So I got many things... I NEED HELP/ COMMENT

[ryantombs]

WARNING- LONG CONFUSING SCATTERED MUCH AND MAY BE TRIGGERING IN SOME PARTS- but any one can put insight could help me- you guys are the greatest and are like my best friends I LOVE YOU ALL :')
So we finally sat down me and my ex (best friend) we talked most of it was how we just dont acknowledge each other and how we both miss eachother but we both came off as not wanting each other as friends... then i preceeded to go into how she never cared she was the only person i told i cut and she told me wth is wrong with you the first time and then nothing after and i explained to her how she didnt care it seemed and shes like its stupid yur hurting ppeople do something else go for a drive (i have a 2012 mustang) i mean if i go for a drive mad i can cause serious shit i say im only hurting myself no one knows and cares and shes like i do and stuff and im like well why did yu treat me that way blah blah blah but so then we get into why i do it and stuff and shes like its so stupid and i tell her i do it to just relieve mental pain and as many people (i think) its something they can control. she goes then control yourself and stop she doesnt get it how hard it is to just stop. and blah blah blah and shes like but people do it for attention its so stupid and im like becky imagine bringing a knife to your skin and slicing it repeatly to make it bleed and hurt. do yuu know how much pain you have to be in to do that. (i use a duller knife) and i sometimes stretch my skin to cut and i go you dont understand how fucking bad it is im in tears now and then i pull up my shorts and she sees my cuts and breaks down and cries almost im like dont you see cant yu see im hurting i want my friend and stuff she took my knife and im happy but then she triggered me aftr not on purpose and now idfk i just got to get a butterfly on me but i feel im not ready yet its like i want this to stop and i want to heal before its addiction but im not ready i dont want it. gahh so much i need a knife i want to. I might ask her to draw a butterfly or help me draw it and sign it for me cuz even tho it sounds bad today now i know she carees from her crying (she cries way less then me) and now i realize maybe she does love me a bit. now i feel like im hurting her gahh im soo stressed confused mad angry i just want a knife and i just want to quit at the same time

[ReasonsForWeeping]

i know how it feels v.v

[ryantombs]

it just sucks and there is so much i want to say i love this girl to death iwould and have done anything for her but also some of the stuff kills me we are talking oh btw kelly is coming over i mean she just didnt want me to get surprised but i gave quick hug and peeled outta there shaking i started repeating to myself i need my knife back i need a knife i need to cut i need to just calm down and now its triggering again omg sometimes i really just feel like ending it i just want it to stop! :'(

[ReasonsForWeeping]

i hate that feeling like ur losing it

[XxArcAngelxX]

Maybe sitdown and talk to her about it? it sounds like she wants to help =]

[ryantombs]

we did talk about it... but she just goes over and over why are yu doing it its stupid or if yu want to control something control that and stop but she doesnt understand how its like an addiction... am i addicted to it yet no... but its like the phase before it almost if yu understand wat i mean i might ask her to sign a butterfly today

[StoppingTime]

WARNING- LONG CONFUSING SCATTERED MUCH AND MAY BE TRIGGERING IN SOME PARTS- but any one can put insight could help me- you guys are the greatest and are like my best friends I LOVE YOU ALL :')
So we finally sat down me and my ex (best friend) we talked most of it was how we just dont acknowledge each other and how we both miss eachother but we both came off as not wanting each other as friends...

What do you mean by this?

then i preceeded to go into how she never cared she was the only person i told i cut and she told me wth is wrong with you the first time and then nothing after and i explained to her how she didnt care it seemed and shes like its stupid yur hurting ppeople do something else go for a drive (i have a 2012 mustang)

She obviously didn't understand you. Sometimes, with people like this, it's better to not even bring it up, because you already know how they react. They aren't going to change their mind about you, or what you do. They just can't, and won't understand. I would just forget about what she said, and don't take it personally, she doesn't understand you.


i mean if i go for a drive mad i can cause serious shit i say im only hurting myself no one knows and cares and shes like i do and stuff and im like well why did yu treat me that way blah blah blah but so then we get into why i do it and stuff and shes like its so stupid and i tell her i do it to just relieve mental pain and as many people (i think) its something they can control. she goes then control yourself and stop she doesnt get it how hard it is to just stop. and blah blah blah and shes like but people do it for attention its so stupid and im like becky imagine bringing a knife to your skin and slicing it repeatly to make it bleed and hurt. do yuu know how much pain you have to be in to do that. (i use a duller knife) and i sometimes stretch my skin to cut and i go you dont understand how fucking bad it is im in tears now and then i pull up my shorts and she sees my cuts and breaks down and cries almost im like dont you see cant yu see im hurting i want my friend and stuff she took my knife and im happy but then she triggered me aftr not on purpose and now idfk

