I think I need help... :(

[goofball]

I'm not sure where to begin.

Over the past 2 years, I've been having friendship issues, ie friends making new friends and leaving me. This comes as no surprise to me. I'm fairly shy and find it difficult to hold a conversation, and have even more trouble talking on the phone and making new friends.

The first few friends that "ditched" me left me feeling excluded and unappreciated. They'd always come into the place I worked (at the time) after their nights out. They would never invite to their events. They never acted snub, but never included me. I felt alienated. I felt like I was a servant. A year and a half on, it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to, but I'm very attached to them. I want to talk to them about this situation, but I'm scared that I'll permanently lose them because I may come across as "bitchy" or "clingy". Whenever I try just have a general conversation with them, I see their facial expressions quickly change from normal to bored. To me it seems like they aren't interested in talking to me anymore and don't want me around.

I suppose I deserve it for being anxious in any situation.

Now, (very recently) I was invited to a few parties in celebration of our exams being finished. I politely refused the invites, mainly because I hate any occasion with a lot of people. Small events are fine, I just can't stand trying to make awkward conversation with strangers whom I see everyday at school. My friends who ditched me were encouraging me to go to both. I don't know why...they seldom talk to me anymore. And even though I see them everyday (we're also still in the same 'group' at recess and lunch) they tend to somehow mould the circle so it slowly excludes me.

I'm so confused what to do right now. I have no idea where to turn. Talking to them about where we stand relative to each other is out of the question. I would much rather just get to start talking to them again and regain their interest. I know they'd much rather talk to others (even while I'm already talking to them (mid-conversation)), because they do it regularly.

If anyone has experience in these situations, please feel free to offer your suggestions. I'm feeling very lost at the moment.

TL;DR Friends acting weird, I need help.

Thanks

[Shenron]

Ok, so I went through this when my friends entered high school and I was still in middle school. I found that the best thing to do would have been to have talked to them about it. Just strike up a conversation about something that interests both of you and try to subtly work in the fact that they are ignoring you. "we haven't talked about this in a while" or "now that you are too busy for me I haven't been able to tell you about this" are examples. Say it in a joking manner and see what they say. If you want to get them back, or prevent further distancing, you are going to have to talk to them whether you like it or not. Things don't fix themselves.

Let me know if you need any more help, I'll keep an eye on this thread.

[Jupiter]

if you need to talk to someone, im right here. just add me first

[StoppingTime]

I'm not sure where to begin.

Over the past 2 years, I've been having friendship issues, ie friends making new friends and leaving me. This comes as no surprise to me. I'm fairly shy and find it difficult to hold a conversation, and have even more trouble talking on the phone and making new friends.

You will get used to it. I am just like it . I actually just started a new school, knowing absolutely no one. It is aver a month later, and I still can't say I've really made any "friends". I also did last year, but that wasn't as bad, and I did OK. You kind of have to ease yourself in. Start by talking to the people you sit next to, and go from there. Get to know a few people you think you could be friends with.


The first few friends that "ditched" me left me feeling excluded and unappreciated. They'd always come into the place I worked (at the time) after their nights out. They would never invite to their events. They never acted snub, but never included me. I felt alienated. I felt like I was a servant. A year and a half on, it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to, but I'm very attached to them.
Did you really consider them friends? How did you guys interact? Did you ever feel like they cared about you? They probably were just the wrong people to be with. They knew each other forever, (I'm assuming you met them as a pre-established group), and felt uncomfortable with someone new. I am going through this too, but I doubt it's half as bad as you. If they treat(ed) you badly, why were you so attached to them? Is it because you were afraid they were the only friends you could make? I felt that way too, I couldn't believe I had to leave them. But being alone for a little while and finding the right people beats being with the wrong people 100% of the time, (to me.)


I want to talk to them about this situation, but I'm scared that I'll permanently lose them because I may come across as "bitchy" or "clingy". Whenever I try just have a general conversation with them, I see their facial expressions quickly change from normal to bored. To me it seems like they aren't interested in talking to me anymore and don't want me around.

I suppose I deserve it for being anxious in any situation.
How do they treat you now? Is it better or worse than before? If they see you as clingy, then they should realize its their fault for being bad people, (at least to you).


Now, (very recently) I was invited to a few parties in celebration of our exams being finished. I politely refused the invites, mainly because I hate any occasion with a lot of people. Small events are fine, I just can't stand trying to make awkward conversation with strangers whom I see everyday at school. My friends who ditched me were encouraging me to go to both. I don't know why...they seldom talk to me anymore. And even though I see them everyday (we're also still in the same 'group' at recess and lunch) they tend to somehow mould the circle so it slowly excludes me.

I never like being at huge parties where I don't know most of the people either. I am usually the one who follows others, and am always "caught" doing it. It didn't bother me as much because I went to such a small school and didn't have anyone else to be with, so I really didn't have a choice.
Were they trying to make fun of you when they wanted you to come? Or were they sincere about it?


I'm so confused what to do right now. I have no idea where to turn. Talking to them about where we stand relative to each other is out of the question. I would much rather just get to start talking to them again and regain their interest. I know they'd much rather talk to others (even while I'm already talking to them (mid-conversation)), because they do it regularly.
If you truly feel as if they will never be nice/accept you, then what would you do? Would you try to go with others? Maybe if you find a different group, who you think is nicer, tell them how it happened and why you are there, they may understand.

Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with though. If you feel like you can make it work with the people you have now, go for it.


If anyone has experience in these situations, please feel free to offer your suggestions. I'm feeling very lost at the moment.

TL;DR Friends acting weird, I need help.

Thanks




Good Luck with anything, and don't hesitate to leave me a VM and replies about this.


~StoppingTime/Steve