GP and parents found out... idk wat to do

[ryantombs]

So two days ago or so I told my best friend we made amends and stuff and i was all good happy and finally quiting barely any triggers and urges but then my dad and i were cleaning my car and we went for a drive to take pictures of it at a park... he asked to drive it home and it was weird since hes usually like no its yours but w.e. i went along with it but we passed our turn and went right to the doctors. i had no idea but w.e. i walk in only my mom was in the office talking to my GP ok so i go in thinking oh yea my shot i need that but then it went right into depression and he starts asking questions bout SH and suicide and stuff i tell him nope im fine but i was depressed a month or so a go but just sad ok blah blah blah he asks to check me out i stammer ask as in a physical or just like a check up he says check up which i havent had in yrs then he asks me to drop my pants boxers on and everything off i get on the table and fuck my boxers roll down he saw them im fucked then i had to talk to him for 45 minutes and keeps thinking im suicidal and stuff and think the whole reason i cut is because i lost my gf and now shes bi and shit and he doesnt understand that its not that reason and im not suicidal and just really making it worse and now i have to go to therapy and stuff... later i found out my ex gf also my bestfriend who i told told her mother (a police detective who works with kids... blah blah blah) who then preceded to tell my mother and i was totally fine and stuff so after my doctor visit went home tears streaming and then the dr calls saying i need to get ointment for the cuts but w.e. wasnt allowed to drive but got alotted a half hr to go get it instead went to my ex's house she got in the car and im just like why'd ya do it... and just all this stuff oh i did it cuz i love you and stuff and i want you safe... fight tht turned into crying and hugging... but im like beck you know what you do to me and how you like control me in a way and stuff i was stopping for you becuz that knife i began to think as if i was cutting her... she just made it worse it turned from one person knowing to 6 now and i didnt want her parents to know becuz now they are gonna look at me differently and stuff and its just like heart broken and how can i trust her. and stuff
and she made it worse. i wasnt ready to go to my dr yet not my parents not therapy i wasnt ready nd now im being forced and now its just gonna send me even further down what should i do sorry for the long scatter brained no gramatical stuff but just so mad and dissappointed

[secretly_secret]

:hug3: so sorry. but maybe it's all for good.

[ryantombs]

But im not ready too and how everyone is dealing with it is making it worse and stuff and i was fine jus talking to tht one girl but now idk if i shud even talk ti her anymore:(

[secretly_secret]

Tell your parents that what they are doing isn't helping.

[ryantombs]

like they dont really think it ok they prob are and they are like sending the signals but my GP kept going if you ever think about ending it call me wat ever time and he kept saying it... over and over it was getting me so mad and stuff... and then i get home from talking with my ex and stuff i went for a bike ride just becuz my parents were pressuring me to answer questions and saying stuff... and i just wanted to be left alone so my mom kept saying i want you home and im like i dont want to come home yet blah blah blah and then the doctor called and said well maybe he shud be admitted to trinitas (im assuming physche ward or something) and its like holy shit just leave me alone. thats all i want... now my best friend prob thinks im suicidal and shes like well all my moms suicide cases were from self harm... and im like you dont understand its a way of coping and stuff and this big run around. im not ready to talk to someone i was stopping on my own and now they just threw me a curve ball why why did she have to tell she literally fucked my entire life

[secretly_secret]

I just don't know what to say. I'd be fu**in my life too if my parents found out.

[Fiction]

I know exactly how it feels for your parents to find out about things beyond your control. My parents found out about my self harm while I was in hospital after an overdose. I know it's horrible, but all you have to do is get through it. Keep going, things do go back to normal. It might take time but they do.

Maybe the therapy will help. Since you're being made to go you may as well make the most of it. Your therapist will be confidential, and anything you say won't go back to anyone you don't want them too.

I know that this all seems really big to you right now. I totally understand that. I know that there are so many emotions going through your head at the moment, but I promise you they all end. This is just a small part of your life. It will be got over.

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk

[ryantombs]

thing is the person i trusted most in my life i consider on the same level as my parents go back on me (i know it was good intentions) but i wasnt ready for it. and now i feel like i wont even talk at all with the therapist thts my big thing i wasnt ready i was ready to quit i was going to quit but now its all worse but i understand what your saying and i hope it does

[secretly_secret]

:-\ Sorry