She doesn't fully understand, like I said earlier. She doesn't realize how hard it is to stop, and why you do it. She may not be the person to talk to about getting help and advice, and I'm sure you knew that. Why did you see her and discuss this?


i just got to get a butterfly on me but i feel im not ready yet its like i want this to stop and i want to heal before its addiction but im not ready i dont want it. gahh so much i need a knife i want to. I might ask her to draw a butterfly or help me draw it and sign it for me cuz even tho it sounds bad today now i know she carees from her crying (she cries way less then me) and now i realize maybe she does love me a bit. now i feel like im hurting her gahh im soo stressed confused mad angry i just want a knife and i just want to quit at the same time
I still think you shouldn't go to her. She never understood you in the beginning, and I don't think she fully does now. How do you think she would react with the butterfly? If you really believe she can help you, then try it, but you don't want to lose her forever in doing so.It won't be easy to quit, but there is only one thing you need to do so that you can.
You need to believe in yourself.
If you don't, then there is no way you can ever quit. The butterflies do help some people with this, so I would start with it. Do anything you can to distract yourself from self harm. Do things that you enjoy. People try to write their feelings, and shred the paper. I don't know if this works a lot, but it is something you could try as well if you are serious about quitting. And yes, there wil be slip ups, but you can get through them. You will do it.


Good Luck, and talk to me if you ever need to.
~StoppingTime/Steve

[ryantombs]

Wow yu are incredably mature for yur age haha
But anyways so we were best friends then extremely close bf gf many promises bad falling out blah blah blah but then we talked and she really misses me as a friend and stuff basically long and confusing and yea she doesnt understand but in a way help becuz of how aftr i showed her the scars we hugged she wudnt let go and stuff i just hope i dont lose her forever... And i dont think i will lose her totally i think she started to understand and stuff and is trying to explain that people do love me and im hurting them and stuff and she said she likes the butterfly thing im hopefully drawing it tonight but aftr the talk the othr day many less triggers

[StoppingTime]

Wow yu are incredably mature for yur age haha

thanks so much :)

But anyways so we were best friends then extremely close bf gf many promises bad falling out blah blah blah but then we talked and she really misses me as a friend and stuff basically long and confusing and yea she doesnt understand but in a way help becuz of how aftr i showed her the scars we hugged she wudnt let go and stuff i just hope i dont lose her forever... And i dont think i will lose her totally i think she started to understand and stuff and is trying to explain that people do love me and im hurting them and stuff and she said she likes the butterfly thing im hopefully drawing it tonight but aftr the talk the othr day many less triggers

I think it is good you guys aren't losing each other forever. As long as you don't go back down the bf/gf road, I think you'll be OK. It is also good to hear that she will be able to help you with a little more understanding of how you feel. As long as you trust her, then I wouldn't worry about anything. You can do it.

Good Luck!
~Steve/StoppingTime

[ryantombs]

No not one bit seriously it like amazes me i kno adults who arent as mature as yu
And the bf gf thing oh god we did tht like 100 times then it worked out for 8 months and actually too well to many promises she cudnt keep and stuff and confusing thing is i trust her and i dont at the same time unfortunatly but it is helping im still getting triggered i will hold or look or think about a knife but havent cut for three days:)

[StoppingTime]

No not one bit seriously it like amazes me i kno adults who arent as mature as yu
thanks then :)


And the bf gf thing oh god we did tht like 100 times then it worked out for 8 months and actually too well to many promises she cudnt keep and stuff and confusing thing is i trust her and i dont at the same time unfortunatly but it is helping im still getting triggered i will hold or look or think about a knife but havent cut for three days:)

Well, congrats on three days! As long as you trust her to believe in you, and help you, then its fine. If there is anyone else you can talk to (school consoler maybe?), then this really can help. Along with your friends, they can help people. Do whatever you think is best for your situation.

Good Luck and I hope it works out,
~StoppingTime/Steve