Should I make telling my parents a big deal?

[clr9823]

Hey,

Well I've resolved myself to come out as bi to my mum in the next couple days. I'm a REALLY closed person when it comes to my parents (a few weeks ago my dad told me that he doesn't really know anything about me, despite knowing me since birth and knowing all about my political opinions and shiz, he couldn't actually describe my personal life at all) but I just wanna get it out the way in case I actually get the guy I've been after soon.

It's just that, I know I'm going to do it in a really nonchalant way - partly because that's how I deal with things, and partly because it doesn't actually bother me. But, I know that it's probably going to be a big deal to my mum (btw, she's not homophobic at all), so how should I do it? Should I just be calm and slip it into a conversation like I would naturally do, or should I force myself to sit down in private and lead up and do it the dramatic way? What's worked better for you (assuming you've come out, of course)?

Cheers :)

[blackpo]

nonchalant is the way

i posted mine on fb big mistake

[Shenron]

Well, I'll be honest with you. There are two ways that I suggest going about doing this. If you know your parents will accept it then I suggest just coming out and saying it. Don't beat around the bush or anything, just say it. If you are unsure then I would talk to one of them (the one most likely to accept it) alone and then approach the other together. I have a friend that got kicked out of the house at 16 because he came out, I also know a friend that is accepted for who he is and actually has his bf living with him. Just so happens that the one that kicked out is the bf. Things will work out, don't worry about it too much. Let us know how it turns out, I'm excited for you. :)

[vtadam]

I've got this problem aswell

[sophiaswan74]

i have the same problem.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

if your parents are not homophobic then i wouldnt make it a big deal. personally, i would bring the gay topic up and hint about them being homophobic say for example say oh my god justin bieber is well gay and if they tell you off then they are not homophobic whereas if they agree or laugh then they may be homophobic if they do that then try the approach more tactfully by hinting and giving signs you are gay then when you tell them they will not be as shocked and will take it in a more calm way. pm me if you need any extra help :D

[Carlyle]

Wasn't there already a thread like this?.. anyways, just tell her. beating around the bush is a bad idea, its hard to take people seriously when they do.

[Abyssinian]

This makes me think of the first time I told my mother I liked girls as well.

I've always known my parents would accept me for whoever I am. So one day mum came into my work and I was like.. "Hey.. See that chick over there? I really like her! Isn't she beautiful.. Such a shame she's straight.." And mum just kinda went.. "Umm yeah.. Wait, what?? You like girls? Ohmygod just wait till [her gay best friend] hears about this, he'll be so excited!"

I still giggle at that one! xD nonchalant is the way imo!

[Abyssinian]

Ps let us know how it goes!!

[Sterling26]

just make it really conversational and almost let it dawn on her, like make it unclear enough that she has to slowly realize it for herself, that way you don't get a standoffish opposition to it

[kenoloor]

just make it really conversational and almost let it dawn on her, like make it unclear enough that she has to slowly realize it for herself, that way you don't get a standoffish opposition to it

This.
If there's one thing I've learned from coming out (I've come out to my mom four times thus far) it's that it doesn't need to be a big deal, nor should it be. The more of a "thing" you make out of it, the more of a "thing" it will continue to be. And you don't want something like that to be a "thing," because "things" don't get talked about. If you bring it up subtly or nonchalantly, I think it will be much better in the long run.

[Nexus]

I still haven't told my Mom, but she has her suspicions. She's met a lot of my friends and it's become fairly apparent to her through my associations. If your Mom knows and understands you fairly well as an individual, it shouldn't come as a HUGE shock to her.

As for me, it's just a waiting game. I moved out of the house in late august and into a dorm for school, so we hardly see each other anyways.

[clr9823]

Hi guys, thanks for the responses. To TryingToFitIn, sorry if there was already a recent thread like this, didn't see anything.

My mum really isn't homophobic, and she has actually brought up the issue a while back semi-jokingly ("Your girlfriend won't like a beard... or boyfriend"). I've tried telling her a couple of times but, it just never seems to come out my mouth. I need to do it soon, because I have a first date next week and I don't wanna hide it from her. I will probs just end up blurting it out, getting it over and done with. Or, I could start talking about him, and then go "I really like him", seems a tad gentler.

My dad... he's not "homophobic", as in he wouldn't kick me out or anything (plus, he knows that I just wouldn't leave the house no matter what he said), but he just makes too many comments about gay people and stuff for me to actually feel comfortable with him if he knew. Just save that till the wedding.

To be honest, my parents are pretty receptive people and, while I'm not flamboyant, it should be pretty obvious to them (musical tastes, quiet interest in clothes, topics of conversation, lack of mentioning any relationship...) so shouldn't be too much of a shock

[Slytherin_Prince]

I believe that homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, or whatever one's sexual preferences are, does not matter. It's a preference; it's not something that defines someone, exceptions noted. And considering I don't see straight guys making a big deal about telling people they're straight, I don't see why it's necessary for any sexuality. I didn't make a big deal about it myself, because it's just my preference. I wouldn't make a big deal about being into tennis either, so why would I in this scenario?
Still, if it matter to you, you should tell them however you wish to tell them. You know your parents better than anyone, so the choice is eventually up to you.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

[AlexTorkin]

If your mom's not homophobic, I wouldn't make it a big deal and just say it nonchalantly.

[Sosaku]

Just tell her, you can do it humorously if you want....be like, "mom, lets get one thing straight, i'm not" or if you play base ball, be like, "Mom, in the next game, you'll see me in the opposite dugout, because i swing for the other team" blah blah blah, or just say it nonchalantly, or you can sit her down, outside and say it, then set off fireworks...its up to you, and how you want to feel when you do it verses how you're parents MAY react to it, however don't base you telling them, on that reaction....(or predicted reaction...) it'll only complicate things...