'm anorexic

[adrenaline500mg]

5'3 188lbs.

I want to be skinny.

[Amaryllis]

Sweetheart, eating disorders don't help anyone. They won't make you look better, in fact, they'll make you look worse and believe me, you will end up heavier than you ever were.

I remember wanting to loose a couple pounds to fit in a dress for some party than never came. I never had good self-esteem and at the time, I was in so much stress. Someone dropped out of a -very important- academic competition and they chose me to replace her. I had 3 weeks to read books upon books, thousands and thousands of pages and memorise 'em all.

I started a strict diet, exercised like a nut. Next thing I knew, I lost my friends, I dropped to 50 pounds, I didn't have a life. I couldn't sleep because I was so underweight. I just paced back and forth in the corridor each night trying to burn calories. Life was terrible. I wanted to die.

To have an eating disorder is to be standing on thin ice. You're so caught staring at the beauty around you, that you don't realise the cracks beneath your feet. By the time you do, you're drowning in the deep and you don't know how to get back up. Hell, you don't know where up, down, left or right is.

You know what, sweetheart? You can be 200lbs, 100, 50 or 0 and it wouldn't matter. If you don't love yourself, if you can't accept yourself, you will never be enough. You could have the greatest opportunities, right in front of you, you could be standing in a meadow of roses but all you see are the thorns. Skinny isn't worth the consequences.

I was a beautiful girl, I was miserable then, yes. I cut, the abuse was killing me and I was depressed and alone. But nothing, nothing compares to the pain of an eating disorder. The pain of your body eating itself. You will lose everything, you will lose more than you already have. You may think you have nothing to lose now but you do.

Things still aren't easy. I don't like how I look most of the time. I contemplate stabbing my heart with a knife, slitting my wrists, drowning, everyday. But I don't. Because I've gone this far, I've helped this many people, I've worked to hard to get to where I am to just let it all go. Life is so much better now though, compared to when Ana had such a strong hold on me.

See yourself for the beauty there is within you, not the bad parts you see in the mirror. Hold your head up high, smile and don't give up. Everything will be alright and one day you'll be happy. One day, you'll look back at this and be glad you were strong enough to turn away from Ana.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[Fiction]

Becoming anorexic is more than just loosing weight. It's an obsession that completely takes over your mind. It starts to damage your body, and you start to become more and more depressed. It's not worth it.

Even if you lose weight in this way you'll only put it all back on. You'll probably end up putting back on more than you started with.

If you want to loose weight try doing it in a healthy way. Change the foods you're eating but carry on eating enough. Excercise more regularly and you'll soon start to notice a difference. Just whatever you do, don't try to starve yourself. You will regret that.

[adrenaline500mg]

I can't lose weight. I think it's physically impossible. For a while i was maintaining my weight. And then i started walking a lot (a mile and a half everyday pretty much). And i couldn't really eat much because i was always out all day with no money for food. I still never lost anything.

Also it's kinda impossible for me to starve myself. If i only go a couple of hours without anything i get really dizzy.

:(

[Fiction]

I can't lose weight. I think it's physically impossible. For a while i was maintaining my weight. And then i started walking a lot (a mile and a half everyday pretty much). And i couldn't really eat much because i was always out all day with no money for food. I still never lost anything.

Also it's kinda impossible for me to starve myself. If i only go a couple of hours without anything i get really dizzy.

:(

You don't want to be starving yourself, it's not something to aspire to do. It messes up your body and it gets rid of muscle mass and not fat. When you recover you'll end weighing more, because your body holds onto your food as fat. Starving yourself is never worth it.

Also from what you're saying you don't sound anorexic. Wanting to lose weight is not what defines you as anorexic.

As for loosing weight, as I said, try eating but eating different foods. Keep walking everyday and maybe add some other excercise into it. Just make sure you are eating enough, or it isn't going to help anything.

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

I can't lose weight. I think it's physically impossible. For a while i was maintaining my weight. And then i started walking a lot (a mile and a half everyday pretty much). And i couldn't really eat much because i was always out all day with no money for food. I still never lost anything.

Also it's kinda impossible for me to starve myself. If i only go a couple of hours without anything i get really dizzy.

:(


Trust me this is a good thing. One of the most dangerous parts of anorexia is that it becomes addictive. You start to get past the hunger pains and see your weight drop and you just want to keep going and going because you see yourself as fat.
Before you know it you're crying yourself to sleep because you are in so much pain. Even when your skin is stretched so painfully tight over your bones you look in the mirror and see fat that needs to go.

When you start you think that just losing those few pounds will make you happy, but it doesn't.

Until you start to look in the mirror and see what is beautiful about yourself, it doesn't matter what you do to your body, it wont make you happy. Why do you think people end up destroying their faces with plastic surgery? Because just one treatment didn't make it happy like they thought it would.

If you want to lose weight for health reasons, there are much better ways to do it than starving yourself, such as eating more protein and less carbs, as your body cannot store protein as fat without carbs to bind the amino acids together. But even losing weight in a healthy way wont make you happy if you can't first love your body.

I know it may seem like the only option right now, but please don't resort to anorexia. It is a horrible illness that takes over every aspect of your being. If you need to talk please let me know

[SWMG]

Please, never consider that having an eating disorder will bring you something good, because it will bring all the bad thinga you can imagine: loneliness, uncomfortness, your self-esteem will be low and you will loose friends and family in your search for "perfection" there are healthy ways to loose weight and then reaching into a healthy weight.