I don't want to get out of bed. Ever.

[YesterdaysNews]

I hate waking up knowing I'm going to be alone for most of the day. Knowing I'll have no one to sit with at lunch. I hate how mature I am compared to the people I'm around. It makes me irritable and sad because I can't fit in. I convinced my mom to let me stay in bed this morning but my grandma is taking me to school in 20 minutes. I got into the shower with a razor, but I was too numb to use it. I don't even feel like finishing this post. It seems like it'll be a waste of space, just like the rest of me. I don't remember a time I felt good about myself. Worthless, fat, ugly, idiot, bitch, loser, fuck up. I just want to be happy or to be dead. It's so hard going on like this

The only reason I don't think I'm diagnosed depressed is because I'm a really good liar. "Do you think about killing yourself?" "...not really" "How often do you cut yourself?" "It's only been once or twice."

[Shenron]

Well Amanda, I too am too mature to fit in with the normal crowd. I have problems talking to people and usually don't have anyone to talk to either. I have found that associating with people who are older than me, such as my nextdoor neighbor or teachers, helps a lot. I have also found one person who is close to my maturity level in most areas and we have become friends. I would advise you to seek out a friend like that and to get to know some older people as well. Please know that you are special. People who grow up fast often are very successful later in life. Keep holding on and try to get through this.
If I can help in any other way please drop me a PM.

[StoppingTime]

I hate waking up knowing I'm going to be alone for most of the day. Knowing I'll have no one to sit with at lunch. I hate how mature I am compared to the people I'm around.
I have this also. I actually just changed schools, and in a class of 35 kids, there are two or three people who can maintain a maturity level of their age for more than 5 minutes. I can't stand it. They all act like a bunch of little kids, and I am the exact opposite. I still sit with them and am trying to make friends with them, but I don't know how it will work out. In previous schools I've gone to, the kids were much more mature than now. I would try to still sit with them, though. Smily at their stupid remarks, and try to be friends with them. Try to talk to one or two people who you feel are like you.

It makes me irritable and sad because I can't fit in. I convinced my mom to let me stay in bed this morning but my grandma is taking me to school in 20 minutes. I got into the shower with a razor, but I was too numb to use it. I don't even feel like finishing this post. It seems like it'll be a waste of space, just like the rest of me. I don't remember a time I felt good about myself. Worthless, fat, ugly, idiot, bitch, loser, fuck up. I just want to be happy or to be dead. It's so hard going on like this
Don't think of yourself like that. You are worth a great deal, don't follow how others are acting. When the time in your life comes to apply for a job or college, who do you think will be the best? Who will get what they want? It will be you, and you will be the one to succeed. Cutting won't help, and in the end, will only make things worse. It will give you relief for a little, but in the scheme of things, does much more harm than good. You aren't worthless or a loser. Just because you are better than them, why is this bad? Just try to connect with those who you feel are the most like you. Nobody will probably be on the level of maturity your on (maybe though?), so just try and be with the ones closest to it.

The only reason I don't think I'm diagnosed depressed is because I'm a really good liar. "Do you think about killing yourself?" "...not really" "How often do you cut yourself?" "It's only been once or twice."

You will get through this, but you need to be able to do one thing in order to do that. Believe in yourself. If you think you can do it, then you can. You will be the one to succeed.

If you need anything else, don't hesitate to PM me about how you're doing.



Good Luck!
~StoppingTime/Steve

[Amaryllis]

What may seem impossible today may not be so. Right now it feels as if all the pain outweighs the short lived moments of joy. It's hard to try when there's nothing left in you. You hate yourself, you don't deserve to live, you just want to sleep and never wake up.

But sweetheart, as hard as it is right now, you can't let go. You could grow up to be something great. You could end up saving a life. You could find something or someone worth living for. Those little moments of happiness or even, just feeling okay, are precious. Take them. Treasure them. And put them in a jar.

One day you will wake up and see all the beautiful, precious jars. And you will continue to make more. One day you will be happy. All you have to do is choose to be. Give yourself a chance to be the amazing person I am sure you are.

Have faith in yourself. Trust that it will get better. Next time that voice is telling you you're not good enough, next time life falls apart, hold those jars close to your heart because life is about falling and picking yourself back up.

You have one chance to be whatever you want to be. One chance do do whatever you want to do. This life, no matter how hard, is the only chance you'll ever have.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[MassiveAttack]

I am going threw this too. I just moved half way across the country and the people are all immature and very childish. My old class mates acted their age but not here. I hate living here because of it and it's sad because I wanted to move here for years, however I know that education has to come first and that in a few years I can do whatever i please. But yet I'm depressed and constantly get into arguments with my mother about it. But in my case there's not much I can do

[StoppingTime]

Same. We only moved about a few hours away, but it feels like its a different state. The kids I used to be with weren't all that mature, but they weren't like this. These kids can't keep it together for more than a minute or two if no ones in the room. They just start to go crazy. I just don't see how I could ever be friends with any of them, but I don't want to stay alone for the whole year.

[Megson]

I feel so much like how you described, its painful. I'm more mature than the people where I live, and I'm also too serious. No one wants to have a serious conversation or be around my 'negative' energy.

I sit alone all the time. No one talks to me. My 'friends' ignore me. I'm always alone.
I hate waking up in the morning because I know that, every day, my day will be lonesome again.

[YesterdaysNews]

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and stories. To everyone feeling the same way: I'm so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do for all of you so we could all get out of this sinking boat. <3

[Shenron]

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and stories. To everyone feeling the same way: I'm so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do for all of you so we could all get out of this sinking boat. <3

No problem. If you ever need to talk about anything let me know. I'm here to help. Also, try to take each day at a time rather than dwelling on the days past. I know that is hard to do but sometime you just have to take it slow. Again, let me know if you need anything.