Lying.

[Bath]

Apparently last night I left my blade on the bathroom counter even though I was nearly sure I put it away.

My mom asked me about it and asked if I was cutting again, and I acted really confused and she told me that she found a blade on the bathroom counter. I acted really stupid and was like, "no. That's really weird. I swear on my life I didn't cut."

I'm such a good liar it makes me sick.

Ugh I've just been feeling bad about it.

[secretly_secret]

I lied yesterday too, when my mom was reading some thing about the world ending and she said, "I don't know, have these last five months been tormenting to you?"

And I didn't even come up with excuses. I just flat out lied, "No."

Don't put yourself down because of it, Beth. Everyone does it.

[Slytherin_Prince]

Dear Bethany,

I am no expert on the topic, but it sounds like you're not feeling too well.
Have you talked about it with a professional? Of course, people here are willing to help out as well, myself including, but I'm hardly a specialist.
Still, it can't be easy. Sorry for what you're going through. Should you feel the need to talk, you may always message me.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

[DarkHorses]

Hey Bethany,

It sounds like you're exactly where I was about a year ago. I was lying to people about my cutting, and no one knew that I was doing it. I thought that that was a really good thing, that I was doing a good job keeping it to myself. I don't think you should feel guilty, because right now you're really struggling, and a lot of times we don't do things we would normally do when we're having a hard time, or doing something like cutting. Chances are the reasons you didn't tell your mom are valid, at least to you. So don't beat yourself up. We've all lied about something at one point or another.

That being said, though, when I stopped lying, I started to recover. I remember lying to my psychiatrist about everything, and after that she failed to diagnose me with depression, when in fact I really was depressed. Eventually I went back and told the truth. Not going to lie, it wasn't as if everything was fixed overnight. It took a really long time to find the right combination of meds and for me to actually finally give up self harm. But it was worth it. You won't recover if you're not willing to admit the truth, and sometimes that's even to yourself. Self harm is not helping you, even if at times it feels like it is. There are many more lies ahead of you if you continue down this road. I'm not trying to tell you to quit cutting right now, because it's not that easy. And ultimately, it's your decision. I'm just telling you what happened with me, and my own personal experience.

You don't deserve to be hurt in the way you are hurting yourself. I hope that you feel better soon and that cutting is something you eventually let go of. I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything, so feel free. Hang in there :)

[Amaryllis]

Sweetheart, sooner or later she's going to find out. When my mum found my precision knives, she was furious. Lies only get you that far in life and they only last so long. You need help, sweetie. It's so hard doing it alone. I understand, though, personally, I wouldn't tell my mother. She, herself, is mentally unstable. I've always been the one to take on her problems and she just wouldn't be able to handle it. If you think your parents won't understand or will hit you if they realise the truth, keeping it to yourself for now may be the smarter choice. Is it possible for you to see a counsellor in your school, perhaps? Good luck, sweetheart.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[Bath]

It's harder to tell my mom. Especially after I just lied, you know? And I convince myself I won't do it again each time after I do it that I won't ever again... so I feel the lie is justified most times. I know I need help. My case manager is an idiot and won't answer our phone calls ever when I really need her to find me a therapist.

Thank you, though. All of you. Really. :)

[Fiction]

We've all been there. We've all lied about our cutting in the past. I'm not endorsing it, because maybe it's better to tell her to get help, but it's understandable and I don't think it's something to feel guilty about. I know that it's inevitable you will feel guilty though.

I guess you'll just have to either live with it or tell her, but honestly, every cutter does this at some point. :hug: